Ms. Shi has been in China for 28 years. These twenty-eight years seem to be drifting, vague, heavy and clear. Her hometown-New England-is nothing more than a pile of mechanical folds, tunnels, skyscrapers, pigeon coops, and women wiping their noses in front of the mirror in the tram, which makes her feel even more disgusted with every contact. Returning to China after a six-year holiday is a kind of pain and sorrow for her. The old ones die again and again, but there are more and more new elements in the family of relatives and friends. The new children, newly married nephews and nieces, and their partners are all so arrogant and speak so recklessly. What makes Ms. Shi most embarrassed is that these young people have no respect or sympathy for their elders who have served overseas for six years and returned to China once. They just perfunctory, just ignore, even ridicule, disgust. At this time, Ms. Shi only has the hometown of sunrise in her heart, where there is an ancient city, a remote alley in the ancient city and a small house in the alley. Outside the door is an ancient and magnificent city wall. There are several big willows at the door, and there is a small yard, several lilacs and a rose in the door. Behind the rose stand is the porch, and behind the porch are several small rooms with wall stoves, bookshelves, antiques, calligraphy and painting ... which makes everything lively and sweet, full of the breath of "home", and it is in this house that you are with yourself.

When she first arrived in China, Ms. Shi was only twenty-five years old, and the season was late summer and early autumn. The weather in early autumn in northern China is sunny and full of electricity, which makes people feel happy, giddy and excited. At this time, the goddess teacher often wears a rose-colored dress, light yellow hair, a reddish oval face, and often hangs an angel-like sad smile. Her job is to teach piano music in a missionary girls' school and she lives in a small building in the east corner of the campus. The small building is full of western female teachers. Teacher Shi is the youngest, the gentlest and the most beautiful one, which has aroused the love of all students. The feelings of middle school students are always shy, hidden and deep. Girls, in particular, never dare or refuse to show their admiration and affection for gentlemen. Ms. Shi lives downstairs, and often at night, when she is writing a letter from home or correcting an examination paper, she will vaguely see a figure dodging outside the window and peeking at her posture with her head down. Sometimes the ivy leaves on the wall rustle, thin white arms are crawling, and even she can hear a slight sigh. Ms. Shi just looked up slightly, smiled sadly, lifted her forehead hair with a pen tube, and bowed her head and got busy again.

Not only on campus, but also outside, there are many admirers of Ms. Shi. In the eyes of many students, Pastor Bi is undoubtedly Teacher Shi's future husband. He is so young, his trunk is straight and his mouth is always smiling. Every Sunday, when I come down from the pulpit, I must stand by the piano with the Bible in my arms, waiting for Ms. Shi to go out with me. On the steps of the small building, there is often the back of Pastor Bi sitting. Three years later, Pastor Bi officially returned to China for vacation. When he came back from overseas, he was already with a young and lively herdsman wife. The illusion of the students gradually disappeared, and Ms. Shi's rosy clothes and the back of Bi Mushi were no longer hidden in the red flowers and green leaves of the campus.

Time is like a camel, dragging slowly with heavy steps. Ms. Shi's light yellow hair gradually turned gray. In the small building, several young and lively female teachers came one after another, and they became the objects of students' worship and admiration. Ms. Shi has moved to a small alley outside the school, where she keeps a puppy, grows some flowers and visits Long Fu Temple and Changdian from time to time. Sitting under the flowers in spring and guarding the wall furnace in winter, I feel like a pool of stagnant water, quiet, narrow and desperate, as if this life is over.

Shu Zhen, like a willow flower, floated into her emotional garden in the summer of one year. His father, Mr. Wang, was a scholar in the former Qing Dynasty. He once held a calligraphy position in a yamen. In the past 30 years, due to the introduction of friends, Mr. Wang has taught foreigners Mandarin as a profession, and the second student is Ms. Shi. Ms. Shi thinks that Mr. Wang is more elegant and noble than other mandarin gentlemen. Apart from teaching, Mr. Wang seldom talks about irrelevant entertainment. When he received the repaired envelope, he always looked shy, stiff and extremely helpless. At the time of the year, my husband sometimes gives her a fan bag embroidered by Mrs. Wang, with poems embroidered by Mrs. Wang. After talking, Ms. Shi realized that Mrs. Wang is also a noble family, and they only have one daughter.

