Parents can't "stuff" their children into the jar.
Zhang Xiaonan, the news anchor of CCTV, asked, "Can children's future be planned? What role do parents play in this process? " On this topic, Ma Dong said that he thought all the planning was in vain. Judging from his personal growth experience, his father planned many things for him, but none of them could be realized; On the contrary, his parents didn't plan or strictly forbid anything. Because of the great genetic power, he joined this profession when he grew up. In Ma Dong's view, a person's life is long. Whether it is an adult or a child, it is more important to talk about long-term planning than to keep some uncertainties and let him discover and discover for himself.
In this regard, Yu said that he thinks that China's so-called parents' planning for their children is not a kind of planning, but a kind of compulsion, just like stuffing people into a big jar and making the shape of the jar for you. In China and many Asian countries, in ancient times, some people specially put their children in a jar to train clowns after they were born, so that they could grow up in the jar and grow into a ball. After the broken jar broke, he jumped out and became ugly, performing everywhere to make money. Yu believes that many parents in China are actually cruel. They put their children in jars and grow up according to their parents' requirements. This aspect reflects the mentality of China's parents. Because you are my child, I am qualified to plan your happiness, your actions and your future. More parents just forget one thing, that is, it is more important than anything to give people freedom, develop their own space according to their own growth factors, and let their children release their creativity, imagination and hobbies.
Give children space.
Parents should do three things.
Moderator's suggestion: We said that we should give children a relaxed space. Some parents may understand that loose space means I don't care. Does he do whatever he likes? As a parent, where is the freedom I should give my children? For this topic, Ma Dong said that parents' acceptance of their children does not mean that there is no boundary. The boundary is not subjective, not what I want you to do, but objective.
In this regard, Yu said that giving children room to grow does not mean that parents do nothing. He believes that parents have several things that are particularly important: first, pay attention to the character and temper of children during their growth. It's not telling children how your temper and personality have changed, but whether your parents have a good temper. Because if parents are willful, children will have a sense of fear and escape. If parents are reasonable and all behaviors are predictable, children will not have strange temper; The second is the code of conduct. It is not parents who tell their children that you must study every day, but what you should do in your daily life. He believes that first of all, parents must be in place and be able to set an example; The third is interest guidance, which is very important for children. It is not that parents impose interest on their children, but that they turn it into a force in life according to their own nature. Once this happens, he will have a great sense of accomplishment and existence. Parents should not say that their children are inferior to others, but let them deeply believe that no matter where they are, they are actually accepted by others.
What is the success of children's development
Yu once said that if children are not successful, then parents will fail no matter what big career they do. The host asked, how do we define children or the next generation as successful? In this regard, Ma Dong said that his parents hope that he will be an ordinary person in the future. He thinks that success is a very broad thing. In the future, the child's inner peace and ultimate pleasure will find his own interest, which is success in his heart.
Yu said that he believes that success is actually very simple, that is, having a job you like and a person you like. First, there must be a way out. It's not that you become a millionaire or a big official, but that you have a lifestyle that you find acceptable, preferably one that you like. For example, Buffett made so much money himself, and his son wandered around the world with his guitar on his back all day. He is very happy, and Buffett will not interfere. Therefore, when raising children, we hope that their living conditions will be better, whether it is the anxiety of parents in China or the anxiety of raising children to attend famous universities. But he forgot that the quality of children's living conditions is actually combined with his own hobbies. Even if a person earns a lot of money, he works like a slave every day, and you may not be willing to do it if you are given a lot of money.
The second criterion, I think, is to be able to feel happiness and happiness, or a positive and sunny attitude. The garbage workers he saw on the road in Canada were singing and dancing happily while driving the garbage truck and dragging the trash can. I think this life is what I want. We China people always want to get ahead, which makes our life a lot more complicated. Qingdao Evening News/Pocket Qingdao/Wang Qing Reporter Zhang Bei