Hello, subject. According to the information in the stem, we can extract four basic facts: After collecting the above background information, I will give you three suggestions, hoping to share your worries.
Suggestion 1: According to the above background information, parents should do two things as soon as possible: First, understand the information of other students who play games with their children, try to communicate with parents and inform them of the situation, put forward "playing games at a fixed time" to reduce the game time, and then try to gradually remove it later. With the strategy of "cutting the bottom of the pot", they exert their strength from the periphery and implement "group prevention and group treatment", which not only achieves the purpose of reducing children's online game time, but also achieves the purpose of reducing children's online game time.
The second is to understand the child's current learning situation at multiple levels. Simply put, it is whether there is a significant decline in performance and take corresponding measures accordingly.
Recommendation 2: Before starting the "five-step active intervention", parents should first self-regulate five kinds of cognition, otherwise they will not be able to communicate with their children in empathy. Cognition 1: Online games are not a scourge, but also have a positive side.
Cognition 2: Online games are really addictive and spoil things.
Cognition 3: Children in rebellious youth need more comfort.
Cognition 4: Parents' emotional management is the ballast stone of parent-child communication.
Cognition 5: The management of children is not only the responsibility of parents, but also through the work of schools, children's classmates and their parents to promote comprehensive management, so as to get twice the result with half the effort.
Suggestion 3: When parents have established the above five basic cognition, they can start the "five steps of active intervention". Step 1: Find "the right communicator, the right communication place and the right communication opportunity". The so-called appropriate communicator refers to an elder that children usually like and are more convinced. Judging from the topic, it is best for parents like uncles, and it is not recommended to choose mothers. The so-called appropriate exchange places, try to choose restaurants and parks that children prefer, and create a relaxed exchange atmosphere; The so-called appropriate communication opportunity means that when the child's mood is relatively peaceful, communication is relatively smooth at this time.
Step 3: Make a promise. When the child agrees to the agreement of "playing for a while after studying at noon or at night", parents should make a verbal agreement with the child in time, and make a "final decision" with "a man should be a gentleman and not break his word" to establish a psychological contract for the child. At the same time, it is necessary to find the first time to cooperate with the class teacher of the children's school and the parents of the students involved. On the one hand, please ask teachers to praise children's learning attitude and academic performance in class, so that children can experience a higher sense of learning achievement again; On the other hand, parents of children and classmates should be invited, and children should also be restrained to jointly implement the agreement of "playing games at a fixed time", so as to shorten the game time and reduce the interference of surrounding influences on children.
Step 4: Prompt reminder of online game time. Parents should remind their children to play the game on time according to the agreement at the beginning of the game, and normalize the game demand. At the same time, children should be reminded of the end time of the game and gradually form consciousness.
Step 5: gradually establish new hobbies and realize the complete substitution of "online games". After the daily study and online games are fixed, parents should take their children to experience many other hobbies in time, find the most suitable choice for their children, and finally realize the complete replacement of online games by gradually establishing new interests. During this period, parents should pay special attention to the characteristics of adolescent children, have enough patience in the process of switching between old and new interests, and avoid children's confrontation, so as to accompany their children to successfully pass the review period and examination period of the senior high school entrance examination and witness their successful casting of another milestone in life.
In a word, when parents find that adolescent children are playing online games while doing homework, they should not intervene preconceived, but should make judgments through careful observation. As long as children do not delay their studies, parents can intervene less; If the impact is relatively large, it is necessary to intervene decisively and actively to prevent children from going astray during the critical growth period.
Finally, I will give you a quote from educator Suhomlinski, and we encourage each other:
These are my thoughts, and I hope I can give you some inspiration.
(The picture comes from the Internet. If there is any copyright, please contact me to delete it. )
Maybe when I met this question in the Q&A, your child had already finished the middle school exam. But I still want to answer the following questions, hoping to help you.
First, let's analyze the possible reasons:
1 fresh stimulus
Perhaps it is because parents didn't let their children touch online games before, but now children will feel very fresh when they first touch online games. Just out of curiosity, I played online games for a long time.
In fact, online games are not a scourge. On the entertainment level, they are similar to playing basketball and football.
In addition, children's curiosity will disappear over time. If you don't interfere, the child may come to his senses slowly.
2 poor self-control
Children generally have poor self-control, especially those whose parents have the final say since childhood. Because of their weak self-management ability, they have not learned to plan their time and study.
Don't realize the seriousness of the problem
Your children may think that playing online games will not affect their studies, so they do it.
If your child cares about academic performance, then the addiction to online games will decrease or even disappear with one or two exams.