One winter fifteen years ago, Mr. Wang took ten days off. When he came back ten days later, Mr. Wang's expression was extremely bleak and his face seemed to be much older. Speaking of the origin of the leave note, it was ten days later that Mrs. Wang died of lung disease and was buried. Her three-year-old daughter, Shu Zhen, was temporarily placed in foster care with her grandmother.

Since then, Mr. Wang seems to be more silent and depressed, ghostly, and even his voice is as light as the autumn wind blowing through dead leaves. Ms. Shi felt very worried and pitied him. She often tries to arouse Mr. Wang's interest from the conversation, but Mr. Wang is still depressed and can only respond with a polite smile. One summer ten years ago, Mr. Wang also

Died of sudden heatstroke.

After hearing the news of Mr. Wang's sudden death from the neighbor's house, Ms. Shi immediately followed the bearer to the Wang's house. This is the first time she has entered the Wang family. There is a big goldfish bowl in the middle of the yard, and several small goldfish swim around in the cracks of the water plants. There are several pots of oleander around the fish tank. There are several bamboos under the wall, and there are some wild jasmine bushes under the bamboo. When I entered the north room, I pushed open the bamboo curtain and it was quiet. It seemed to be a bookstore. The wall shelf was full of books, and a few calligraphy and painting were hung sparsely. On the west gate, a curtain was hung. Ms. Shi followed the people in gently. At first glance, she saw Mr. Wang's body lying on the kang, covered with a quilt and a blank sheet of paper on his face. On the edge of the kang, a white-haired old lady stood up in a long white summer cloth with red eyes. After being introduced, Ms. Shi met Mrs. Huang, Mr. Wang's mother-in-law. Mrs. Huang pulled up a little aunt lying on the kang and said, "This is." This thin, pale, willow-like little daughter, when she first met, was lined with this miserable environment and state of mind, which aroused Ms. Shi's infinite love and pity.

Mr. Wang has nothing but books, calligraphy and painting, and all affairs are handled by Ms. Shi. After Mr. Wang was buried, Ms. Shi gave Mrs. Huang some money as living expenses and tuition, but Mrs. Huang refused to accept it, saying only that she would come back if she didn't. After two or three months, Ms. Shi was not at ease and asked several people. They all say that the Huang family has many children and is not taken good care of. So on Christmas Eve, Ms. Shi took her to her home.

The moonlight outside the window was lightly covered with snow. It's noon and the students who sing Christmas songs haven't come yet. A few red candles standing by the window have burned out, waiting for their tears to fall. By the faint light, Shu Zhen sat quietly beside Ms. Shi's chair. Her timid and pale face is not tired at all, and two big eyes like black beads are embedded in her thin face, which is even more mysterious and desolate. Ms. Shi's small hand, gently held, was neither shrinking nor hot, trying to lead her to talk, but she didn't know where to start. From that faint light, when everything was blurred, she felt that what she was holding was not a lively little girl, but a poem by Mr. Wang, an embroidered thread by Mrs. Wang, a virgin stone in the East, and an unspeakable mysterious silence in ancient China. ...

In the past ten years, Ms. Shi has been surrounded by a advection. She is so calm that she can't see the trace of flow, hear the sound of flow and smell the breath of flow. Shu Zhen's figure is still thin, and her face is still pale. She didn't cry, and she didn't party. She always smiles shyly, answers questions slightly and moves quietly. She is the best student in the school and the object of praise from teachers and friends, but she doesn't have a bosom friend and doesn't like what little girls like.

"This is a crystallization of Mr. Wang's lofty and quiet!" Ms. Shi often thinks that such a character can't be found in a noisy western daughter. She is quiet, not indifferent, serene, not lonely, not indifferent. Whenever Ms. Shi is a little sick, the lingering in front of the bed is sweet, silent and meticulous. Every time I open my eyes, I see a warm smiling face beside the bed, lifting it from the book. "This angelic comfort!" Ms. Shi always wanted to show warm love, but looking at her pale and shy face, she was ashamed and took back her warm words.

