Parents, as their children's first teachers, have a very important position and must set an example to guide their children to grow up correctly. Next, I want to talk about some problems that should be avoided in educating children, hoping to help you. After avoiding these problems, I believe it will play a correct role in educating children. First, it is the crystallization of parents' love to overindulge children and ignore non-intellectual factors. It is our nature to love children, but it is a unique love created by human beings. In the family education of all countries in the world, China's parents are among the best in doting on their children. This kind of doting is a kind of abnormal psychology of the brilliance of love in human nature. After this deformed love is magnified, tenderness becomes a shackle and love becomes a trap. The result of distorted human nature is even worse than the animal nature released by a lioness when she reaches the age of Africa and throws her cubs on the vast grassland. In this regard, educator makarenko once said a classic sentence: "Everything was given to the children, everything was sacrificed, even his own happiness. This is the most terrible gift parents give their children. " Besides doting, strict China parents' neglect of their children's non-intellectual factors is also quite terrible. In this regard, many parents, according to their own way of thinking, have seriously stifled children's non-intellectual factors such as psychology, emotion, will and interest. From the age of three or four or even earlier, parents began to ignore their children's playful nature, blindly learning knowledge, blindly directing education, and ordering their children to learn Chinese characters, recite Tang poems, recite Song poems, and practice arithmetic, leaving behind their non-intellectual factors such as self-esteem, self-confidence, persistence, and innovative ability. But children are children after all. Even if there are countless reasons in their young minds, how can they find an excuse to challenge and oppose their parents' staring, clenched fists and majesty with China traditional cultural factors? Second, mental violence stifles the establishment of independent personality. There is an interesting story about education, which tells the difference between Chinese and foreign family education: a child in China, holding his own painting for his parents to appreciate, will say, look, do I paint like it? Similarly, foreign children will say to their parents, look, can I draw? There is only one word difference between this "image" and "good", but there is a world of difference. In the same environment and different ways of asking questions, it is certain to get completely different answers. There is no need to explain the truth, and two different educational methods and concepts are on the paper. Since ancient times, China people have never lacked wisdom, but there is no doubt that what we lack is innovation, adaptability and competitiveness. Parents are children's first teachers, but if our teachers suffer from psychological violence since childhood, and the old ideas are not updated with the development of society, what a terrible treatment we will enjoy when the heavy responsibility of education falls on them again! It can be said responsibly that our children, under the cultivation of the first teacher, have never established an independent personality at all. This is not the fault of parents, but the sorrow of China's family education. Third, material stimulation, disguised money worship induction. Children who grew up in China's family education must be familiar with the word material stimulation. It is understood that this seems to be the unique killer of China's parents: all test scores are above 85 points, buying airplane toys and yogurt for children; If you can enter the top three in the class, you will be awarded 100 yuan. On the contrary, the stimulation effect is strikingly similar in different ways. When the pursuit of outlook on life turns into greed for material things, where can we talk about independent competition consciousness and sound personality? Sometimes, the reason is the same. Sure enough, the so-called "courageous award" and other absurd systems have been introduced one after another. This is not the sorrow of one person, but the sorrow of a group of people, and even reflects the sorrow of a country, a nation and a culture with an imperfect legal system. In children's minds, this is a disguised form of money worship induction. Perhaps from this moment on, a curtain of corruption quietly opened. Fourth, corporal punishment, the "best" accomplice corporal punishment in exam-oriented education, is the most familiar to children in China, especially rural children and schools in some underdeveloped areas. There are many reasons for China's parents, such as "Don't spoil the child" and "Filial son comes out under the stick", so a brand-new cycle continues: parents who have been beaten with sticks are still beating their children, and teachers who have been beaten with sticks are still beating their students. Everyone knows that cramming teaching in exam-oriented education is wrong. However, for parents with red eyes waiting for good grades, they can't care about these. Their most comfortable feeling and satisfactory way is to fully support school education and be an accomplice in exam-oriented education. I just put down my schoolbag when I came home from school. The first thing my parents said was, have you finished the homework assigned by your teacher? I just want to play! Didn't your teacher ask you to write new words fifty times? How many times have you written