For nine-year-old children, psychological development has entered a new stage, but for children of this age, the phenomenon of differentiation has become very obvious. Parents who understand and attach importance to family education can generally establish a good parent-child relationship with their children and live in harmony. On the contrary, although children have entered the end of the second period of resistance (7-9 years old), the phenomenon of resistance is becoming more and more prominent. At the same time, we should also see that parents with poor parent-child relationship and problematic family education concept will profoundly affect their children's habits, qualities, interests and attitudes in learning, self-control, right and wrong, interpersonal relationships and many other aspects.
Characteristics of emotional development of children aged 1-9
Because most of the nine-year-old children have entered the third grade, they have basically broken through the difficult period of the first grade and the difficult period of the second grade in their studies. Children no longer find it difficult to study, but their learning attitude and enthusiasm have improved obviously. Therefore, when the nine-year-old children are greatly liberated academically, their emotional development has also undergone gratifying changes. We can often see that children are more and more active in thinking and fluent in expression, and are willing to discuss many things with their parents and partners.
(a) There is a watershed in learning from teachers.
What is the essence of learning from teachers? In fact, it is the external performance of students obeying the teacher, while the internal performance is that what the teacher said is easier for students to listen and think. Parents are especially willing to listen to the teacher for their children, but they often don't understand what their parents say. In fact, this involves the group effect. When the teacher faces many students in the class, the teacher is like a general and the students are like soldiers. Under the unified command of the general, the soldiers acted in unison, and no one dared to disobey orders and engage in military law.
When it comes to watershed, many parents may feel the deepest. It turns out that children's problems were still prominent in the first and second grades, and gradually disappeared in the third grade. This shows that through the cooperation and efforts of parents and teachers, children have made obvious progress in cognition, understanding, self-control and sense of order (discipline). However, a considerable number of children's problems have not been improved, such as inattention in class, sabotage during recess, often taking students' things privately, unwilling to finish homework, frequent conflicts and conflicts with classmates and playmates, and their grades are getting worse and worse (a small number of children often fail). Parents often receive complaints from teachers, and parents refuse to go in anyway.
(2) The controllability of emotions is gradually enhanced.
Nine-year-old children's nervous system development has been greatly improved, especially the excitability and resistance of cerebral cortex are gradually balanced. From emotional impulse, no disguise and control, to better adjustment ability, most children can restrain their passion according to the requirements of school discipline; When you lose your temper, don't swear or fight; Don't talk casually in class as required; When I finish my homework, I can resist the desire to play; Some children also help their classmates patiently, although some students didn't like them in the past.
Parents must also realize that in the whole primary school stage, children's emotions are very volatile, and they are often emotional because of some trivial things. For example, if a child makes a mistake, if his parents deliberately ignore it, it won't be long before the child will take the initiative to apologize to his parents, hoping to forgive them. But often the pain is forgotten, and soon the old habit is broken again. Therefore, parents need to strengthen their self-cultivation and never nag their children all day and force them to do things they don't want to do. Otherwise, once their rebellious psychology is aroused, the parent-child relationship will often become worse.
(3) Motherly love is profoundly affecting children's emotional development.
Although I have repeatedly stressed that fathers' education should occupy the main position after children go to primary school, the reality is that many fathers do not attach importance to family education and can only be taken care of by their mothers. In the face of this grim reality, how to express maternal love is very important. Through long-term observation and summary, I found that in quite a few families, mothers do not express their love for their children. Although the children are nine years old, they are as meticulous and considerate as children. This kind of excessive attention, arranged instead, can easily make children develop lazy bad habits. At the same time, it will also have an additional impact-if the child does not listen to criticism, as long as the mother is strict, serious and unreasonable in emotional expression, the child's negative emotions will be easily intensified. Over time, some children will mistakenly think that their mothers don't love themselves and don't like themselves, which is very unfavorable for establishing a stable and trusting parent-child relationship.
In many families, the mother's emotional self-control ability is very weak, and it can even be described as very poor. This self-control ability of mother's emotional management fully exposes a mother's quality and accomplishment. The stronger and more violent the mother is, the easier it is for the child to form personality characteristics such as loneliness, willfulness, distrust of others and lack of self-control. Therefore, if the mother is the first person responsible for education, we must strengthen family education and study, constantly improve ourselves, and let the emotional development of children be in a balanced and stable development.