The year after Shu Zhen arrived, Mrs. Huang died. Ms. Shi took her to see it and sent it to the funeral. Since then, Shu Zhen has never left home except to go to school and church. When she was in Tomb-Sweeping Day, Ms. Shi took her to visit the grave of Mr. and Mrs. Wang and put flowers on it. Both of them shed tears. On the way home, Ms. Shi held hands tightly and felt that the other person was the most deformed person in the world. A warm and tender maternal love unconsciously welled up in Shu Zhen's mind. Since then, she hasn't traveled much, her friends have faded, and she is not enthusiastic about collecting antiques. Only this willow flower goes hand in hand, and Ms. Shi feels incomparable comfort and satisfaction. Sometimes I think, what if Shu Zhen gets married? ..... This is a girl's lifelong event, imagining that Shu Zhen is holding a lovely baby with jade snow in her hand, and she is not the most beautiful, cleanest and sweetest picture; Somehow, this illusion has a strange sense of terror! ..... "What if Shu Zhen gets married?" A sense of loneliness came from all directions, and Ms. Shi caressed the white hair on her forehead and shivered. She quickly dispelled the ominous idea with a sad and far-fetched smile.

Everyone praised Ms. Shi's upbringing. After ten years of tempering in Ms. Shi's hands, she didn't get any western flavor. It goes without saying that foreign clothes have not been worn. Except in front of friends who don't understand Chinese, Ms. Shi has never spoken a word of English with her. Occasionally, several middle school boys come home to attend tea parties. Shu Zhen just sat beside Ms. Shi shyly and silently, did not join their games and jokes, and occasionally handed candy, and only frowned and whispered. This kind of happy gathering of young people is only restrained and uneasy for Shu Zhen. This has aroused the pity of the goddess, and it is not easy to force her to deal with men. Occasionally, an old lady in China mentioned that she wanted to have a husband's family, or a boy directly expressed his love for Ms. Shi. Ms. Shi always smiled proudly and said goodbye diplomatically.

After graduating from high school at the age of eighteen, this year is another legal holiday for Ms. Shi to return to China. Once upon a time, she sent Shu Zhen to a friend's house and went back alone. This time, Ms. Shi decided to take it back, first, to show the world, and second, to reduce her loneliness. Shu Zhen said, unexpectedly, Shu Zhen's pale face glowed red and said, "Mom! As long as I follow you, I am willing to go anywhere! " Ms. Shi fondled her arm affectionately and said, "Thank you! I think you must want to see the place where I was born and raised. If you really like America, maybe I will send you to an American university. ……"

In a small town in New England, Ms. Shi and I lived together again. Around this old house, there is a large area of green grass and many old oak trees. It was late summer and early winter. Oak leaves are red and bright, and trees smell a little damp. This house is the old house of Ms. Shi's father and the old priest Shi. It has a wide wooden bed, high-backed chairs, thick carpets, high bookshelves and full books. It seems that there is still the smell of pipe in the bookstore. There seems to be an echo in the tunnel, and gold-framed pictures of Bible stories are hung on the walls on both sides. There are dark curtains hanging on the windows, and when the room is not yellow or dark, there are dim shadows all around. Ms. Shi looked around with her; The red velvet soft chair in front of the stove on the wall of the bookstore is the place where the old monk reads books and looks up scriptures every night; A small walnut desk in the corner of the living room is where Mrs. Shi writes letters and keeps accounts every day; A small room upstairs in the east is Ms. Shi's bedroom, and some photos of Ms. Shi's childhood are hung on the wall; The cabin on the top floor of the third floor is Ms. Shi's brother Jacob's childhood bedroom. The old house was originally used by the Jacobs. This spring, Mr. Jacob also passed away. Mrs Jacob and her son moved to a newly-built small house nearby. This old house should have been sold. Ms. Shi wrote back and asked her to keep it, saying that she would take it with her to relive the old dreams in the old country, and in another year.

