Classic Reading Positive Discipline Review 1 I recently read Positive Discipline by jane nelsen, which is a classic that will benefit millions of children, parents and teachers for life. This book introduces many effective classical theories about children's psychology, behavior, cognition and education in a simple way, which has benefited me a lot.
In particular, Chapter 7 of the book tells me that the effective use of encouragement makes me feel more deeply encouraged than praised. The book says, "Children need encouragement just as plants need water. They can't survive without encouragement. " Yes, children need the encouragement of adults to thrive. So what is encouragement? First of all, we must effectively distinguish between encouragement and praise. The author also suggested that we give encouragement to children, not praise, which puzzled me for a moment. Is there a difference between the two? So hard that we shouldn't praise children? I read on with questions and gradually realized the meaning of the words. The knowledge of encouragement is deep, and we don't make good use of encouragement at ordinary times, but the book expounds it from the aspects of opportunity, mutual respect and emphasis on advantages. Let us know what effective encouragement is.
Self-reflection, I have many misunderstandings in this regard. For example, I often praise my children with this sentence: "You are really a good boy, obedient and sensible, and an example for everyone to learn!" " Under this kind of praise, the child will be very happy and cheerful, and she will feel that "adults recognize me and I am valuable." The author points out that praise points to people who do things, so that when people who do things are not recognized by others, they often do things based on the consideration of "what others will think and what they will think", and they will be at a loss and confused.
This child (who will be an adult when he grows up) may form a self-concept that depends entirely on other people's opinions, and may become an "apple polisher" and "always seek other people's approval". Encouragement refers to people's behavior, which often inspires people to think about "what do I think", "what should I do now" and "what have I learned and felt". It can make people introspect, think more, feel valuable, and finally form a self-confident and self-reliant attitude that does not need to be recognized by others. Children in small classes are young and have poor self-reflection ability, so teachers may use praise more than encouragement here, but with the passage of time and the growth of age, my previous sentence will only make children "change" into lack of self-confidence. It is the author who let me know that the same words of praise and encouragement have different effects on different children. We should sincerely and appropriately praise and encourage them according to their age and personality.
The book has given me a lot of inspiration, so that I can learn more correct and positive ways to discipline my children in my post-menstrual work, so that my children can grow up happily and healthily in a self-confident and self-reliant environment.
Reflection on Positive Discipline in Classic Reading 2 This summer, the school recommended positive discipline to teachers. After reading this book, we can use theory to guide practice, and then sum up a set of educational ideas suitable for our children's development from practice. Our education is no longer blind, which makes me very happy as a teacher. We now advocate "home-school contact", but it is difficult to put it into practice. "Positive discipline" has given us many useful suggestions and methods.
We punish children blindly in the process of education, but we can't get the desired effect. What kind of person do we want our children to be, and we should actively guide them in life.
Nowadays, many teachers receive traditional education at school when they are young. How to transform into a new generation of teachers and teachers that meet the new curriculum standards? This book gave me a lot of detailed guidance and helped me solve many problems encountered in the teaching process. How to help children consciously abide by the rules, the attitude of teachers and parents is very important. In the process of teaching, I met some students who often didn't finish their homework. At this time, it is wrong to blame the child blindly for "you didn't finish your homework"! How can you not finish your homework? "If you say so, students' resistance must be very strong. Even if he said, "I was wrong, I shouldn't have done this," he didn't really believe it in his heart. Therefore, you should first express your "understanding" to the students. Only by understanding can students be convinced at the beginning. From a psychological point of view, students are more likely to accept what you say. Our educational activities are for children, and everything should be from the perspective of children.
When parents and teachers are too strict and take care of too much, children can't cultivate a sense of responsibility; When parents and teachers are too arrogant, children cannot develop a sense of responsibility. Only when children have the opportunity to learn valuable social and life skills needed for good character in an atmosphere of kindness and firmness, dignity and respect can their sense of responsibility be cultivated.