it? This is something that everyone has experienced and abided by. Now that I think about it, is it funny? Fifth, China's parents can't be completely blamed on the frequent changes and the lack of foresight and stage of educational goals, because many parents are still struggling for survival. But one thing is certain, that is, today they think it is good to be an official, so they tell their children to study hard and strive to be a big official in the future; If they think writing a book will make money tomorrow, they will buy a bunch of literary works and let their children study hard. Of course, parents' own qualities are also very different, and the corresponding practices will be different to varying degrees. Even so, there is no doubt that China's family education lacks foresight and stage, or has targeted and directionless behavior to children's future education mode and direction. Even, this phenomenon has two extremes. First, parents completely enslave their children, that is, parents keep their word and let you go to the East, but you dare not go to the West. Second, parents completely ignore their children's "wildness". They never tell you to go east or west. You can beat the dog or drive the chicken at will. But in any case, the consequences of completely ignoring or paying too much attention to family education are not satisfactory. Sixth, mentally, children are the most familiar strangers to their parents. If the above five aspects are more based on children's early education, then the following five aspects pay more attention to parents' education of adult children. In early family education, parents are masters to some extent, but in adult education, parents' master status is shared by schools. Parents often hear such words: finally relaxed, son lives in school; The school teacher will educate the children well, and we should have a rest; Children only go home once a month or even half a year. Where can I educate him? Family education and school education have not reached a complete tacit understanding here, and differences have arisen. The birth of differences is, on the one hand, the rapid growth of children, the continuous establishment and stability of interpersonal relationships such as new environment and new friends, on the other hand, the strangeness of parents to their children. I often don't meet each other, and I just say a few polite words after meeting. In the end, children become the most familiar strangers to their parents. What is familiar is their past, and what is unfamiliar is their spirit and future. Seventh, in career, children become tools for parents to realize unrealized ideals. "At that time, our conditions were poor and we didn't have the opportunity to go to college, so you should study hard and strive for further study in college!" Most parents in China think so, at least when their children are young: study hard, get into a good university and get a high score. This seems to be the only expectation of China parents for their children. But after entering the university? "You see, I went to college and got a degree, but I still didn't become a decent official, so you must be a big official when you finish college!" This is another part of highly educated parents. So, from helping my child choose a primary school, I even went to a key middle school, and then my child went to college. I went home and asked my parents, what should I fill in? This is the domestic children, there are still a few days to go to college, and they have to go home and ask their parents what major to choose! This result is entirely the evil result of China's family education: children passively obey their parents' instructions, gradually deepen, tend to assimilate, and finally ask their parents for it, and finally become a tool for their parents to realize their unfulfilled ideals. Eighth, in terms of morality, parents and school education are "super blank" together! This topic should be combined with "ruling the country by virtue" that we advocate, which will be more exciting and show China's helplessness on moral issues. Imagine, if we talk about morality, has the morality we have and understand fallen? This is also a manifestation of non-intellectual factors. Intelligence is the most important factor in family education in China. As for the development of morality, sports, beauty and labor, even school education is a dead letter. How can you ask your parents? It is clearly written on the red certificate issued when I was a child that the student has developed in an all-round way in morality, intelligence, physique and beauty this semester and achieved excellent results. I am here to reward him and encourage him. But what is this? But that's only because I got 95 points on my paper, that's all. Ninth, in life, material support is almost rampant, which is related to doting, but it is not exactly the same. If children's reach for food varies from childhood to family, then when children grow up and study alone in other places, almost overwhelming material support begins. According to the author's experience, the material sources that children get from childhood are as follows: First, the "bonus" after reaching the standard; The second is to help parents buy back the change; The third is the meal and bus fare given by parents every day; Fourth, the rewards given by relatives and friends, especially the lucky money for the New Year; Fifth, do odd jobs during holidays. Generally speaking, these sources cannot be compared with the material support provided by parents. Material support is understandable, but once it is flooded, the behavior of people whose hearts are dominated by money is often terrible.