1, function
In family of origin, children are often punished by adults, often beaten and scolded, and often locked in one place. Punishment type, we also call it stick type and autocracy type. They often say that "a dutiful son is born under a stick" and "a young tree can't be built without beating it". At home, punishment is mainly used as a means to forcibly correct and restrain children's behavior habits in order to achieve parents' educational goals.
2. Impact on children
Parents who often beat and scold their children are often beaten and scolded by their parents in their own growth experience. He didn't know what else to do but beat and scold, and he couldn't control his emotions. There is an article called Children. Why did I hit you? Every time I hit a child, my mother is full of remorse. Why do I still have to raise my hand when all my methods have failed? Because I have no better way than fighting. What did the child learn in the process of being beaten?
First of all, children will think that when I can't handle it, I can call. How good is it? Playing shows that you have authority and can solve problems. Some children will bring this pattern of violence accepted at home to school and their peers-bullying their peers. This behavior can be explained by psychologist Bandura's research theory, that is, an important model of sociology of childhood's learning is imitation, and parents are the main role models of children's imitation behavior.
Second, children are often beaten, which will affect cognitive development. Because children are very frightened when they are subjected to violence, people's brains are damaged when they are beaten, especially when they are extremely scared. Some parents said that I only spanked and didn't start work, but it really hurt the child's heart and brain.
Third, children who are often beaten are afraid of their parents, but they don't respect their parents from the heart. I just respect your authority. When children are in a weak position and can't compete with adults, they have no choice but to accept this violent parenting. But: acceptance is not equal to acceptance! Where there is oppression, there is resistance! Parents' punishment brings resentment to children, which is unfair. You hit me, I will retaliate, I will retaliate, and I will resist. You can't force me! After the child enters adolescence, his body and mind develop rapidly. When he has physical resistance, the strong rebellious psychology and the rapid improvement of physical quality lead to their violent and aggressive behavior. A survey of prison inmates shows that most criminals with bad crimes (such as murderers) grew up in an environment of violence and no love. And what is his relationship with his parents? Maybe he began to resist and retaliate, or he might be indifferent.
Fourth, growing up in such a family, children will choose to escape, or even lie to escape. In the process of being beaten, the child did not learn good experience, but avoided it. For example, when he was young, he always took money from his mother's piggy bank. Every time his mother finds out, he hits him. Instead of learning not to steal money, he learned how to take it away without being found by his mother. They lie or make up stories to cover up their mistakes or get their parents' approval.
Fifth, parents should tell their children that you are wrong and you are not good. If children don't believe it, their bodies will suffer, and they will think that my parents are cruel and completely deny what their parents have done. But at the same time, I have to accept their support, so my heart will split and my feelings will be too complicated. Such children are rare. They think the world is not trustworthy, because neither parents can be trusted. Most children will choose me. I believe that even if I am beaten, I can be more tolerant and eliminate my mistakes. I believe that I am bad and wrong, and I will absorb all the accusations from my parents. I told myself that I was not good, I was wrong, and I deserved it. Such a child will feel that he is a bad person. It is easy for such people to belittle themselves when they grow up, and it is difficult to be sure of themselves.
Step 3 suggest
Punish children often, and the most important thing for parents is to adjust their self-control and cognition, which means that hitting children is not the solution to the problem. The second is how to control yourself. Parents often can't control themselves and can't find the reason. Listen to your husband or wife's feedback. For example, a mother who often can't help hitting her children can talk to her father and remind me. If it's dad, you can tell mom that you must stop me next time I hit the child. After hitting the child, you should communicate well with the child. The usual communication is that mom shouldn't have hit you just now, and I don't miss you either. We can have a deeper communication, what I thought at that time, why I was so upset, we should always control ourselves and use this method less. After the fight, I also told my children how I felt at that time. Of course, hitting children is not recommended. Can we find a better way to educate our children?
If you are a child who grew up being scolded by your parents, you will often say to yourself:
First, kindness. Always say to yourself, be kind to yourself. Even if I don't do well and do wrong, this man is still treating me well. When I grow up, when I do something wrong, I have a harsh voice inside. I want to tell myself that I want to be a kind father or mother. Only in this way will I be kind to children in the future, otherwise such people are the most difficult to be kind to. It has nothing to do with how well you do it or how right you do it.
Second, be your own good parents. Especially accepting yourself unconditionally. I'm good enough. When I was a child, I was beaten no matter what I did, but I still did it seriously. Is a very good person.