I believe that many parents have encountered this situation and want to apologize to their children, but they can't say it, so they use many other ways to express their inner apologies, such as asking their children to eat, finding various topics to chat with them, and even making up for it with materials.
However, in children's eyes, this behavior of parents is not to admit mistakes, but to find a step for themselves, and these formal apologies will only set a bad example for children, and will not teach children the quality of courage to bear, but will also affect the relationship between parents and children.
So why is it so difficult for parents to really say "sorry" to their children? How should parents apologize to their children when they make mistakes?
In fact, sometimes parents are not unaware of their mistakes, but it is difficult to apologize positively to their children and sincerely say sorry to them. One of the reasons is that parents feel ashamed after making mistakes. Psychologically speaking, shame is a mixture of inferiority, anger and fear. When parents make mistakes, they may have negative thoughts such as "I am not a good mother" and "I did a terrible job" because of shame, which makes it difficult for parents to express their apologies calmly.
Naturally, parents can't say "sorry" to their children. Another reason is the consciousness of defending authority. With the growth of children, the conflicts and contradictions between parents and children gradually escalate, from simple things such as eating and sleeping as children to the collision of different outlook on life and values between parents and children. With the gradual establishment of children's outlook on life, parents and children will inevitably have conceptual conflicts if they want to stick to their own ideas and choices. This conflict makes parents feel that their authority has been challenged. In order to continue to play an important guiding role in children's lives, they often refuse to apologize to their children. Moreover, parents often grow up in the way of education like their ancestors, and it is difficult for them to compromise with their children easily.
A friend told me that my children always learn not to admit their mistakes when they make mistakes. Before, the child broke the computer at home. Because of busy work, there is no time to play computer, so the children keep it a secret. Later, when they temporarily needed to work from home, they discovered the truth.
Later, under his repeated questioning, the child admitted his mistake. In fact, why children learn not to face their own mistakes is also deeply influenced by their parents. Many parents will not choose to apologize to their children when they do something wrong, because they can neither save face nor avoid lowering their prestige.
But in fact, not apologizing will affect your prestige and your child's behavior habits.
Some parents, after making mistakes, realize that their actions are wrong, but it is difficult to express their apologies to their children. It is difficult for them to learn to take responsibility in the future.
On the contrary, parents who know how to apologize raise their children well. Huo Siyan once accidentally hit uh-huh, and she immediately apologized to him. When Uh-huh said that a mother didn't need to apologize, Huo Siyan said that her mother also needed to apologize for doing something wrong. Because of Huo Siyan's way of enlightenment education, uh-huh, he was trained to be a sensible and understanding child.
Children will learn your words and deeds from you, and how you treat mistakes will also learn how to bear them.
Moreover, if parents always avoid talking about their mistakes, the harm done to their children will never be made up. You think the child has forgotten, but the child has always kept it in mind.
Dong Qing once talked about her father's strict discipline, which made her very miserable and even thought about giving up her life. But then, once, my father suddenly gave her a toast when he was eating with her, and he seriously apologized to her for his education at that time. Although Dong Qing choked up several times when talking about this matter, it was hard to hide his joy.
In fact, what children sometimes care about is not your "sorry", but your concern and understanding.
A survey in the United States once found that children would equate their parents' apologies with their parents' love for them. If parents make mistakes but don't apologize to themselves, children will think that parents don't love themselves.
For those children with scars in their hearts, an apology from their parents can make them feel their parents' concern, help them rebuild their trust and love for their parents, and the wounds in their hearts will heal.
Therefore, when parents make mistakes, they should be brave enough to admit them.
1. Learn to apologize in time.
Psychological research shows that the best time to apologize is after 10 minutes, preferably not more than two days. Children who are wronged may just cry for a while, but this does not mean that parents can relax, because children's emotions may accumulate in their hearts slowly, even for life.
Hook is very good at educating children. He has the courage to admit his mistakes frankly. Once, she went to pick Angie up, more than an hour later than the appointed time. Angie felt very unhappy and ignored her mother. Seeing this situation, Hook approached Angie and apologized to him, explaining that he would take his younger brother for a medical examination so late. Feeling her mother's apology, Angie quickly forgave her mother and gave her a painting.
Your explanation makes the child feel love and understanding, which can also be transformed into strength in his life.
Step 2 apologize sincerely
When we apologize to our children, we should sincerely explain the reasons to them. Many parents have no sincerity when apologizing to their children:
"Dad shouldn't hit you, but who made you do so badly in the exam and made Dad angry?"
"Mom shouldn't forget the gift she promised to buy you, but mom is too busy on a business trip. Is this not normal? "
Such an apology, for children, does not make them feel that their parents are rethinking their mistakes, but will aggravate the harm to children. Therefore, when apologizing to your child, you should be sincere and let the child feel that his feelings are cared about. Such an apology is meaningful.
Parents who bravely apologize can gain a warm and happy family and a brave, optimistic and happy child. Therefore, when parents make mistakes, don't be shy and bravely express your apologies to your children!