In fact, when I first set foot on the road of learning life education, I was often troubled by this problem. When the child's behavior is not what I want and annoys me, I will lose my temper regardless, and then blame myself afterwards, and repeat it.
Psychologically, we call this kind of education "instinctive education", not "love education". Instinctive education is based on parents' own instinctive needs and subconsciously meets their own needs of raising children.
Then why is this happening? This should also start with the physiological structure of our human body.
We humans have three brains. What do you mean by three brains? We have three brains, which developed in the course of hundreds of years of evolution. The first one is called survival brain. Survival brain is owned by all animals, especially reptiles and primitive animals. In primitive times, we had survival brains. What does the survival brain promise us? Ensure that we will fight and run when we are in danger, and of course we will pretend to be dead, because pretending to be dead can also avoid danger. Fighting, running away and playing dead are three basic survival functions. Then, when we evolved to this stage of mammals, we developed the limbic system. What is a limbic system? That is, we have developed a layer of brain above the brain stem, so we are different from reptiles. Mammalian brains are thick, and this limbic system controls our emotions, so we have rich emotions. What about animals, cats and dogs? Panda, anyway, mammals have all kinds of feelings, and it controls our emotions. Then let's feel if this epidermis has cortex. Our brain has many cortex, and there are many grooves in the cortex. It's big when it's unfolded, and it's compressed here. The biggest difference between humans and animals is that the brain structure is that we have a very developed cerebral cortex, which is rational. So, the point is that we have three brains: instinctive brain, emotional brain and rational brain, right? When our children make us angry, which brain will we start with first? Ladies and gentlemen, you may have learned the 108 trick of parenting education. Why can't we use this 108 trick? You will hit the child in an instant, leaving only an instinctive reaction. It is because the powerful instinct that we have evolved over millions of years will make us fight, run away or pretend to be dead when we are in danger, so usually children suddenly make us angry. Our instinctive reaction is to hit us first, and secondly, I can't afford to fight. Can't I afford it? I will hide and leave me alone. Third, many men will have this reaction, pretending to be dead there, insensitive? That's it. That's an instinctive reaction. All the knowledge, methods and theories we have learned are stored in our cerebral cortex. How much slower is the startup speed of the cerebral cortex than the first two brains? Slowing down for more than 6 seconds means that you have mastered more methods, knowledge and theories. When a child annoys you, when you are emotional, you have to wait at least six seconds to come up with that solution, because these six seconds are controlled by emotions and instincts, so instinct education means that we are inspired by our animal instinct that has evolved for millions of years at that moment, which stimulates our survival brain and emotional brain, and then we are so unfortunate that the methods we have learned are stored in the cerebral cortex and cannot be adjusted.
So this is a very important question, how to change from "instinct education" to "love education". First of all, we should constantly learn to know ourselves and control our emotions. You should go deep into your emotions and relieve them at the subconscious level.
Usually it takes only 6- 10 seconds for your rational brain to start working. At this time, we can really tell our children that mothers need to be alone and deal with their emotions. After you release your emotions, you can face your children and accompany them. I believe you will get along better.