Characteristics of willpower development of children aged 2-9
I often mention that parents should pay attention to the cultivation of children's good habits. Good habits can greatly promote the development of children's willpower. Habit is a general process of doing things and thinking regularly. As long as parents have good habits, plus persistence and patient cultivation, you will find that children's good habits are more and more lasting and stable, not intermittent. It is necessary to put forward the concept of will quality here, so that parents can further understand how to enrich and develop their children's will quality through habit cultivation.
(A) the concept of will quality
Will quality refers to how children behave consciously, independently and persistently in the process of doing specific things.
(B) the connotation of the quality of will
The quality of will generally includes consciousness, decisiveness, self-control and persistence.
1, the development of consciousness. Nine-year-olds generally have their own ideas, and once they are affirmed, they will put them into action. But the problem is coming again. Is the child's idea reasonable? If it is reasonable and easy to do, it is enough to encourage children to do it boldly, but if it is unreasonable, parents need to guide and educate them. For example, children can't resist the temptation of games and cartoons, and often give priority to how to realize their own motives. At this time, parents need to ask their children to follow the rules of computer use and the time agreement for watching cartoons. Of course, there is also flexibility here. If parents insist on dogma, once they provoke their children to resist, even if they are forced to finish their homework, they are not in the mood to do it.
Therefore, for the conscious cultivation of nine-year-old children, it is necessary for parents to carefully observe their children and find their behavioral motives in time. Through reasonable guidance and encouragement, coupled with the constraints of family rules, children can gradually develop a regular rhythm of life, and through continuous consolidation and strengthening, children will no longer be blind and stubborn. Parents should also know that the age of nine is the starting point of children's conscious development, and they must have enough patience to cultivate them. Don't think children are difficult to manage and educate. Your fear of difficulties often makes you lose your mind and give up persistence easily.
2. decisive development. Decisiveness is closely related to cognitive development, and it is a kind of psychological activity that distinguishes right from wrong instantly, judges quickly and has the will to do things. For example, when some children and playmates are playing, some playmates are destroying public property and affecting public order. If children lack this knowledge, they will follow blindly without thinking. After a few times, the child will get used to doing that. For example, when children communicate with their parents, they often perfunctory adults and adults ask what to eat. The child answered casually. Adults take their children to the mall and point to the clothes on the shelves and ask them what clothes they like. Children can answer anything. There are many similar situations, which are often related to parents' over-determination, and they will never let their children make their own decisions. When you really give their children the right to make decisions, they don't have to do it.
Therefore, in view of the decisive development of nine-year-old children, parents must pay full attention to the education and cultivation of children's sense of family responsibility and collective responsibility. We might as well talk to our children calmly about the big and small things at home, let them talk about their ideas and let them participate. When children have their own ideas, they can adopt them as long as they are reasonable. When children see that their opinions are adopted, they often have a sense of accomplishment, which is of positive significance to exercise their determination. However, many parents can't think of this. They always think their children are young. What does he know? If you have to think like this, children will never get the opportunity to exercise and their determination will not develop. At the same time, parents should be reminded that the decisive development of nine-year-old children has begun, and it will be obvious after ten years old. Don't let children lose the opportunity to exercise.
3. The development of self-control. Whether a nine-year-old child can consciously and flexibly dominate and control his own behavior depends entirely on the cultivation of his parents' good habits and qualities. For example, if a child completes a certain task, if the child's consciousness and decisiveness are carefully cultivated at ordinary times, the child will show that he has brains and use his own behavior to complete one thing. The most common are time self-management, study plan management and outdoor play management. Maybe many parents always feel that their children can't control themselves at all. If you always think like this, you are wrong. You let go irrationally and properly. Children cannot always be relatively free under your control. How to cultivate self-control?
I often use self-control to describe the development of children's self-control When it comes to self-control, it must be through school education and family education. Self-control ability mainly refers to behavior self-control ability and emotion self-control ability. Unfortunately, many parents are very lacking in these two aspects. It is even more difficult to cultivate children's good self-control ability, because you have no ability to educate people and improve your own ability. It is difficult to convince your children through the power of example. If you are a responsible parent, you may wish to evaluate yourself rationally, make up for your own shortcomings, and let yourself really grow and grow up with your children.
