Their calmness in front of their parents was swept away and disappeared without a trace.
With these shy babies, mothers can't go straight and ignore their children's "face" problems. They must pay attention to methods and strategies.
Qiao Ye, the insurance manager, is very good at talking with people. When he speaks, he is eloquent, well-founded, natural and natural, which makes you feel comfortable from the heart. People who are difficult to communicate, she can handle in an instant. As for her husband, he was praised as a glib clown by relatives and friends. At the beginning, Qiao Ye's belly swelled day by day, and friends made a bet: following his parents' genes, this child will be eloquent in the future, and he will not get stage fright wherever he goes, and he is likely to become a bright spot in the crowd, just like his parents.
The "creative baby" who was supposed to be a communication star in those days is now 5 years old and has become a lovely little princess. She can skillfully play the famous ballet "White-haired Girl" "Tie the Red Cord" and some simple pieces created by Chopin, Beethoven and Bayer on the piano. However, she never wants to show her housekeeping skills in front of strangers, even in her own home. Her audience is confined to her own family.
Seeing that all the children around her are competitive, my daughter is very shy. When the opportunity comes, she doesn't reach out and flinches. Qiao Ye deeply felt a heart-wrenching pain. Is there any way to save her daughter? She really wants to take out her daughter's symptoms and ask a child psychologist to give concrete and feasible guidance. ..... let children from shy to confident!
Symptoms: I am afraid of my family and visiting.
What makes Qiao Ye have a headache is that every time a stranger comes to her home, her daughter always looks absent-minded; Such a small person is quiet and motionless, which is out of proportion to her age. Every time she goes to a friend's house, she shouts "No" all the way. Even when she arrives at her destination, she just seems to be nailed to the ground and won't enter the family's house. ..... children don't want to meet strangers?
Coping strategies: children are afraid of life and do not adapt to strange environments. Qiao Ye, who is handy in interpersonal communication, can't expect her daughter to be as exquisite as herself. Instead, we should understand the child's shy personality, admit and accept that shyness is a natural fact, don't make a fuss or rush into it, and don't show excessive protection and tolerance for the daughter's personality. Qiao Ye might as well invite friends to his home selectively. For example, invite friends who have children similar to their daughters' age to come first, let them receive their children in a familiar environment, and then try to visit these friends' homes after they have fun with each other. Gradually, children will like to be small hosts or guests because they have small partners of the same age to play with. The best way to overcome shyness is to let Tian Tian grow up among children.
Symptoms: Tell only stories to yourself.
"In spring, there are many clovers in the hundred acres of forest. Bear and pig want to find four-leaf clover, but they haven't found it for a long time. Bear is a little annoyed. He said to the pig, my stomach is growling. Have some honey first. The pig said, ok. The two of them sat down to eat honey ... "When Qiao Ye walked into her daughter's room, Tian Tian was talking to herself with his back to the door, holding a Winnie the Pooh album in his hand, but what she said was by no means the contents of the book, but a story she made up, and she was very good at it. When I heard my mother come in, I suddenly stopped and said shyly, "Don't listen, mom!" " "In fact, Qiao Ye often encourages her to tell stories. Why doesn't she want others to listen? ..... look at shy children with a positive eye.
Coping strategies:
As a mother, Qiao Ye had better think back. Did she often say that her children didn't do well? Or do you ask your daughter not to do this or that when the child finishes something on her own? Although sometimes parents say it casually and their attitude may be understated, it does great harm to children's self-esteem. Usually, children like Tian Tian have a strong sense of self-esteem and inferiority and prefer perfection. They are very concerned about other people's attitudes and comments on themselves, afraid that others will say that they are not good, and especially want to be affirmed by others. For Tian Tian, getting recognition is the most important thing. Parents should strengthen her advantages. They can ask their children's opinions in another way, such as "If it is better or better, what do you think?"
Symptoms: it is difficult to open a golden mouth.
Every time I take Tian Tian out, Qiao Ye always gives her daughter a "vaccination" in advance: for example, when I meet my uncles, aunts, grandparents, I should take the initiative to say hello, and don't let my mother remind me that people will answer whatever they ask ... But ten times, my daughter turned a deaf ear to her words, and occasionally I happened to put on a look that you have a thousand tricks and I have certain rules, and turned my face away from others; If the other person is a tall and burly man and simply carries someone on his mother's back, Qiao Ye often pretends that the child is shy, thinking that this can save some face in front of acquaintances. She even thought that it is best not to meet acquaintances when taking her daughter out!