We should realize that stopping punishment does not mean allowing children to do whatever they want. We need to give children the opportunity to experience responsibilities that are directly related to the privileges they enjoy. Otherwise, children will become people who only rely on and accept, thinking that only by manipulating others to serve themselves can they gain a sense of belonging and value. Some children will feel that "if you don't take care of me, you don't love me". This kind of emotional experience, even I have a deep understanding. Growing up in a greenhouse-like family, I was loved by my relatives at home. Once I don't like it, I will have a nervous breakdown and feel that "the whole world doesn't love me." I think this mood has something to do with the family education environment when I was a child. So these children's emotions will collapse, I can understand that kind of mood, but the children have not been able to control their emotions well. At this time, we should give the child full trust and understanding, and at the same time give him self-esteem. Scolding him will only make him feel bad. These children will decide that they should not work hard, because everything they do will bring humiliation and pain. The saddest thing is that children have never had a chance to feel that they have the ability to exercise and have the belief that "I am not good enough". These children will devote a lot of energy to rebellion and escape. If parents and teachers don't find such problems in time, children are likely to become "problem children" in the future. I have a bad temper in front of my family, burning at all, and I feel inferior in class or making friends. Shame can't achieve the purpose of education, which reminds all our teachers to be good at observing students and getting to know them better. "Teaching" is not only to impart knowledge to students, but more importantly, to cultivate students into psychologically sound people with all-round development in morality, intelligence, physique and beauty.
In this book, seven important perceptions and skills are put forward, which are necessary for capable people:
1, perception of personal ability-I can do it.
2. Perception of my value in important relationships-"My contribution is valuable, and everyone really needs me."
3. Cognition of my strength and influence in life-"I can influence what happens to me"
4. Strong self-examination ability: the ability to understand personal emotions and use this understanding to achieve self-discipline and self-control.
5. Strong interpersonal skills, good at cooperating with others, and establishing friendship on the basis of communication, cooperation, consultation, sharing, empathy and listening.
6. Strong overall grasping ability: treat all kinds of restrictions and behavioral consequences in daily life with a sense of responsibility, adaptability, flexibility and integrity.
7. Strong judgment: use wisdom to evaluate the situation according to appropriate values.
How many parents have done what children should do instead of their children? And when they make mistakes, they have to punish their children? Parents should reflect on everything you ask their children to do. Have you taught him in your daily life? For example, if you want to teach children perception and skills, when doing housework, don't deprive children of learning opportunities on the grounds that they haven't tidied things up and cleaned the floor. "Do your own thing", but the child's "own thing" parents helped. We must understand that cooperation based on mutual respect and shared responsibility is far more effective than arbitrary control. This involves the previous rules with children. In family education, there must be rules between parents and children. How are these rules made? Is it a parent's request? Or did you do it with the children? In class education management, we have class rules to restrain students, but these class rules are put forward by students themselves? Or did the teacher ask for it alone In the process of teaching practice, we can clearly feel that the two ways of making rules are different, and students' performance is also different. Children who participate in making rules are more self-disciplined; Children who don't participate in making rules obey the rules on the surface, but secretly break them. From the student stage, I deeply realized the importance of students' participation in teaching management. On the way to education, we should bear in mind that teaching children to live can make them better adapt to society in the future!
After reading the classic book "Positive Discipline" and the book "Positive Discipline", the words "kindness and firmness" remain deeply in my mind. The charm of this book lies in that it expounds the author and viewpoints in common language and provides many effective ways and methods for readers through concrete case analysis, which is what the author calls a "positive subject tool". For parents, this book can teach them to be more competent parents. For teachers, it can teach us how to be more qualified teachers. The process of reading this book is also a process of continuous review and reflection. Every time I read a chapter, I can't help but write down some key words on the edge paper and draw a few bullets at the key points. Some educational concepts have indeed changed quietly in the process of reading.
