Teacher Zhang in the trusteeship class is studying psychology, so the analysis of children's daily behavior and words and deeds is well founded. Teacher Zhang specially added a Montessori math class these days. In the process of teaching, other children can also study hard and keep up with the teacher's rhythm. Yes, but you can't follow the teacher's rhythm from beginning to end. Teacher Zhang said that the concentration of the two brothers is only fifteen minutes, which is enough to show that there is a gap between young children. Especially for those who can't fully understand the teacher's teaching content, they have impatient emotions and actions. Under the teacher's dissuasion, I still resisted until I stopped studying. After class, Teacher Zhang criticized right, but he always felt aggrieved that he didn't want to admit his mistake. He just stopped crying and held back his tears. Teacher Zhang said that it would hurt her health to hold back her dissatisfaction. Teacher Zhang patted her and then she burst into tears in her arms. Teacher Zhang said that children with high self-esteem are most likely to cause physical harm, so it is suggested that children should pay attention to their performance in this respect at home. For children with strong self-esteem, it is necessary to combine hard and soft, and appropriately let them carry out some frustration education, and realize from the failure that things are not smooth sailing.
After listening to teacher Zhang's words, my mother felt that she had benefited a lot. In fact, my mother also knows that it is refreshing &; A correct temper means that if you make a mistake, you will never admit it loudly like other children, but only whine. In view of this situation, the mother will not force her younger brothers to admit their mistakes, but will only say that if she feels that she has done something wrong, she will stick her face on her mother. As soon as my mother said this, my brothers would immediately put their faces on my mother. From this perspective, my mother will think that the two brothers are stubborn and rarely associated with self-esteem. However, through communication with teacher Zhang, my mother will definitely pay attention to this education in the future.
The child's "respect" is too strong.
I have met many such children, whose characteristics are: self-centered, competitive, pursuing perfection and enjoying attention. What they really care about is not what he does, but what kind of attention and fame he may get through this matter. It's not that self-esteem is too strong, but that "he respects his heart" is too strong. One of the main reasons for this problem is that the only child has received comprehensive attention at home and can get a lot of unexpected attention without too much effort and effort. Over time, he developed a self-centered habit, gained a sense of superiority psychologically, and formed an experience of "only I am the most beautiful, capable and worthy of attention", otherwise there will be a sense of insecurity of being abandoned; Secondly, although praise is very important for children's growth, too much praise will shift children's attention to psychological satisfaction, which is an important reason for children's poor tolerance for setbacks.
The way to change this misunderstanding is:
(1) Guide children to know their own advantages, and also pay attention to the advantages of others, instead of judging heroes by success or failure. For example, when watching large-scale sports competitions, people who performed well but lost showed great appreciation and explained the reasons. This kind of subtle education often plays an educational effect of moistening things and being silent. In addition, adults usually don't comment on how he does things, at least less, and even if he does, he should pay more attention to the process than the result; (2) The correct way to praise children is to focus on things, not people. Praise for others will often increase children's vanity, and recognition of what they have done will often increase children's sense of accomplishment. Moreover, when he does well, he will recognize his practice. When he doesn't do well, leave room-even if he doesn't do well, it's because you don't do well, as long as you improve your practice; (3) Young children, especially boys, like to be competitive. Some games can be used to dilute children's awareness of winning or losing, guide children to treat success or failure correctly with a normal heart, and let children win or lose. Usually, you can combine reward measures and play some anti-rule games with your children. For example, playing poker with children, whoever loses will be rewarded with small red flowers or red five stars; Whoever agrees to lose in chess can make a condition: let the winner tell the loser a story (assuming that the child likes listening to stories, it depends on what the child likes to reward, so as to vote for him). In addition, at an appropriate time after the game, parents educate their children to objectively understand the test results and correctly treat success or failure.
Understand that children crying is a way to vent.
Many behaviors of children are actually natural manifestations of children's natural temperament. The younger you are, the less you are influenced by adults, and the more real your temperament is. Children are stronger, and parents are definitely stronger regardless of their children. Maybe some parents are not so obvious in life, but their inner strength has influenced the next generation with genetic code. Judging from the genetic law, this is a positive performance.
The advantage of this kind of child is that he is too strong and demands perfection in everything. So as to be more strict with yourself in study and life. It's easy to get good grades and have a good career development when you grow up. Disadvantages are: because they are too strong, they are vulnerable to setbacks and injuries. Such children need more attention from their parents. I remember a writer who said his hope for children: I would rather you were a beautiful fool than a smart ugly one. Stupid people don't know they are stupid, smart and ugly people know they are ugly. In life, we have to face many difficulties, and the troubles of children's growth are either one or the other. As parents, we should try our best to discover the inner temperament of children. Find out the education method that suits him.