There are not many visitors in this old house. Besides going to church with Ms. Shi, I just read books, play the piano and do some work at home and don't go out often. Sometimes, when Ms. Shi goes out to give a speech about China at a church meeting, she always walks with her. After the speech, someone always came forward to shake hands with Ms. Shi and asked various questions to the Chinese side. Shu Zhen only gave a shy and vague promise. Her quiet attitude has attracted many people's love. Therefore, some old ladies sometimes come to talk to Shu Zhen and give her some daily chores.

Every Sunday dinner, Mrs Jacob and her son Peter always come to the old house for a party. Mrs Jacob is a thin woman, tall and wrinkled, but covered with thick powder. When you talk, you don't finish, which often makes Ms. Shi feel very tired. Peter is a red-haired boy, twenty-two years old. In Shu Zhen's view, he is still naive. There is no moment of silence when you come in. When we first met, we called Shu Zhen by her first name and said, "You are my aunt's China daughter. We want to be good friends! " She giggled when she said this. Seeing Shu Zhen's embarrassment, Ms. Shi smiled and said, "Peter, be quiet, don't scare my little daughter!" At the same time, he said to Shu Zhen, "This is a sign of our close relationship in the United States. We never call our close friends "sir" or "miss". You can call him Peter. " Shu Zhen blushed and smiled.

Shu Zhen's silence bored Peter. Every Sunday after dinner, she always leaves first, and then Ms. Shi and Mrs. Jacob talk intermittently about the old saying that there is one building but no one. Shu Zhen is tired of listening. Sometimes she stands up and leans out of the window. Pedestrians with blue eyes and yellow hair walk under street lamps. The evening breeze brings wandering words in a foreign land, which makes her feel confused and sad. ...

One night, when Mrs Jacob left, she suddenly smiled and said to Shu Zhen, "You will have a chance to speak Chinese next week. I found Father Li and his son Tian in the seminary here, where I studied theology. I have arranged for them to have dinner together next night. I hope this will make you happy. " Shu Zhen looked up at Ms. Shi, and Ms. Shi said, "I have seen them several times in the library of the seminary. Pastor Li is really a kind old man, and Tianxi is extremely quiet and steady. I think we should always entertain them, lest they feel lonely in a foreign country. " Shu Zhen agreed.

This week's evening, Ms. Shi and her wife prepared a table of rice, set a spoon and lit a red candle. Ms. Shi changed into China's clothes, put on a jade bracelet and called the doorbell, so that Pastor Li and his son could recognize the local accent at the first sentence when they came in. Shu Zhen smiled and agreed, and she felt very happy.

The doorbell rang, and Shu Zhen seemed to have a heartbeat. When she stood up and went out, Peter rushed in, followed by Mrs. Jacob, a thin, pale, middle-aged man with black hair. Petra looked at Shu Zhen and said, "This is Pastor Li. Please meet him! " Another young man took teacher Li Mu and said, "This is Mr. Wang, and this is ours." Pastor Li smiled and shook hands, and even said, "folks, folks, what a coincidence that we met here!" " "Tianxi only silently bowed, and Ms. Shi came out. Then everyone went into the guest room.

The banquet was very lively. Pastor Li and Ms. Shi cordially talked about the situation of missionary work at home and abroad, and Mrs. Ya also enthusiastically participated in the discussion. The ribs on Peter's chopsticks always roll all over the table, and he can't control his mouth. They kept laughing and shouting. Shu Zhen smiled and gave him guidance. Tin is eating silently, and only answers one or two sentences when others ask questions, but his voice is clear and his attitude is warm and serene. Mrs Jacob smiled and said to Mr Li Mu, "I really admire the education of China people. Look at Tian He. They are so quiet and generous. Unlike our children, they can't sit still. Look at Peter! " Peter held a fried meat ball in his hand and sent it to his mouth trembling. He looked up and saw that the chopsticks were loose and the meatballs slipped away again. Peter smiled, and everyone laughed along for a while.