In fact, before I started reading, I took it for granted that positive discipline was to encourage education, but after reading the contents of the book carefully, I found that my understanding was too superficial. The three lines of scarlet letter in the center of the cover, "How to effectively discipline children without punishment or connivance", caught my eye at once, because it asked the voices of countless parents and teachers. Although I have only taught for a year and a half, as a class teacher, I have to get along with students every day. When students make mistakes, how to deal with them effectively is often a problem that bothers me. If the punishment is too strict, it will inevitably have a negative impact on students' physical and mental health; If there is no punishment, or the punishment is not effective, students will think that the teacher is conniving at the students who have made mistakes. This book puts forward "positive discipline", a method that neither punishes nor condones. Can it really be used to discipline children in the class? With a hint of incomprehension and doubt, I followed the author on a journey of formal dharma. Win children with kindness and firmness
First of all, what impressed me was the author's "kindness and firmness go hand in hand" and "winning children". Children are social people, and they are developing and changing all the time. They have their own thoughts and beliefs, and they all need to realize their own values. The way to treat children can't be simply summed up as criticism and reward. On the basis of forming a good sense of self-worth, we should cultivate children's self-awareness and recognition and trust in teachers and parents. What we have to do is not "win" children, but "win" children and get their willing cooperation. Otherwise, children will learn to judge whether their actions are right or wrong by observing others' reactions, and lose the ability of self-evaluation and introspection, so that they will gradually be cultivated by teachers and parents as "please" or "forever"
Someone who seeks approval from others. "According to Kohlberg's theory of moral development, such students are still at a low level of moral development, that is to say, whether children at this stage think that a person's behavior is correct depends mainly on whether he is loved by others, whether he is helpful to others, and whether he is praised by others. However, the students we want to train should have their own moral standards and know how to do it. The author tells us that it is not difficult to win the cooperation of students, only four steps are needed:
1, expressing understanding of children's feelings;
2. show sympathy for children;
3. Tell your child how you feel;
4. Let children pay attention to solving problems;
However, when dealing with students' problems, the mistake we often make is impatience, especially when facing those children who are extremely rebellious and have very bad attitudes, we often fly into a rage, but we still believe that we are right and feel that it is all the students' fault. After some criticism, it is ok to solve the problem, but I am afraid that students will defend themselves more extreme and make small problems out of control. In fact, when we ask students to control their emotions, they should learn to control their emotions.
The "active pause" mentioned in the book is similar to the "cold treatment" we often say. In order to win the recognition and support of students, we must first calm down and solve any problems calmly. Students who make mistakes need to "pause" to think calmly about what they have done wrong, and teachers also need time to put themselves in their shoes and understand the purpose or motivation of students' behavior. Severe reprimand may solve some problems quickly, but it respects students and is ineffective in the long run. Of course, in order to make full use of the value of "pause", we must also abide by the four guiding principles listed in the book and cultivate students. Tell your child to use the "cooling-off time" to get better, and then solve the problem on the basis of mutual respect. Never turn a positive "pause" into a negative anger. Use inspiration to guide children who make mistakes.
Nowadays, most children are obedient in front of teachers and want to be good students, but when they make mistakes, they often can't face them calmly. In the eyes of most people, making mistakes is a disgraceful thing, and teachers and parents often pay more attention to punishment than solving problems. In order to avoid punishment and maintain a good image, students who have made mistakes should behave well in a short time to make up for their mistakes and gain recognition again. However, this performance is only temporary. Over time, you may "forget the pain" and continue to make the same mistake. However, what we hope to see is that students can face up to their mistakes and do better when they encounter similar problems in the future. But first, I ...
Students themselves must learn to regard mistakes as exciting learning opportunities. Let children realize that after making mistakes, what they get is not their own self-blame and the teacher's reprimand, but their own gains from the mistakes. In the book, the author provides us with an effective way to guide the children who make mistakes with enlightening questions. The primary purpose of enlightening questions is to make teachers and parents stop telling their children the answers. When children's thoughts or behaviors are inappropriate, help them analyze what to do next, let them learn to analyze and summarize by themselves, and finally choose the best solution with them. The advantage of this method is that it can reduce children's negative emotions, realize their mistakes from the bottom of their hearts, and be more convinced of the solution. The author also thinks that the application of heuristic questions in class meetings is also very effective. As a class teacher, if every class meeting is held by oneself, then the enthusiasm of students will definitely be reduced, and the sense of autonomy will not be developed as it should be. In the long run, it will also have a certain impact on students' thinking ability and creativity in class. The significance of the class meeting is to teach students how to solve confused problems. Asking students what to do attracts their attention more than telling them how to do it. When students realize the benefits of calm thinking, their self-worth will increase accordingly.
For our teachers, positive discipline will neither humiliate students nor humiliate teachers. Based on mutual respect and cooperation, it teaches children to learn to understand and tolerate others and be responsible for their words and deeds. Such a good way of education is indeed worthy of our bold attempt in our usual education and teaching work.
The classic reading "Positive Discipline" 4 "Positive Discipline" points out: "The bad behavior of adults encourages the bad behavior of children. When adults change their behavior, children will change. "
In other words, parents are responsible for many behavioral problems of their children. The key to changing children's bad behavior is that parents should first change themselves and set a good example for their children.
And every adult forms his own personality based on the decisions made in childhood, which are affecting his children.
