One of the difficulties in children's family education.
Authority, not power
There is a lot of research in this field, and it is also sufficient. Diana, an expert in clinical and developmental psychology at the University of California, Berkeley? After decades of research, Baumland found that parents with high participation and responsiveness, high expectations for their children and respect for their independence are the ideal parents. These? Authoritative parents? It seems that they are the best in participation. Compared with parents who are passive and have low participation, or parents who have strong desire for control and high participation, their children's academic performance, psychological development and social skills are much better. Why are this type of parents so successful?
First of all, authoritative parents really inspire children's motivation. Carol, an expert in social and developmental psychology at Stanford University? Dwek's research explains why authoritative parents can raise highly active and successful children.
In a typical experiment, Dr. Dwek arranged children in a room and asked them to solve a simple problem. Most children solve it as easy as blowing off dust. However, Dr. Dwek will praise some of these children, but not all of them, because they are so smart and capable. Experiments show that those children who are not praised are more motivated to complete more and more difficult problems. They also show stronger self-confidence and the overall progress of solving problems is faster.
The second difficulty of children's family education
Respect your child's wishes, not yours.
This may seem counterintuitive, but praising children's talents seems to interfere with their confidence. Solve more difficult problems, and failure to solve them means loss? Smart? This kind of risk deprives children of their initiative to work spontaneously and becomes a burden. The findings of Dr. Dweck and Dr. Baumland coincide. Dr. Dweck also found that rationally supporting children's independence and reducing intervention can achieve better results in learning and growth.
Their research confirms what I have seen and heard in San Francisco's affluent Martin County for more than 25 years. For the happiest and most successful children, their parents will not do what they can for them, but meet their own needs, not their parents' wishes.
The third difficulty of children's family education
Growth is a process of drifting away.
The central task of growth is to cultivate independent, confident and realistic self-awareness. If you continue to treat a child who can already walk as a baby, then you are violating the objective situation and weakening her self-confidence. Check your homework every night and keep calling? Check the post? Helping children revise college papers will have the same effect.
Once a child can accomplish something by himself, you should be glad that your task has been completed, and then stop. When a child is young, unnecessary interference will make him feel bad. If it is adolescence, it may be angry with you.
However, do parents have the responsibility to help children do things that they are unable to do? If he or she is almost capable of finishing it, why over-train it?
Back when children learned to walk. At first, he will stagger, look at you immediately after falling, and wait for your response. You will naturally feel uneasy about these early efforts and take all measures to encourage him to stand up again. Of course you won't punish him for falling, and you won't speak ill of her for falling again. You will always be with her, be vigilant and give guidance when appropriate. You don't always help him up.
You know, she has to fail 99 times to succeed.
The fourth difficulty of children's family education
No matter what age, we must learn to let go.
Learning to stay out of it and allow children to make mistakes is one of the biggest challenges facing parents. It is easy for children to be young, but there is no need to tolerate a wrong baby when they grow up. It's completely different from letting a teenager go to the mall to meet her friends. Potential mistakes will bring greater risks, and part of parents' responsibility is to reduce their children's risks.
What kind of risks should we tolerate? What if there are bad people around? In general, a girl of 1 1 has the ability to take care of herself with friends for several hours. Maybe she forgot her belongings, maybe she spent more money shopping, maybe she should call home at noon.
The mysterious world is like an unfolded map. For your child, what he is curious about is the community garden. For children close to adolescence, he is curious about the surroundings; For adolescent children, he is curious about the whole world. But this curiosity only exists in small daily adventures, such as sliding a higher slide, riding a bike along the block and inviting new students. This growth has been happening. This kind of gray area outside the comfort range just cultivates their adaptability.
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