I don't know when it started, and the sentence "Don't let your child lose at the starting line" has become the goal of parents to educate their children.
From the time when the children did not exist, expectant mothers began to follow the advice of experts, supplement various nutrients, go to bed early and get up early to exercise, quit smoking and drinking, and quit coffee.
When the child is born, the milk powder is still breast milk, and after several months of breast feeding, the diaper is still wet. Whether to let children swim and whether to develop the whole brain for children has become a new problem that puzzles parents.
When children get older, they will encounter more problems. How to cultivate their independence and enthusiasm for learning, whether to take them to interest classes, whether to help them choose a better school, respect them, live a good life, and then become their role models.
Parenting is a long process, and we always hope to have a "unique truth" that we can firmly implement without thinking, just like the "only true God" of Christianity, who is responsible for helping us accomplish everything.
From the new education, we can learn to respect the sensitive period of children, let him explore the world freely, let him play with sand and mud, and let him put stones in his mouth to satisfy his appetite. But when he refuses to go home after playing for a day, he will delay the most important sleep time of the child, but he doesn't know how to face his crying.
We can buy the most expensive baking utensils and cook healthy meals for our children according to the most advanced nutrition ratio, but when he doesn't eat a bite and throws it on the ground, we don't know if we should force him to finish eating-even if he eats a bite!
We obey the respect and love for our children and do not communicate by coercion. However, when other family members don't agree with our ideas, we don't know how to change each other, and sometimes we even have a fierce quarrel with each other, which makes us more and more isolated at home.
Even though we have learned so much about parenting, we will still encounter many problems that we don't know how to solve.
Even as a psychologist or teacher, I still can't solve every problem that children encounter when they grow up perfectly.
Wake up, there has never been a "correct" view of education in the world.
It can be said that in China, how many people believe in Yin Jianli's "don't shout, don't call to cultivate good children", and how many people follow Li Meijin's "beating and cursing" to cultivate children's awe.
It is right to put an end to excessive doting and parents' violent beating of their children, and the educational methods of not yelling, yelling and scolding are all right.
For a child who is naturally good at reading words and deeds, a cold look from parents is enough to make the child aware of his mistakes. Parents only need a little guidance, and children can make correct behaviors.
As for a naturally neurotic child, let alone his parents' cold eyes, I'm afraid his parents are already trembling with anger. He hasn't realized that it's his own problem, only that his parents are uncomfortable. Beating and cursing can make him realize that his behavior will be punished and help children restrain their behavior.
Behind "no yelling, no scolding" and "beating and scolding" are different educational methods for children with different characteristics.
There was once a friend who just chatted with a treasure mother for a while and guessed that the other family was a boy. The biggest basis for guessing was that the treasure mother spoke loudly and worked enthusiastically.
Looking back at the friends around us, it is true that the babysitters with girls are generally more gentle, and the parents with boys seem to be more "powerful".
There has never been a theory that can be applied to all situations. Every child has his own personality characteristics. The educational methods suitable for other children may not be suitable for our children, and the educational methods suitable for our children may not be suitable for other children.
At present, the most popular concept of parenting may not stand the test of time.
10 years ago, the western concept of child-rearing was regarded as the golden rule by China people, and it was at this time that the "crying immunization method" was introduced to China. Countless novice mothers firmly believe that this is the most advanced educational concept. As long as they follow this way, they can cultivate their children's independence from an early age.
Ma Yili, the star, was a big fan of this educational idea. Ma Yili began to oppose this practice when she gave birth to her second child. She regretted her previous understanding and practice and expressed deep apologies to her eldest daughter.
Ma Yili recalled: "In the past, my eldest daughter was so dependent on me that she always wanted to sleep with me, but my idea at that time was to insist on her independence. No matter how late it is, I will take her to my own room. I didn't know what I was afraid of at that time, maybe I was afraid of my daughter's independence in the future. Later, I really learned a truth: children can only be independent if they have a sense of security. The two have a good relationship.
How many mothers squat outside their children's rooms and spend a long night in pain in order to implement this "scientific and correct" parenting concept. The child is crying at the door and the mother is crying outside. Each round is as long as a lifetime. Even when they hear their children crying to the top of their lungs, mothers will be as "upset" as Qiu.
It seems that opening the door of the children's room in front of you closes the door of the children's independence.
There is still a long way for children to grow up and be independent, but what is certain is that in this process, the mother's anxiety, entanglement, even self-blame and serious insecurity will be passed on to the children without reservation. Not only can you not accompany your baby at night, but the quality of companionship during the day will also decrease.
Times have changed. Now, "new research results" tell us that we must share a room with our children or even sleep in a bed to cultivate their sense of security. So, mothers took their children to bed-until the child was four or five years old, the child still refused to go back to his room to sleep.
As a result, the child not only occupied the bedroom that should belong to the father, but also occupied the position that should belong to the father in a family.
As we all know, in the family, "the relationship between husband and wife is the first", and many children's psychological problems are caused by the parent-child relationship overriding the relationship between husband and wife. Therefore, it seems that letting children's needs go unchecked does not always bring real security.
Educational method is just a hammer, how to knock it depends on yourself.
Different children have different methods;
The same child should have different coping styles at different ages.
If children's problems are all kinds of "nails", the way of education is "hammer".
Which hammer you choose to hit which nail is your parents' business, and no one else can replace it.
The world is so big and there is so much knowledge that nothing is the only correct truth. So there is no right or wrong in this world, only choice.
Only when parents treat it with care can they choose the one that is most suitable for their children among many "hammers" and hit the most critical "nail" for their children.
The world is so big and there is so much knowledge that nothing is the only correct truth. So there is no right or wrong in this world, only choice.
Only by fully understanding the pros and cons and making your own choices can we not complain because of the "keeping pace with the times" of knowledge.
Fortunately, as long as you are willing, there are too many paid or free platforms that can provide you with corresponding information.
Parents' careful treatment, careful discovery and active guidance are the most important educational resources for children's growth.