4 rebellious psychology
Adolescent children began to advocate their own independent existence, unwilling to obey their parents and hoping to have their own autonomy. It is difficult for parents to accept this reality for a while and will habitually treat it as a child. This is also the main reason for the conflict between adolescent children and their parents (mainly mothers). Children's addiction to games may be a sign of resistance. The more you urge me to study, the less I want to show it to you. When children see their parents' helplessness, they will have a sense of accomplishment in declaring sovereignty.
Then, let's discuss what parents should do:
1 Slow down rebellious psychology
I think the primary task of parents is to reduce their children's rebellious mentality and let parents and children have smooth communication channels.
Of course, for many parents of adolescent children, it is also difficult to communicate with their children normally. In fact, it is often parents, not children, who need to change. Children are constantly growing up, and our parents often form all the arranged behavior habits for their children. This habit applies when children are young, but not when children grow up. Therefore, parents need to reflect on themselves first, not just being parents, but learning to squat down and communicate with their children.
Parents can tell their children about the current social situation, their own life experiences, communicate with their children more, and help them form the ability of independent judgment and correct outlook on life and values, so as to quickly get through the rebellious period. When children's values tend to be rational and mature, both learning and socializing will meet their parents' expectations.
3 Cultivate children's self-discipline ability
Children should take care of themselves eventually, and we should cultivate their self-discipline from now on. My understanding of self-discipline mainly refers to doing the right thing at the right time.
Parents should set an example of self-discipline for their children. If parents adhere to principles and pay attention to self-discipline in their daily lives, and they are reflected in their actions, they will play a powerful demonstration role for their children.
Self-discipline is the ability to control self-behavior. Parents can give their children the right to choose independently within a certain range and cultivate their sense of control over their own behavior.
Good self-discipline is inseparable from effective time management. Parents should cultivate their children's time management ability. Parents can guide their children to make daily schedules and plan various activities. Then urge the children to carry it out.
I hope my answer will help you and other parents with similar problems.
I am glad to receive the official push question.
Personally, I think it is unfair to label 16-year-old children unilaterally. Rebellion is a phenomenon that children show. If we restore the life stories in real life, it actually has a lot to do with the problems existing in parents' education of their children. Children can get a sense of accomplishment and happiness by talking about rewards and encouragement in the game, and they can also look directly at the failure in the game. What children can't find or get in real life can be obtained in games. Children who love to play games are not stupid. Parents' addiction to games can reflect their lack of education for their children.
Therefore, for children who play games, parents are advised to accept and identify with their children first, and discuss with them the inspiration gained from the happiness in the game. Another is to encourage children to play games and manage their time well, and other aspects will gradually improve. Parents should wait patiently for flowers to bloom. The premise is that parents should improve themselves, reflect on themselves, warm their children with full love, care about children first, then care about events, and finally solve problems.
I hope it helps you! Bless you!
In the Internet age, it is not a case that children are addicted to games. There is such an example around me, which is almost exactly the same as the question of the subject child.
This is my relative's child. He has always done well in primary school. When he first entered the first grade, he was often in the top dozens of the whole grade. Later, because many boys in the class used mobile phones to play games, he wanted his parents to buy their own mobile phones, but my relatives' family has always been very strict, even unreasonable. Therefore, children will naturally not use mobile phones. But soon, some students lent him their mobile phones and started playing games crazily. At first, parents didn't know. Later, the child's grades dropped badly, so I carefully observed the changes of the child. Later, I found out that the child was playing games all night. Parents did not directly stop their children from playing games, but called the owner of the mobile phone to take it back and stop lending it to their children. Then tell the children to play less games by innuendo. Later, everyone had a showdown. The child asked his parents to buy him a mobile phone. Of course, after buying the mobile phone, he is still addicted to the game, but he will hand it in at night. Naturally, the results never returned to the original level.
I know the whole process from what happened to now. Parents really stepped on thunder when educating their children. The damage caused by these "bright spots" to the parent-child relationship is almost irreparable.
So what should parents do under such circumstances?
First, listen to the children's voices and let them talk about their ideas. Children play games for a reason. Maybe it's because everyone around you is playing games. When others talk about games during recess, they can't understand what their classmates are saying. It is difficult to integrate, which is not conducive to the normal interpersonal relationship of children. It may also be because children are under too much pressure to learn and don't know how to release it. Only through the virtual game world can they get the sense of accomplishment of fighting violence with violence.
