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Someone asked online: Should parents tell their children the real economic situation at home?

This problem is universal, and it is an educational topic that every family will encounter, which is worth discussing.

I have known that my family is poor since I was a child, which is of course the result of my parents' constant reminding:

My parents didn't pretend to be poor to experience me, nor did they pretend to be rich because they were worried about my inferiority.

In fact, even if they don't talk, I will naturally know the real economic situation at home. After all, the lack of material is hard to hide. In fact, I didn't feel inferior because I was poor. After all, the living standards of every household in the village were similar at that time.

As the saying goes, there is no harm without comparison!

But I know that parents are often unhappy, seldom laugh, and occasionally quarrel over money. Every time they scold us, they always say "our family has no money".

Therefore, it is rare to put on new clothes on holidays, take over the red envelope with only five wallets, open the red envelope and hand it in after the new year, and then give my parents some money to pay tuition ... My heart is full of anxiety and embarrassment.

I think it's because of me that they are so bitter, so poor and so unhappy.

I believe that only by studying hard can we repay our parents and let them live a good life in the future, but what is a good life like? I am vague, probably just making a lot of money!

The real inferiority complex began when I was finally admitted to a provincial university. Seeing my classmates all over the country, I really understood the gap between the rich and the poor and its significance.

In fact, what made me feel inferior at first was not poverty itself, but the feeling that poverty brought me like a frog in a well. Although my grades are among the best, I can only listen to them when they are sleeping in the dormitory. Their daily life is so novel that it is out of my reach.

Of course, I envy other people's new skirts and delicious snacks, and I am deeply ashamed that they can buy what they like without hesitation-your parents are still sweating for your tuition, and you still expect those unattainable things?

That feeling is called: I shouldn't want it! I don't deserve it Then lie to yourself. I don't want it.

Throughout my student days, I secretly hid my envy of others. I was proud of my diligence and thrift. The only thing that allowed me to show my self-worth was studying hard, which not only made my eyes shine, but also won a scholarship, which improved my life a little.

After graduation, I finally don't have to ask for money from home. I still scrimp and save. Whenever I grit my teeth to give up what I love and send more money to my family, I tell myself that I have finally realized my childhood promise. Whenever there is a faint loss and unwillingness in my heart, there is another voice in my heart saying: Why are you so selfish? Your parents have worked hard for you all their lives. How can you only think about yourself?

The sequela caused by the lack still appeared at many later moments, which made me embarrassed and made me afraid to enjoy the fruits of my efforts.

It took me many years and many difficult detours to gradually correct the morbid view of money established by my family.

Having said that, you may think that my opinion is: if the family is not rich, don't tell the children, lest they feel inferior?

Don't! On the contrary!

I think we should tell them! But more importantly, how to tell!

There is a debate in the seventh season of Qipa Shuo: Should parents tell their children that "the family is not rich"?

Huang Zhizhong holds a positive view. For example, one day when a child came back from school with injuries, you asked him with concern what was wrong, but he said, "Nothing, nothing, don't worry! This is nothing. " Then duang quietly shut himself in his room.

As a parent at this moment, do you really feel "well, nothing"?

Or will it be more uneasy? More anxious?

The opposite is true.

Parent-child relationship psychologist nonsense, in fact, when parents hide the situation at home from their children, they are actually entering a script called "I love you, I silently contribute for you". In this play, he touched himself and felt that he was particularly remarkable. I have done a lot for my children, but this behavior is not love or even protection. This behavior is actually an attack.

Why are parents afraid to tell their children that their families are not rich?

Because I'm afraid the children can't accept it? Afraid of children's inferiority? Or parents themselves can't accept the reality? Will parents feel inferior if they have no money?

In any case, the family economic situation is an objective fact. Can't parents really feel it if they don't say it? Is it too underestimating the IQ of children?

If not being rich is an objective fact, shouldn't children be educated to face reality?

Fu Hancheng said:

Since we are a family, we should be honest and trust each other. Therefore, we should also give children the feeling of being accepted and needed as a family member.

Xi Rui said that when parents complain that "the family is not rich", children will think that they are the reason for their parents' poverty, and they will interpret this complaint as "an unpaid debt and endless gratitude". It inadvertently makes children feel indebted to their families, and a indebted child is either more and more resistant to the family and more and more evasive; Either he will try to prove himself, or he may succeed, but he is trying his best to repay you, so that in the long run, there will be no intimacy in the family, only the pressure of calculation. Children can't really understand that "home is pure love".

To be honest, this passage touched my heart.

I finally understand that my sense of debt and lack is not because my parents frankly told me that my family was poor, but because there was something wrong with the scene and way they told me.

"When you tell your children that your family is not rich, nine times out of ten, it is not pure education, but your own venting of negative energy in life."

My parents tried to spur me to work hard by being poor, but more often, when they were dissatisfied with the present situation of life but unable to change and felt depressed, words such as "our family is poor" and "we are working so hard for you" blurted out.

As the Japanese educational psychologist Terzo Kato wrote in Emotional Violence:

Under the pressure of parents' self-sacrifice, children either trudge forward or put down their burdens based on the instinct of seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages. The love of parents has thus become the fetters of children's growth.

Then, why don't parents communicate with their children when they are emotionally stable? When children can't bear it and their emotions are out of control, why use words with a sense of sacrifice to imprison children?

Tell the child calmly and frankly, "Our family is not rich now, but it will not always be like this. Everyone works hard together, I work hard, you study hard, and everything will be fine. " Isn't that great?

Parents have no sense of sacrifice, and children will not feel guilty.

Of course I want to tell you!

Tell your child that the economic situation at home is not bad, and by the way, use your own experience of getting rich to educate your child: the significance of hard work, choice, sureness and trustworthiness.

Tell your child that your family has money, but it doesn't mean you have money. Parents create a better material life for their families and a better learning environment for their children through their own hands. When you grow up, you also need to fight for yourself and your family.

The wealth created by your parents is the cornerstone of your growth, but it is not the harbor where you park your slack.

I often recall with my children: "Your father and I are both rural and have no friends in this city, but through our own efforts, we can finally give ourselves and our families a stable life." I believe your future will be the same, so what you have to do now is to study hard and lay a good foundation. "

There is no heating in southern cities, and the cold in winter brings its own magic offensive, so I installed air conditioning for my parents.

Years ago, the national cold wave came, and my parents said, "It's really cold! Trembling with cold, "I asked. Then why not turn on the heating?

My mother said, "What a waste of electricity! Can't afford it! Can't afford it! "

In fact, they can't afford it now, but they just can't bear it! Reluctant to waste electricity, air conditioning has become a decoration. There is no shortage of material things, but I still can't enjoy a better life.

As Fu Hancheng said:

If the child asks, "Is our family rich?" What would you say?