The "China Children's Development Program" promulgated by the State Council in 20001puts forward the goals and specific actions of family education in the new century: "Give full play to the respective educational advantages of schools, families and society, make full use of social resources, form a joint educational force, and promote the integration of school education, family education and social education. Attach importance to and improve family education, strengthen publicity and theoretical research on family education knowledge, run all kinds of parent schools well, help parents establish correct concepts of conservation and education, and master scientific educational knowledge and methods. "
In the eight qualities of children's growth: being a man, seeking knowledge, strengthening body, strengthening mind, appreciating beauty, practicing, innovating and living, we found through investigation that:
(1) Parents are most concerned about knowledge (85.95%), life (83.67%) and health (4 1.35%).
(2) The three most neglected aspects by parents are practice (40.86%), innovation (39.24%) and aesthetics (36.80%).
(3) Parents are most confused about "children's rebellious psychology", "communication with children's hearts" and "feeling helpless in the face of children"
First, the ideological and moral problems of contemporary middle school students
1, the influence of social environment
Ugly phenomena such as moral anomie, lack of honesty, counterfeiting, cheating and fraud have appeared, money worship, hedonism and extreme individualism have grown, and the gap between the rich and the poor has widened, which has impacted the ideological and moral defense line and brought negative effects on the growth of minors. The infiltration of western ideology, culture, values and lifestyle has corroded the minds of minors, increased uncontrollable factors in education and increased the difficulty of students' ideological and moral education.
2. The misunderstanding of family education.
The one-child education has become an important topic in our educational exploration. Nowadays, the only child is a child who grew up in front of the TV. Children didn't understand adults before. Today's adults don't understand children, so it is difficult to understand today's children. There are some misunderstandings in family education, such as blind doting, narrow vision and one-sided requirements.
3. Blind spots in school education
There are blind spots in the understanding and implementation of school moral education, which are mainly manifested in:
(1) The educational curriculum is too intellectual and theoretical, with more one-way indoctrination and less two-way understanding;
(2) Moral education tends to be artificial, superficial and isolated;
(3) There are many ways of education, collective preaching, less individual education, more punishment and less guidance;
(4) Moral education is rigid, lacking vitality and charm, and its effectiveness is not enough. Moral education fails to give full play to its role in helping people's life development and improving their ideological and moral level and quality of life.
(5) "Complex object, simple education" leads to the disconnection between students' knowledge and practice, and education falls into the strange circle of "grasping repetition, grasping repetition".
4. Characteristics of current students (only child):
At home, the performance is: bullying, lazy, greedy cat, stubborn cow, dawdling, careless.
In school, the performance is: ① ungrateful to people, indifferent to things, not restrained, not working hard; I only have myself in my heart and no one else. I only know how to accept love, but I don't know how to love others. ③ Lack of effort and independence, lack of sense of responsibility and obligation.
Second, the misunderstanding in family education.
1, misunderstanding
Parents want their children to get into a good university, find a good job, have a higher social status and higher economic income, and do everything possible to make their children get ahead, instead of becoming an ordinary worker and builder.
Parents' psychology is understandable, of course, but if everyone just wants to take, doesn't want to pay, and can't treat life with a normal heart, then this kind of thinking is potentially a serious crisis.
2. misunderstanding.
The concept of exam-oriented education also deeply affects parents. They regard the examination of famous middle schools and famous universities as the only educational goal, but they don't really realize that everyone is a comprehensive and dynamic subject, and that people's various qualities are interrelated and influenced each other, while practice is the ultimate goal of education and learning, innovation is the soul of children and social development and progress, and aesthetics is the key to social civilization and harmonious life.
3. Mistakes in action
At present, parents are generally willing to invest in intelligence and attach importance to their children's learning, which is a good thing. However, blindly pursuing high marks and locking children in the study of textbook knowledge ignores the comprehensiveness, richness and initiative of children's lives, which is not only not conducive to children's acquisition of knowledge in many aspects and exercise of thinking, but also to their all-round and healthy development. Moreover, learning textbook knowledge itself is inefficient, because this kind of fatigue tactics can easily make children physically and mentally exhausted, always in a passive coping state, and even produce rebellion and fear. Therefore, parents should be less forced and more guided and motivated; Less restrictions, more freedom, giving children a space for active growth and self-education.
Three or four pairs of contradictions that family education must solve.
1, the contradiction between high expectations and low realization
It is understandable for parents to expect their children to succeed, but they must fully understand their children, set realistic goals for them, follow the principle of step by step, have a gradient and be within reach. As the saying goes, "jump up and pick fruits." If the goal is too big and too far away, it will stop the child. In addition, parents' follow-up inspection and nagging will make children rebellious. This has formed a vicious circle. Children feel that their parents have given them problems, and parents feel that their children have failed their painstaking efforts because they have not worked hard. Therefore, we propose that family education should avoid "high, big, empty and far" and strive for the concept of "near, small, practical and close".