You see, children don't indulge in games for no reason. They also have their own ideas, and their parents should give them opportunities to express them. My relatives are negative examples. Although relatives are kind to children, they never reason with them. They just bluntly said that they can't play mobile phones and games! If the child doesn't listen, he will hit someone. If so, the child is completely between the two emotions of resistance and fear. Even if children obey their parents on the surface, they are very exclusive and exclusive inside.
So, first listen to why children play games. Only when he knows what he really thinks can he prescribe the right medicine.
Second, adopt different communication methods according to children's feedback. If children are envious when they see that everyone else has a mobile phone, I suggest that parents can buy a mobile phone for their children and give it to their parents when they are studying. After all, the present learning environment is different from our time. Today's children have mobile phones, if not, they will have a stronger psychological desire to play.
If children are addicted to games, we can cultivate other hobbies for them, take them to outdoor activities and divert their attention.
(Note: The picture is from the Internet)
Children should be obedient when they are young, but they will break out in adolescence and become rebellious and disobedient. If you don't let them do anything, they will do whatever they want.
Children of this age already have their own cognition, which is difficult to change. Most parents have to pay for the consequences of not knowing education before.
And because of the problem of study or play, the relationship between parents and children is incompatible, which is the fundamental reason. The relationship is not good, and a word is inconsistent:
The child doesn't know the specific situation and can't reply accurately.
A case likes games, and it is more attractive for teenagers to experience behavior patterns that are not experienced in reality in games. A cousin of mine had a similar experience. Two years ago, at the age of 15, his body and mind began to develop rapidly, and he was in the stage of sexual maturity, and he became interested in heterosexual sex. Coupled with my poor self-control, I was exposed to some bad information. At the age of 15, the whole person began to get bad, depressed and began to communicate with others. I began to fall in love with the glory of the king, lying in bed every day, playing games when I woke up, sleeping when I was tired, and being sent to bed for dinner.
After living like this for nearly two years, I may be tired of playing recently and start to contact the outside world. I lived with him for two weeks and found that he was very self-centered and didn't care about other people's feelings at all. Maybe he couldn't think of others. /kloc-a 0/7-year-old adult, still like a child, I helped him analyze his current situation at a dinner table, and then began to blame him and made him cry. I'm glad to see him crying, which proves that his inner vitality has not died out.
Our whole extended family also cares about him. Now he is full of energy. I hope he will get better and better in the future.
The power of example Children's poor education is mostly related to their parents. Without TV at home, they don't watch TV or play mobile phones, and they read and study after work every day. I believe my children will imitate it.
I remember watching TV when I was a child. Every time I eat, my father turns on the TV. I would take the bowl and forget to look at it, and then my dad would yell at me. I think this kind of situation should be more common. I can't do it myself, but I hope my children can do it well. I like playing games. I hope my children don't play games. I have no self-control. I hope my children have self-control. I have no goals. I hope my children have goals. This is a very sad thing.
The child 16 years old is in the rebellious period of youth. He is addicted to games and mobile phones, and his parents can't listen. He saw that his studies were declining and the parent-child relationship was collapsing. Such problems are also the pain points and difficulties faced by many families of adolescent children. Here, let me show myself and teach you two tricks:
0 1 Help children understand the logic behind the game. My son just turned 17 years old. Recalling the trajectory of his growth all the way is also an experience that is constantly entangled with his parents because of mobile games. In the past, in order not to affect our study, we strictly controlled the time of mobile phones. Play games at home every day and set the countdown with your mobile phone. Be sure to hand it in then. On the surface, the mobile phone is under control, but according to students, as long as he has time, he will play crazily, a gesture of vowing to make up for lost time. By the end of the semester, my grades had not improved much.
When I found that this compulsory control didn't work, I found time to communicate patiently with my son. I told him that the logic of mobile games is to lure children to invest time and money by rewarding scores, grades and equipment, and finally make huge profits for the game company. Continue to play, the game company laughs, and the last one cries is himself.
After the talk, I calmly returned my cell phone to my son so that he could learn to manage himself. Finish the main business study first and then play games every day. It is impossible to completely eliminate the use of mobile phones. Appropriate games are also a way to socialize and relieve the pressure of study.
Since my son took charge of his mobile phone, he has not been so crazy. He asked me to cooperate with him when I was doing my homework, and put my mobile phone outside the study to separate the man from the machine. When learning and entertainment were separated and self-control was implemented, my son's grades soon came up. From the original 70-80 points, all returned to more than 90 points.
Cultivate children's broad interests and set lofty goals. Children are addicted to mobile phones. In the final analysis, they have no dreams and goals. Nowadays, most children live a relatively comfortable life. They don't have to worry about anything except study. Parents are fully responsible for housework, and children are basically a "learning machine". From primary school, many children study and make up lessons under the arrangement of their parents, but few children think about their ideals and goals.