Therefore, the book "Positive Discipline" used a whole chapter to tell the adult's own attitude towards life, pointing out that there is no good or bad attitude towards life, and parents should pay attention to the influence of their attitude towards life on educating their children, and pay attention to those bad aspects to guide their children to improve.
There are no perfect people in this world, let alone perfect parents. Parents should accept their own imperfections while accepting their children's imperfections.
There is a concept repeatedly mentioned in the book Positive Discipline, that is, "mistakes are opportunities for learning". In fact, this article also applies to parents. In the process of educating children, parents will inevitably not make mistakes, and every mistake should be regarded as a good opportunity to learn.
What impressed me the most was an example about jane nelsen himself mentioned in the book.
The story goes like this: One day, jane nelsen's 8-year-old daughter Mary made jane nelsen angry. Jane nelsen said angrily to Mary, "Mary, you are a naughty child and spoil you!" "
Mary is already familiar with the three R's that have been corrected. She retorted, "Well, don't say sorry in the future." Jane nelsen replied completely unresponsive: "You don't have to worry, because I won't."
Then after listening to this, Mary returned to her room angrily. Jane nelsen soon woke up, realized his behavior, and went to Mary's room to apologize.
Mary was still angry at that time. She has an early edition of Positive Discipline in her hand and is busy underlining the book with a big black marker. Jane nelsen looked behind him and saw Mary scrawled two big words on the book: liar!
You see, even jane nelsen, the founder of positive discipline, makes mistakes, let alone us.
Making mistakes is not terrible. The important thing is that we know how to use these three R's to repair our relationship with our children. We should take our responsibilities after our mistakes, and we can do better next time after our mistakes.
We should set an example of accepting our imperfections and let our children see from us that making mistakes is really a good opportunity to learn.
The feeling behind our actions is more important than our words and deeds.
What we do is never as important as how we do it.
The tone of our voice can often express the feelings behind our words more accurately.
After reading the classic book Positive Discipline, five adults with babies will find that having children, no matter how much the whole family expects and dotes on him, will bring some gradually adapted changes. In order to better educate my children and my children after work, I spent the whole maternity leave pondering the book Positive Discipline.
When I first started working, I took the new fourth grade exam. Although I haven't completely matched them, some children have successfully attracted my attention because of their unique personalities. There is a mark in the class, who has a strong thirst for knowledge, but has a bad habit in class. I like talking to my classmates and interrupting, and I have failed many times in education. I remembered the book "The child who hates most is often the child who needs love most". I decided to comfort him with love. So I added a small prize card to every assignment and secretly told him that he was the first child I noticed in my class. I think he is excellent and sunny, and I believe my eyes. Sometimes he will come to my office alone to show me my homework. I will reward him with a 5-point prize card in person. I will see him squinting happily, hear him say "thank you, Miss Wang" from the bottom of his heart, and then fly out of the office without forgetting to close the door for the teacher. I think this is the nature of children, how cute and sensible.
In teaching, if you meet a misbehaving child, to a great extent, he should be a child who lacks self-confidence. As teachers, we should understand that these children actually just want a sense of belonging, but they don't know how to achieve this goal in an appropriate and effective way. Sometimes, we should also reflect on our words and deeds, whether we ignore the children's feelings, whether we hurt their feelings, and lead to their lack of sense of belonging and value. If we can correctly understand that children's behavior is goal-oriented and realize that the purpose behind children's behavior is to seek a sense of belonging and value first, our attitude towards children will be different, and we will not think that children always deliberately make trouble and always like to be against us. For these children, what I learned most from books is encouragement. As a teacher, facing nearly a hundred children, usually because of impatience, I am used to responding to my bad behavior in a negative way. Criticism can urge children to improve their behavior, but few people have thought deeply about the influence of criticism. Most people think that the best way to help a child is to criticize what he did wrong so that he won't do it again. The book Positive Discipline tells us to encourage. The author has always stressed that although punishment can temporarily stop bad behavior, it can't permanently solve the problem. Only by encouraging children to experience a sense of belonging and value can we achieve long-term accumulation.
After coming back from the holiday, our headmaster commented on me: I didn't shout at the top of my lungs like before, but communicated with the children in the drizzle. This evaluation gave me great encouragement. I think the book "Positive Discipline" has subtly changed me. In the future, I will try to apply these methods to the usual education and teaching work, and really benefit students.