2. The contradiction between emotional care and demand behavior.
With the improvement of social material living conditions and the popularization of family planning policy, parents pay more and more attention to their only child. But at the same time, parents have too high expectations for their children, too heavy tasks and too strict requirements. Many times, it is beyond their tolerance, so that children can't feel the warmth and happiness of this kind of care, but can only taste the bitterness of demanding and pressure. Therefore, parents should not only have the feelings of loving children, but also pay attention to the methods of loving children, and turn love and doting into caring and skillful love. We have always advocated that children should be the main body of education, so that children can experience themselves, feel themselves and educate themselves, that is, let children become passive and active, and change "asking children to do" into "asking children to do".
3. Contradiction between vertical comparison and horizontal comparison.
Parents are used to longitudinal comparison and often use their adolescent life experiences to educate their children. They took pains to state how studious, diligent, hardworking and sensible they were when they were young, and then blamed their children for being "lazy, hating work", "not making progress" and "not understanding their parents". Children, on the other hand, are used to making horizontal comparisons with people and things around them, such as chasing famous brands, high consumption and high enjoyment. Some children even complain that their parents are incompetent and incompetent. In view of this, when educating their children, parents should take real life as the basis, choose good ones to guide and encourage them, and use as few reasons and examples as possible.
4. The contradiction between parents' outdated knowledge view and children's advanced knowledge view.
Due to the acceleration and improvement of the informatization process in modern society, children's access to knowledge and information has been greatly broadened. However, parents are far behind their children because of work burden, family life pressure, inherent mode inertia and other factors. In this case, if parents still think that their children will never grow up and always want to teach them and instill their own ideas and methods into their children, children will think that their parents are too conservative, too backward and too old-fashioned, and always want to get rid of their parents' shackles and live and develop freely. This situation often makes parents very helpless. In order to maintain their dignity and "face", they have to adopt a high-handed policy, which further intensifies the contradiction between parents and children. Therefore, parents must learn to "squat down" to communicate with their children, learn the advantages of their children with an open mind, help each other, learn from each other and make progress together.
Four or twelve pieces of advice from a middle school student to his parents.
1, don't give me everything. In fact, sometimes I just want to know how far my luck can go.
Don't yell at me. You yelling at me will only reduce my respect for you and teach me to yell.
Don't always give orders. If you ask me for something instead of giving me an order, I will do it more willingly.
Please keep your promise.
5, don't compare me with anyone, if you think I am better than others, someone will be sad; If you think I am inferior to others, it will be me who will be sad.
6. Don't let me do this for a while, and let me do that for a while, which makes me feel at a loss.
Please let me stand on my own two feet. If you do everything for me, I will never learn to do anything again.
Don't lie in front of me, and don't make me lie for you, which will make me stop believing what you say.
9. When you make a mistake, please admit it. Your behavior will also teach me to admit my mistakes.
10, when I tell you my problem, please try to understand and help me and tell me if you love me.
1 1. Please treat me like a friend. Although we are family, it doesn't mean that we can't be friends.
12, don't make me do what you don't do. I will never do what you ask me to do, and I won't do it myself.
Five, improve the quality of family education must be guided by updating the concept of family education.
To educate children well, we must first improve the quality of parents. Parents should focus on the development of their children's lives, the prospects and trends of social development, and closely cooperate with school education to make their children grow up happily.
As the saying goes, "Only the feet know whether the shoes fit or not". "Management" and "no matter", care and strict requirements are all aimed at promoting the healthy growth of children. Parents must fully understand their children, teach them in accordance with their aptitude, treat them objectively, and adapt to the requirements according to their hobbies, personality characteristics and knowledge level, that is, they should not spoil or be demanding, especially they should not blindly compare with other children. Secondly, it is necessary to master scientific educational methods, which should be managed and released; Manage when you manage, and put it when you put it; Third, we should base ourselves on children's reality, take children's growth as the center, take other people's experience and book knowledge as reference, and never rigidly apply other people's teaching experience to educate children.
At the same time, parents should accept new family education concepts, master scientific family education methods, and turn these concepts and methods into concrete behavior practice of educating children, so that children can really benefit. In family education, parents should focus on establishing new concepts such as talent view, parent-child view, evaluation view and teaching view. They should treat children equally, respect them, and educate them scientifically according to the laws of their physical and mental development. For example: more "shaping" and less "transforming"; Democracy also needs authority; We should combine example teaching with environmental teaching; To compete, not to compare; Obedience is an advantage, too obedient is a disadvantage; To score, but also to calculate the gold content in miles; It is necessary to cultivate "subject-oriented" talents. The general focus of family education is the improvement of children's comprehensive quality, which is the development of children's life, rather than just focusing on one thing, so that children can develop in an all-round, harmonious, fulfilling and healthy way.