1. Make a quick first impression.
In order to reduce the pressure of meeting for the first time, you can simply say hello to avoid a long dinner or giving expensive gifts. Don't expect too much at first. Anything that puts pressure on children may be counterproductive, leading to the rejection of potential stepfathers or stepmother; No one will win at a party full of expectations. Over time, let the children decide the rhythm of the relationship; When she is ready for a closer relationship, she will let you know. For everyone, this is much better than being rejected.
2. Leave time for sadness and let time heal the soul.
If you are a stepfather or stepmother, your marriage started after your parents divorced. Give your stepson some time and space. Remarriage shattered the children's hopes of reuniting with their parents. When their hopes are dashed, children usually begin a natural process of grief. When it is still possible for their parents to reunite, they can postpone the process. It is worth noting that their grief process sometimes includes trying to break up a new marriage, hoping that their father can return to their mother. Remember this and give the situation time and space. If parents die, help children remember their parents by listening to stories, showing photos of their parents in their rooms, or planning a commemorative event on their parents' birthdays. If you think it is necessary, give your child an outlet and get support from an objective person.
3. Treat stepchildren as family members.
If stepchildren go back and forth between parents, they may not live with you 100% of the time. You might think that making a mountain out of a molehill will make them feel special when they are around. In fact, if you treat them as special guests, they won't feel like part of the family. Instead, let them do housework, share their responsibilities, check their homework, attend parent-teacher conferences, and integrate them into their families. Listen to and respect their opinions and praise them when necessary. When children are taught to take certain responsibilities and obligations for the whole family, they will feel better about themselves and be closer to their families. These obligations include respect, kindness and helping others. ?
4. Maintain a stable friendship.
It may be embarrassing to know whether you will love your stepchildren or whether they will love you. But don't worry. We can unconditionally love and support our stepchildren and our own children, but a more realistic goal-at least in the first few years-is just to make friends with our stepchildren. We can choose to be friends with them and act in a loving way, but the feeling of experiencing love is a mystery in itself and beyond our control. ?
5. Cultivate trust and honesty.
Trust is a key component of any relationship. It takes time to build trust when children observe how you handle different situations. If you can win their trust, you may become an important confidant over time.
6. Exchange your interests.
Keep an open mind about stepchildren's interests. You never know what kind of new activities you will like. Curiosity goes both ways. If you are an avid tennis player or rider, they show interest and give it a chance! You may find yourself with a new hobby partner. Similarly, you should have some common habits. Remember, intimacy is created and maintained by two people: parents and children.
I believe that as long as we treat each other sincerely, no child will think it is only a matter of time.