4. Sustainable development. I often hear some parents talking about it when consulting questions. My children always run away from some difficulties and always rely on the help of adults to do it. And there are not a few parents who say this. In fact, parents really lack persistence or perseverance in doing things. Lack of perseverance is often closely related to lack of motivation to overcome difficulties, unclear thinking to solve problems, and lack of determination. In the process of cultivating children's good qualities and habits, it is most important for parents to insist on doing well. If you give up easily, just find an excuse to say that I'm going on a business trip today and have a dinner tomorrow night. I want to have a rest when I am tired the day after tomorrow, so I have to make sure that when you shirk your educational responsibility, the children will have an opportunity. It's not hard to understand. Children themselves lack perseverance, and you can't keep training. Children will learn from you, learn to give up unconsciously, and learn to escape difficulties easily.
The sustainable development of nine-year-old children is the end of the initial development. If parents don't pay attention to cultivating children's persistence in doing things at this time, it will be difficult to start in the future. So you need a sense of crisis, and you should always know that it is not easy to cultivate children's good quality. Sometimes it may take years or even longer for children to truly love everything and not give up until they reach their goals.
Characteristics of self-development of children aged three or nine
Theoretically speaking, nine-year-old children's self-development should develop to a relatively high stage, which has a good performance in cognition, behavior, evaluation of others and attitude towards school. This second anti-Japanese war period is basically coming to an end, which is closely related. If it was before, my children fully considered my self-needs and satisfaction, and if they were not satisfied, they would be emotionally hooligans. After two years of growth and education in all aspects, by the age of nine, the average child's self-awareness has been clearly differentiated. On the premise that abstract thinking develops well, some children can often accept his opinions and suggestions reasonably and feel the same. However, because some children can't get good education and training, abstract thinking, empathy, good habits and good qualities can't be consistently cultivated, which often leads to cognitive obstacles and hinders children from knowing themselves normally, that is, as long as I am personally satisfied, everything is fine. I don't care what others think of me.
(A) parents should pay full attention to their children's self-awareness.
Many children are often criticized by teachers and parents, and gradually become what we often call "two-faced people". In fact, this is a great harm to their self-esteem. When children feel that no one appreciates themselves, affirms themselves and encourages themselves, they will gradually become indifferent to everything. In order to avoid this phenomenon, parents are advised to guide their children with specific trivial matters, such as clearly returning to the source of the incident, letting the children make cognitive judgments, and then telling the children the rules that conform to the basic order and moral constraints, so that the children know that this is wrong and right; It is immoral to do so. Everyone agrees and appreciates it. When children know how to be a good child, they gradually have a clear understanding of themselves.
(2) Encourage children to persist in being themselves.
As mentioned above, parents help children to establish a correct self, then the next step is to encourage children to dare to stick to themselves in life, such as telling the truth. Nowadays, too many adults are afraid to tell the truth, because they have considered the face of others, the level of interpersonal relationships and their own interests. The result is that adults are hypocritical and lack the necessary sincerity. The ancients often said: "fish begins to stink at the head" is equally applicable in modern family education. If you want your child to have excellent qualities and accomplishments that parents don't have, it may be a bit difficult, because children themselves need to imitate and observe the behavior of adults. It is impossible for a child to tell the truth without looking or touching. In other aspects, parents are requested to expand their thinking and not to describe them too much.
(3) Accept children's shortcomings and deficiencies.
Many parents are completely idealistic about their children's growth education. This idealized way of thinking often makes parents willing to accept their children's shortcomings and deficiencies, and sometimes even hate some of their children's mistakes and deficiencies. Imagine, if you can't subconsciously accept everything about your child, how can you help your child correct his mistakes, shortcomings and make up for the shortcomings with an indifferent attitude? Speaking of which, I think of a sentence I often say to my parents. You fantasize about a happy ending all day. Did you pay for this process? Just like plowing, standing in the field all day looking at crops, can you have a good harvest in autumn without intensive cultivation? Therefore, parents should never expect too much from their children. For nine-year-old children, they are very sensitive to criticism from their parents and teachers. Too much criticism and accusation will make children more and more unwilling to accept it, even the more extreme they won't let me do it, the more I do it, and the more I resist it-adolescence. In that case, the result will be very bad. How far a child can go healthily and smoothly can be calculated by moving his fingers. This is not the first day, the second day, or the third day. Children will completely lose interest in school and family, and finally go to society.