Children without goals are easy to get confused and get tired, especially in adolescence, when there are more and more children with great learning pressure and depressed mood. Therefore, it is very important to develop your own interests and specialties and establish your own life goals.
Xiaoyu, my son's senior, is a master of games. Seeing this, his mother didn't stop him from playing games, but encouraged him to further expand in this respect. He is really a gifted child. Since he took a robot course, he has set up a robot club at school. From then on, he not only fell in love with robot programming, but also recruited junior students to become their little teachers and lead everyone to learn and grow. After several years of training, the children not only cultivated leadership, but also set a lofty goal of becoming a robot career in the future.
Mobile phone is not a scourge, it can be a carrier of learning, a social platform, a shopping place and a tool to adjust body and mind. In the era of rapid development of the Internet, the virtual world is a reality that children will face in the future. Parents living in the real world must rationally see this trend, so that children can learn self-management as soon as possible and actively control mobile phones and electronic products. Only in this way can they dominate their future destiny.
In the process of children's growth, they will go through a series of rebellious periods The most prominent rebellious period is adolescence. Therefore, rebellious period is often equivalent to adolescence. If you want to save rebellious children from indulging in games, you can't confuse them with saving ordinary children.
The latest research on the human brain shows that the frontal cortex of the brain may develop rapidly between the ages of 10 and 20, which will cause some confusion to teenagers. They often misunderstand the suggestions of people around them as provocative behavior. They don't want to submit to adults, and the word "cooperation" means "submission" to them. So excessive control is disastrous for them. Guiding and establishing rules is the right choice and a particularly high-tech choice.
First of all, we must find out the specific reasons why children are addicted to games.
In order to guide children and save them from the game, we must first find out the reasons why they are addicted to the game. Some people may wonder: the game is so fun that even children will like it. What is the reason? This is only the appearance, and there are deep-seated reasons behind every bad behavior of children.
These children all have one thing in common: lack of sense of belonging and value. As it happens, online games without any moral judgment and behavioral constraints can help them find their sense of belonging and value lost in real life.
Children who are addicted to games may be the most distressing children and often the children who need the most care. As parents, we must first find out what the above factors lead to children's addiction to games, or how their sense of belonging and gratitude for value are lost. Only by finding the cause can we prescribe the right medicine.
How to find and find the reason?
The method is of course communication and observation. The problem is that children generally don't tell you why. Their refusal will not necessarily leave us at a loss. As parents of adults, we can get the information we want in our daily life by observing our faces and colors.
Here are some simple suggestions about observation:
2. If their behavior makes you angry and feel challenged and threatened, you can either go to war with them or surrender; Although they are unwilling to obey or passively resist and go underground, they are basically seeking power.
If their behavior makes you feel sad and disappointed, you need to humiliate them and fight them back, but they are getting more and more fierce, then they are taking revenge.
4. If they are passive and don't want others to intervene, which makes you feel desperate and helpless, it is typical self-abandonment.
Therefore, I will focus on how to save those children who are addicted to games because of self-abandonment.
Guide correctly:
1, set an example for children to live a balanced life. If you don't need to work, don't hold your mobile phone or computer all day to dabble in some websites and information that have no guiding significance to our lives; Reading, sports, diaries, handicrafts, etc. They are all good choices for leisure. If you expect your children to do it, you should do it yourself first.
2. Spend more time with your children and discuss your views on online games with them. Guide them to discuss in the direction we expect, give them a positive response, and make them feel that their views are valuable;
3. Help them find interests beneficial to their physical and mental health. Interest is not difficult to cultivate, but children spend too little time betting. Attention and interest are mutually causal. Many interesting events are not interesting at all, but they will be interesting if you participate more. It is the key to cultivate interest to accompany children to participate in healthy activities.
Create a rule:
1, limit the use time, and take constructive measures against violations without punishment. Yes, let the children do some work that is beneficial to the family and give corresponding compensation;
2. Don't download related games and video software, and don't let children know the account password of electronic products;
3. If necessary, only use it during on-site supervision;
4. Tell your child the fact that you are addicted, and forbid to continue using electronic products until you find a way to limit yourself.
Children in the rebellious period have made many parents feel headache and helpless. How to communicate effectively with rebellious children, we must first find the weak points of children's psychological defense. On the one hand, children are rebellious because of their sense of independence in adolescence, on the other hand, they are also related to their parents' educational methods.