After dinner, Hotan sat around drinking coffee, still sitting there quietly, listening to the conversation of three middle-aged people. Peter sat for a while, then yawned, stood up and said, "Mom, if you go on talking, I have to go." I have a class tomorrow! " Mrs. Jacob smiled and replied, "You are in a hurry again." After listening to a play or a movie, you won't be sleepy. You may not sleep if you go back now! ""He stood up as he spoke. Tianxi leaned down, put his hands on the chair, looked at Li Mu and said, "Dad, shouldn't we go, too?" Ms. Shi quickly said, "I'm not busy, it's still early." Your father must read the books on religion collected by my father. " Peter smiled, took his hat and said, "Don't let me interrupt your conversation. Sit down again. " He stepped forward to hold Mrs. Jacob, shook hands with everyone and said not to go out.

Ms. Shi sent their mother and son away, turned back, stopped at the door of the guest room, nodded and smiled and said to Mr. Li Mu, "Come with me to the study. Almost all my father's books are over there. -Shu Zhen, you also entertain the heavenly seal. Now they are all abroad. Don't try to keep the old rules of China. Everyone is silent! " Pastor Li came out with a smile, and Shu Zhen and Tianxi leaned over.

Two people turned and sat down. Because of Tian Xi's silence and formality, Shu Zhen is not shy. While asking Tianxi when she came to America and where she lived, she looked at this exotic teenager in dim light: black hair, neat back without refueling, broad forehead, straight nose, beautiful eyes, small mouth, upturned lips and a little girl's charm. A suit of blue clothes, black tie, black shoes and a pale yellow radiant face suddenly filled the center of this room with oriental flavor.

Tianxi asked with a smile, "Miss Wang has been here for a long time. Does she often go out to play? " Shu Zhen sighed slightly, looked down and said, "No, I don't often go out, except to the chapel. I don't know why, the people here don't seem to be the same as those Americans in China. I feel embarrassed when I see them ... "Shu Zhen said that she was surprised at how she said so many words to this strange teenager.

Tian Xi was silent for a while and said, "This may be because China people and foreigners have different personalities. I think so too. As for me, sometimes I'm not even happy to go to church! " "Shu Zhen looked up and asked," I don't think it is necessary to speak in the chapel. Why do you ... "she thought," This priest's son ... "

Tin suddenly stood up and wandered in the light. After a while, she came and stood beside Shu Zhen's chair, standing too close, and Shu Zhen suddenly felt a little timid. Tianxi put his hands in his pockets and stared at Shu Zhen with glowing eyes. He said, "Miss Wang, don't blame me for being shallow. I knew within five minutes that you were just like me ... everything was the same. I always feel lonely here, but I haven't even said this to my father. " Shu Zhen looked up at it.

Tianxi went on to say, "My grandfather was a scholar and was poor in his later years. He makes a living by teaching reading. Later, he taught some foreigners to help them compile Chinese dictionaries. My father was baptized into church theology because he knew his grandfather's foreign friends. I am also a product of teaching 15 1, but I have read a lot of old books with my grandfather since I was a child, and I like learning about art very much. Last year, the church sent my father here to study theology and gave me a considerable allowance to attend theological lectures. I want to take some art classes myself. Because of the limitation of conditions, I can only make friends and read books after class. They want me to be a priest, but I don't like the life of wearing a cassock to the pulpit! In fact, it is not the bright road to show perfect love, the magic of nature, the guidance of art, but ... people don't think so! "

"Go to church to make some small speeches. Afterwards, as usual, people gathered around to ask me questions about this 4,000-year-old country during my 20 years of experience, which always made me angry and scared. What makes me feel even worse is that some people always think that China had no culture before Christianity was introduced. They called me a theological' model China youth', and I was flattered. Some educators who come back from China often call me to the stage after speeches, introduce me to the congregation, publicize learning everywhere and raise funds, as if to say,' Look!' Isn't it like an artist who plays a monkey and introduces the monkeys he has practiced to the audience? I dare say that if I had the slightest redeeming place, I would never be trained by such a person! "

Shu Zhen's cowering completely disappeared. She only felt a tall and faint shadow standing in front of the chair. It was so big that it enveloped her soul and she couldn't breathe. Looking at the red-hot cheeks, the angry tin was so excited that clear tears suddenly flowed in her eyes. Is this tear sympathy? Is it pity? Are you homesick? I can't tell myself. In order not to let the tears fall, Shu Zhen managed to raise his head with a smile.