Parents should not: (1) loudly reprimand and cry, so simple questions are still wrong; (2) Keep saying: Son, you did a good job. Just work hard. Literally, I think my parents are very democratic and reasonable. However, your sentence "I hope I can work harder next time" is to solve the worries of children and push the invisible pressure into the future; (3) Isn't it a trivial matter that children really make a scene? Men don't flick when they have tears If a man cries, just ignore him and finish crying. Parents choose to ignore their children in order to make them strong. In fact, this is the worst policy. Children's crying is a way to vent their emotions and a way to relieve and release mental stress. The younger the child, the more he will like to choose crying as an outlet, because his heart still doesn't understand it. At this time, he needs your understanding and attention. Your indifferent way of education will do him more harm than reprimand.
Children take crying as their outlet, which is the simplest and most direct expression in the process of growing up. It is difficult for children to control their emotions, and this behavior will improve with age. A colleague's daughter, when she was in the first grade, cried every time she failed to get full marks in the exam. The child's mother is a strong woman, but she gave up the traditional preaching in front of her daughter, but hugged her tightly and told her mother that she understood her troubles. When she finished crying and became emotionally stable, her mother accompanied her to look at the examination paper to find out the reasons for losing points. Now that the little girl is in the third grade, she is still strong, but she won't cry because she didn't do well in the exam.
Don't judge heroes by their achievements.
First, children are "timid" and "lack certain communication skills" in the eyes of adults, mainly because children have no small partners or adults have a small communication range. When children enter primary schools, they should be encouraged to participate in group activities in schools, and parents should not put such labels in front of their children. Don't tell others in front of people at ordinary times. I am a timid child who can't make friends. This hint is tantamount to strengthening the child's weakness. The more you talk about your child's advantages, the less you talk about his shortcomings. In addition, parents should realize that this is a stage problem in the process of children's growth, build up confidence, take their children to visit or invite other friends to play at home, and create a good social environment for their children.
Second, children's self-esteem is too strong. Children who perform well in all aspects are praised more. Living in an atmosphere appreciated by adults, they are used to being enveloped by the aura of attention and praise. In addition, in our society that attaches great importance to grades, some children who consciously study also value grades invisibly. In his subconscious, he has the idea that it is disgraceful not to get the first place in the exam, otherwise he won't really be liked by his parents. Once you get lost in intense study or other activities, it's like a catastrophe. If you feel that your "first" has been robbed by others, you will lose your mind in front of your classmates or parents, so you will feel depressed and even never recover. So, what should we do?
(1) First of all, it should be clear that this is a sign of children's high enthusiasm, and it is not a bad thing. As long as adults have a correct concept of educating people and don't judge heroes by their achievements, children will slowly walk out of the swamp. Furthermore, children should have good ideological quality. In order to adapt to future study or social life, they should be trained and honed by more setbacks. Finally, don't take this as a big deal and look down on it. I believe that children will realize the meaning and value of life through rich life experiences. (2) Usually don't ask your child's grades as soon as the exam is finished, which will expose parents' true thoughts on grades. You can learn from the teacher and guide according to the situation; Don't hug and kiss when you see a child crying. Paying too much attention to children will bring too much psychological burden to children. You can compliment him and say that he is self-motivated. When he cried, the child naturally knew that crying was not the way. On weekdays, tell some stories about how celebrities face failure, or you can bet with him with a smile. If you can face your grades correctly (you won't cry well in the next exam), you will get rewards from your parents (such as hugs, snacks, small gifts, etc.). ).
Don't let pity become a "gentle trap" for children.
When children are frustrated, the first thing they want is our comfort. The easiest thing for parents to say is: don't cry, son, 98 points is already good. I didn't do well in the exam this time. I will try to take the exam next time 100. Your mother and I both believe that you are the best! Although you are out of love for your children, such comfort actually implies that you are not satisfied with such a score (smart children can read between the lines). In fact, it doesn't help him much, because sympathetic comfort will only make the child solve it quickly, and he will overestimate himself with your comfort every time, which will not only help the child to cultivate his frustration ability, but also reduce his tolerance for failure and frustration, making him unable to be strong. Let the child's self-esteem over-expand. Every time he fails, the blow to him will be strengthened. In the long run, it will aggravate their understanding of their incompetence. When they encounter problems, they are even more afraid to face them directly and try to overcome them. Instead, they will try their best to find support, which will only make them sit still or pass on their disappointment to others.
