A person will experience two families in his life, one is the home he was born and raised, and the other is the home he built after he grew up. The first home is called family of origin.

Family is the first environment for children to grow up, and parents are their first teachers. Every move will leave a deep imprint on the child, and then it will gradually become clear in the future growth process.

The most important thing to bring to children from a family is the way of dealing with people and the way of knowing the world. Family plays a decisive role in what qualities a child can achieve and whether he can have a bright future.

I recently read Michelle Obama's autobiography Becoming. This book tells the story of how this outstanding African-American woman grew up from an ordinary person to Michelle Obama in the first person. At the same time, it also explains how important the influence of family background on a person's life pattern, career and marriage is from multiple dimensions.

With the progress of society, many parents now attach great importance to the cultivation of their children, hoping that their children will get ahead in the future. But what kind of family can produce the best children?

Through the book Becoming, I summed up the following four excellent family characteristics: loving home, respecting home, positive home and educational home.

First of all, a loving family.

Love is the best nutrient for children to grow up. Children who grow up in a loving family naturally learn to love. Caring parents are good at examining children's needs and making rational and objective judgments.

Before, there was a popular saying in Weibo: "A child who has always felt that the family atmosphere is good is very lucky. He has seen what good feelings are, has a keen love for health, and is easy to run in a good direction. "

Because I know to run in the right direction, I always live happily, always make different friends and get more warmth and love from people.

What about children who grow up in a make-do, cold war and quarreling relationship?

"I don't know what is good. It takes a lot of effort to kick those bad ones away, and it will take many years to hit a wall before I know which way is right."

Michelle was born in an ordinary black family in the south of Chicago. Her father is a blue-collar worker, her mother is a housewife, and she has a loving brother. Although they don't have their own house, they have always lived in menstruation's house. The place is very small, and there is only one bedroom for four people.

Even if the family conditions are difficult, the family never lacks happiness. When Christmas comes, mother will decorate the house in the most economical way. My father likes to take Michelle and his brother to watch various games, or listen to jazz, and he will drive his family to the movies to spend their annual holidays.

In the child psychology class, it is said that a family full of love and a sense of ceremony will definitely bring children a warm and happy childhood. Because, how parents attach importance to children, children attach importance to themselves.

It is precisely because of her father's open-minded optimism, her mother's gentleness and generosity, her brother's love and care, and a family full of love and joy that Michelle is confident and tenacious, so that she has the courage to face all doubts and fears, dare to challenge difficulties and become an excellent person.

Second, respect the family.

Respecting children means respecting their feelings, that is, understanding their feelings, respecting their privacy, respecting their emotions and protecting their self-esteem from their perspective. These are all things parents should do.

Respecting family means trusting children. There are thousands of possibilities in everyone's life, and the choice of life should belong to them.

Michelle recalled in Becoming that when she was in the second grade, the class was in chaos and the teacher didn't know how to keep the class order. In the eyes of teachers, they are a group of "bad children". In this way, a group of children without guidance and organization were "exiled" to a cold and dark classroom in the basement.

At that time, Michelle couldn't learn anything at school. She can only spit on her mother. If it is other parents, it may just be an understatement to say "just do your best."

But Michelle's mother went directly to school and secretly persuaded Michelle to pass the exam, from a poor second-grade class to a third-grade class with a good teacher and strict discipline.

Imagine that if Michelle stayed in the classroom in the basement, it might be a completely different fate.

Although Michelle's mother is just a housewife, she respects her children and understands their feelings. She also encouraged them to dare to express their views and fight for themselves. Even in the face of authority, she will not make a fool of herself. This is the best wealth she left Michelle.

There is a saying in lifelong learning: If we don't respect the child and just seduce him with rewards or intimidate him with punishment, then we will encourage his ideas and his fear of getting benefits.

Therefore, respect has never come from charity above, but from the heart of equal dialogue. Just as Michelle described the Zen-like calmness and neutrality of mothers in educating their children, "I am not cultivating children, but future adults."

Third, families with positive energy.

An optimistic partner will improve the happiness index of your life; An optimistic parents will improve the happiness index of the whole family.

The influence of family on children is enormous, and the family atmosphere will affect children's future personality. A child who grew up in a complaining family is often not good at solving problems, but constantly complaining, easily pessimistic, and always sees the bad side when encountering things.

Although Michelle often mentioned it in Becoming, she was very insecure about her background. Fortunately, Michelle's parents taught her the courage to be confident.

Although life at home is very economical, they rarely discuss the problem of overspending, and my mother can always find ways to make up for it; Although my father is ill, he never complains and has been self-disciplined and diligent. In the cultivation of Michelle's brother and sister, parents have always conveyed such a value: don't limit your choices, have confidence in life, and your destiny is in your own hands.

Father Fraser taught her to work hard, stay happy, keep her promise and never complain. Her mother Marianne set an example for her, teaching her tolerance, independent thinking, making her own voice and making her own choices.

At the same time, she herself has constantly strengthened her confidence in repeated actions and surpassed her inferiority with a sense of accomplishment.

No matter when she was in kindergarten, she had to fight with the teacher in order to stress the words, or after the college admissions teacher questioned that Michelle was not the material of Princeton University, she did it by her own efforts. Finally, she was admitted to the university and proved it to herself by her actions.

Fourth, families that focus on education.

The famous German philosopher IELTS Bells said: The essence of education is that a tree shakes another tree, a cloud pushes another cloud, and one soul summons another soul.

CCTV host Dong Qing once said: What kind of person do you want your children to be? First of all, you have to be that kind of person yourself; What good qualities do you want your child to have? You must have these qualities first.

Therefore, parents are role models for children, and the best education for children is to set an example.

In Becoming, Michelle's father is hardworking and loving, studied painting and sculpture, and is also a good swimmer and boxer. His father will show them his love for art after work. Mother taught Michelle to read early and took her to the public library to cultivate her reading interest and ability.

In terms of education, Michelle's parents did not become house slaves, but spent most of their income on her and her brother's education, paying for piano lessons and attending summer camps, and investing in their future.

Although her family is not very good, her parents insist that her son's choice should not be restricted and he should try his best to get into the best university. As for tuition, they will find a way. Finally, Michelle's brother entered Princeton University.

It was with the encouragement of such wise parents that Michelle followed in her brother's footsteps and was admitted to Princeton University and Harvard Law School for further study. In the end, both brothers and sisters completed their studies by loans.

A good education has cultivated Michelle's ability to think deeply and analyze problems, and enabled her to constantly adjust her pace in the long river of life and step by step to the top.

Susan. In family of origin, Qianjin said: "Family is not only a collection of people who are related by blood, but also a system that accommodates people who are closely related to each other. Every member of the family has a profound and often hidden influence on others. "

Everyone can be a parent, but not everyone is qualified for this position. We can always find many problems with children, but seldom realize that most of these problems originate from parents.

There is no unprovoked success, promising children and good family environment, so it is not a reflection of light and shadow! The intensity of light is the only thing that matters.

As Michelle said at the end of Becoming, "The most important part of my growth story is not the superficial value of my achievements, but the deep factors that support my achievements-the people who have helped me build my confidence silently for many years and everything they have done seems to be small but actually supports me." May every parent incarnate the warm and bright light to illuminate the infinite future of their children!