The first means that parents usually use is provocation. Many parents have this inherent concept-"ideal shame and generosity", that is, using crushed and unbearable language, then the child's self-esteem, then the expected self-verification, the symptoms are stronger, and then the host's head. The words used by parents are strongly derogatory. For example, "you are not beautiful and don't care about reading." Who will be in the future? " I didn't expect you to have such a small vesicle, even the same "if you have any semi-excellent people, I will burn up!" " "
The department will bring things that violate the consequences. If children don't take the initiative, they will destroy cans, and even parents are enemies. This is not surprising. When a child's self-esteem is hurt, his inevitable reaction is narcissism. The biggest consequences of narcissism are trouble and chaos, as well as a windy family atmosphere. You think he is supporting it. This is a stupid dream.
Children with strong self-manipulation win their parents in the lonely past and put all their mental energy on their parents, forming a morbid obsessive-compulsive personality [obstacle]. Their hearts will always live with their hard-working whip, because it will be humiliated and punished for not moving forward. His life often shows repetitive mechanical actions, and he is actively running high-speed machines.
The second means of parents is exaggeration. Many parents think that "children brag!" In their eyes, all ordinary behaviors that match the psychological development stage release dazzling brilliance, exaggerated, praise words, and even empty words, trying to make children have a good psychological experience, but it is not appropriate to match their abilities with their praise, so their praise matches their efforts. Over time, children's self-worth is based on the extent to which you have some ideas, and you will seriously lack practical skills and relevant experience as value support. They are usually in a low-energy and isolated position in the lives of their peers and classmates. Bridge realized that "I am already weak", and deep loneliness and anxiety forced them psychologically, and they were repayable, especially infants and young children, who knew how to appreciate, know how to float, avoid competition more and more, and even learned to drop out of school. Such children often bring great trouble to their parents. They are helpless with love, they are just their retarded children. Parents are caught in two dilemmas in the hatred of "children, children collapse"; The same child, the child's degradation dependence. "
The third means of parents is trading. Many parents unconsciously turn their families into trading places. They say a classic sentence: "As long as you finish one thing, I will buy you something". Reading is the best shortcut to change your destiny. This sentence is not a big problem. However, parents strictly understand it as "as long as the child is" and as long as the child is "willing to learn, everything can be something of perfun!" Therefore, in many China families, parents are very straightforward. "As long as you study hard, you don't care about anything!" A series of phenomena, children don't do housework, children don't wash underwear, children don't know firewood, and children don't understand their parents' fun and sadness. When children's academic performance is not good, parents begin to fall into extreme confusion and anger, and their behaviors are sadness, self-pity and complaining, which is a warm "washing".
In order to encourage their children to study hard, more and more parents will collude with academic performance and material rewards, often saying, "If you finish filming next semester, I will buy it for you."
Numerous psychological experiments and history have proved that children can only learn long-term motivation from their persistent interest in learning and their ability to delay. The return on external materials will be unprecedented. Even if you reward a child's spaceship, the child will drool, and it is not from the heart. It's like, if you reward Pan Changjiang, he can't dunk you, cultivate interest and willpower, and the child is most likely to become Yao Ming.
One of the special cases is that parents use "as long as" to escort their children to college. When children enter the university, the value of such values is seriously influenced by children's self-esteem. When students enter the same university, the overall learning ability will not be much different. When parents really understand that the result is not equal to continuous growth, the maturity of personality is the foundation of life, and experience will be regretted and cannot be forced.