Children's feelings and reactions are subtle, but over time they will form bad habits. We know that any setback experienced by children is a test of their willpower. What we should do is to encourage the child when he does badly in the exam, not to comfort and pity him.
So what should we do? First of all, don't exaggerate the child's achievements, stand in his perspective and consider whether he is successful within his ability. Usually, we should deliberately set some obstacles in the game, test his performance in the face of difficulties, and guide him in a targeted manner. When he succeeds, say to him, "this time, you did your best to do things well, which shows that you can do it." I think you must be very happy. It seems that as long as you work hard, it will have an effect, doesn't it? Just keep working hard next time! " When he was in trouble, we said, "Son, whether it will or not, mom and dad can already see that you tried your best. Come on, let's find a way together and see if we can solve the problem! "
Of course, after all, children are young and have poor self-control, and their performance will be repeated, but we should be a conscientious person, catch the subtle changes of children in time, and let their anti-frustration ability continue to enhance. Failure is just a process, a process leading to success and growth. In this process, parents should play a good role, and never let pity become a "gentle trap" for children, but should let encouragement and timely "cooling down" become the only way for children to grow up.
Distract attention from the score.
When I was young, I was strong, too. Every time I finish the exam, I will cry until I get a hundred points. Twice, I almost fainted. In fact, I got 97 points for my carelessness in math. Mom and dad are very distressed. At this time, I will become the focus of the whole family, but they never talk about things, but do this:
(1) Give me a nickname. Dad said that children should never laugh when they cry. I don't care so much, I still cry, dad said. When you cry, smile, and your big nose will come out and become a big nose bubble. Before he finished speaking, I would spit out "snot bubbles", and then I would cry and laugh and say that my father was annoyed. From then on, when my eyes turned red, my family would say "Yo, I'm going to be a snot girl again". I might stop crying. (2) Dad said that the child is coming! Every child needs friends. When I cry, my father will secretly ask my sister to call the children I play with. He sometimes pretends that he just met someone and wants to play with you soon! As soon as I listened, I didn't want others to see me cry, so I restrained myself. Now that I think about it, my father's practice is actually very simple, that is, distracting my attention to the score, trying to make me laugh and cultivating my optimistic personality. At the same time, I also told myself: "Think at the worst and do it at home."
Lack of correct self-concept
Children lack correct self-concept. They are usually very competitive, and they like to be competitive at home and at school. Most of these children are the core of the family. Since childhood, my parents will help him in many things, making him think that I am the greatest. Their vanity has been fully satisfied and they have been growing in prosperity. Faced with such a relatively fair competitive environment, they will not be able to adapt to the new rules of the game for a while. Without anyone to help them change the rules of the school competition, they can't find their original sense of superiority and can only cry. Secondly, the current education lacks a correct evaluation view. At present, the most commonly used way to evaluate students is exam results. Even if teachers don't publish scores or rankings, there is still competition among students. Children who grow up in such an environment are bound to be full of anxiety and anxiety and can't see their own advantages. It makes sense to be happy when you succeed and depressed when you fail.
Study for teachers and parents.
Some children are good children in the eyes of teachers and parents, but on the surface, they are actually a group of strong children who lack self-confidence, autonomy and goals. Because they are not confident, they are eager to affirm themselves by some means through the affirmation of parents and teachers, get satisfaction through the praise of teachers and parents, and find their confidence in the praise of others, that is to say, their confidence is based on the affirmation of others, which is erratic confidence, on the contrary, it is also a manifestation of unconfidence; Because they have no independent ability, don't know how to choose, can't find the focus and focus of learning, and then blindly fight for strength because of their competitiveness; Because they have no purpose, they don't know what they are studying for. Some children even think that they study for their teachers and parents.
Forgive yourself and accept failure.
Some children can't tolerate themselves and are too hard on themselves, which may be obtained invisibly from their parents. If his parents are too strict, it is difficult for him to learn tolerance, including himself and others. Therefore, parents should understand that nothing can be perfect, and the education of their children should also understand this. Second, teach children to learn to accept failure. It is human nature to be competitive, but at the same time, we must be able to accept failure. A child who can't accept failure is easily psychologically unbalanced. If the child fails in a strong competitive mentality, parents must pay more attention at this time, because the child's mentality at this time is depressed and his heart is fragile, so he should have appropriate comfort and encouragement.