Coping strategies:
It is inappropriate to say that a child is shy in front of her children, which will label the child and deeply implant it in her heart, thinking that she is like this. Maybe she will use this sign to escape from people she doesn't like in the future-this is conscious.
Tian Tian's shyness in front of strangers has little direct relationship with the people she usually contacts. Before going out, Qiao Ye repeatedly told the children and put forward long-term consistent requirements. On the surface, it is a warning to children, which will actually cause children's rebellious psychology, and it is easy to form a psychological set that the more you ask me to do, the less I will do. Therefore, instead of this, it is better to bring children to contact people of various personalities. You can start with someone who is amiable, likes children and looks good. They will give children a sense of security and gradually let them make more adults and children of the same age. Those tall, strong, rude and loud strangers will pose a threat to the timid children themselves. It's best not to let the children near first.
At the same time, we should also make an agreement with our friends and colleagues not to let our daughter talk to them. It's better to get closer and get used to it. She will say hello. Calling people is a courtesy, but if you are kind and willing to accept each other, it doesn't matter much.
Symptoms: Avoid the teacher's eyes.
The kindergarten teacher has told Qiao Ye about Tian Tian's "invisibility" policy more than once-in class conversation activities and theme activities, the teacher hinted with her eyes many times, but she just refused to raise her hand and buried her head lower and lower. It's like there is a crack in the ground, and she will get in and avoid the teacher's eyes, just like a mouse meets a cat. When you have to say it, you must be red-faced, stuttering, incoherent and at a loss. Sit down quickly. In fact, she knows all those simple questions clearly.
Coping strategies:
Children's self-confidence is usually based on pleasant experiences. Qiao Ye should help her daughter discover her own advantages and create opportunities for Tian Tian to express herself. For example, children are good at telling stories and are interested in them. They can hold family story meetings once or twice a week. Mom, Dad and Tian Tian each tell a story and make up a sequel. At first, the story is likely to be incomplete, but we should also praise her for speaking well or doing well, so that she feels very creative and imaginative, enhances her self-confidence and is willing to speak.
Preparing in advance is also a good way. Mother can communicate with the teacher in advance, predict the content of tomorrow's conversation, practice with her daughter at home first, and repeat it many times until she is satisfied. This helps children to experience a sense of accomplishment and will not get stage fright in subsequent public speeches.
Create one or two small fairy tale performances or doll performances, and the whole family will act together, and it is best for the children to play the leading role. These reserved programs can be performed in front of relatives and friends. Because they are "on the same stage" with their parents, children will feel that performing in front of strangers is nothing to be afraid of. Shyness will gradually improve.
You can also organize children's parties with familiar children, so that she can exert her potential among familiar children, so that she will not be too nervous and stressed, and then take her to a broader social circle step by step.
Symptoms: the stepped "foot" is retracted again.
"When it rains, why do we see lightning first and then hear thunder?" The aunt next door occasionally asks Tian Tian a similar question. "This is too simple." Tian Tian obviously has the answer. "Then tell me." "This is because-I won't tell you, but I know." Then he went to play with his toys. She often plucked up her courage in advance, but she was defeated at the moment when the bullet came out of the chamber, and shrank back the "foot" she had just taken.
Coping strategies:
When a child tries to break through, it will be a bit embarrassing. At this time, they need more encouragement from their parents to take the hardest step.
Therefore, Qiao Ye should carry out the incentive to the end. Even if the child has made a little progress, praise her independence and courage, encourage her to continue to work hard and do better, but don't get tired of perfection. That's impossible.
Tip: Listen to your child's concerns. Let the child know that his parents are absolutely trustworthy, encourage him to talk to his parents about anything he cares about and give him advice. In this way, children will know what to do in the face of their shyness.
Let the children relax as much as possible. Don't force a child to associate with others and integrate into the group just because he is shy, which will backfire and escalate his shyness.
Ensure enough time. When a child enters a strange environment, he should be given enough time to adapt. If it is a children's party, he can arrive early and meet new friends one by one, which makes him feel safe.
Focus on participation. Children must participate in family activities that suit them. It doesn't matter if the child doesn't do well, let him know that failure is natural and inevitable.
Don't put too much pressure. For a child's social fear, parents may lose patience or exert too much pressure to send a harmful signal to the child, which is extremely wrong.