Tianxi breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Really, sometimes there are meetings in the church to see people who preach in China off. The walker stood up and gave a speech, and the giver also showed great admiration and pity. It seems that these walkers have been exiled to the wild land! It's a sacrifice to preach abroad, I admit, but foreigners in China are much more comfortable than China people abroad, at least materially, don't you think? "

Shu Zhen nodded, smiled slightly, adjusted her clothes, stood up and whispered, "Yes, but in my opinion, people's intentions are always not bad. Sometimes, we feel like a weak country in a foreign land. We are discouraged first, afraid of the goodwill of others, and sometimes we have an improper antipathy. If we can calmly accept these stimuli and bring them to our ancient country, we may be encouraged to do something to make young people in the future become mentally sound people because of their glorious motherland in international exchanges. ...

Tianxi sat down, took out a handkerchief from his chest pocket and wiped the sweat from his forehead. The red tide on his face gradually subsided, and his eyes were calm and gentle again. He pulled his chair forward, leaned over and said faintly, "I'm sorry, Miss Wang, but I didn't expect to say these excited and childish words the first time I saw you! In a word, I am lonely and I miss my grandfather's hometown. Seeing you tonight, I seem to feel that there is a statue of China in front of me, which is actively supporting it. I only pour out my boredom in the incarnation of China, which may inadvertently disturb your mood. I hope you can forgive me. " The young man blushed again here, so he stopped talking.

Shu Zhen blushed. She lowered her head and rubbed the pattern on the chair and said, "Even I said too much tonight. Really, since my father died, I always feel that no one can understand me in silence ... Tonight ... Maybe a foreign country recognized the local accent ... I ... "Shu Zhen said more and more, and she stopped gently. There was a long silence in the room.

Tian's face became calmer when he looked up. The excitement just now left no trace. She smiled and said, "I think we should use this time abroad to travel and study." I have always admired the liveliness and courage of westerners, who will enjoy themselves and have fun. They have a healthy life in the group. I seldom see American youth feel as melancholy and sentimental as we do. I also know many young people from different countries, including ladies, in art schools and seminaries. We all hit it off. Every Saturday afternoon, they often get together to study and discuss, or go hiking. I join sometimes, which is very interesting. Miss Wang, you should also join their group and come to 153 to enliven your secret. Father often goes with us, and I think Ms. Shi will definitely agree. "

Shu Zhen's eyes were full of gratitude and joy, and she quickly said, "Thank you for your invitation. I will enter the university next year, and I want to have more contact with the young people here before I leave home, so as not to feel uncomfortable suddenly joining their group. "

Tianxi asked, "Which university do you want to enter?" Shu Zhen said, "It's still uncertain. Ms. Shi may or may not return to China next year. I haven't heard her mention it these days, and I haven't asked. If she goes back, I think I will follow, of course, but ... Now ... I still want to go to the university here ... "

The door opened, and Ms. Shi came in first, followed by Pastor Li, with some thick books in her arms. The goddess smiled and said to Tianxi, "We looked up books and talked, but we lost track of time. You didn't wait, did you? " Tian Xi stood up and said with a smile, "We talked about going to school, so excited that we almost forgot the time." Pastor Li picked up his hat and said, "Now we really should go! Thank you for dinner and your book, Ms. Shi. I hope we can meet often in the future. " The barren woman also smiled and shook hands with their father and son, saying, "Just come here often in the future. Shu Zhen is tired of it. It would be nice to have a fellow villager to talk to! " Shu Zhen stood by, blushing and smiling. Tianxi took some books from his father, followed him, bowed and went out together. Ms. Shi and both of them were sent to the door.

Ms. Shi and Ms. Shi are arranging tea sets in the living room. Ms. Shi yawned slightly and said, "Don't you think Master Li Mu is a lovely person? Tianxi is really a gentleman in China. He is not frivolous at all. Did you talk well with him? " Shu Zhen picked up the tea tray and looked up at Ms. Shi. After a little hesitation, she blushed again. She just gave a gentle promise and went out with her head down.

I want to go back to China!