I can't imagine that a small page that doesn't know anything in our eyes will have such a magical subtle psychology.
First of all, let me sort out the mistakes we usually make intentionally or unintentionally when raising children:
False love one: easy to deny
Examples written in the article:
Four-year-old Petunia tried to put eggs by herself, but her mother stopped her. Her mother said that you would break the egg and wait until you grow up.
The two-year-old child tried to help clean the table, but his mother stopped him: you will break the plate.
When the child wanted to dress himself, he was stopped by his mother: no, here comes his mother.
When a child wanted to eat by himself, he was stopped by his mother: Look, you made so much money. ...
We've all done this before, and more than once?
I clearly remember that when my son was young, such words often came out of my mouth.
The reason why I can't write this sentiment for a long time is because I feel uneasy, always flustered, regretful and guilty ... I want to go back to the past and fall in love again my son in the right way.
Easily denying it shows that we adults are extremely powerful and omnipotent. Such power is holding children high and telling them the message mercilessly: you are weak, you are useless, and you are not allowed.
Over time, our children will become weak, discouraged, dependent on others, give up on themselves, and have too many bad behaviors. A child with bad behavior is a discouraged child. They lack our encouragement.
Encouragement is the nutrient for educating children, and children need encouragement just as plants need water. Without encouragement, children's personality cannot develop healthily, and children have no sense of belonging.
Wrong love 2: overprotective.
Examples in the book:
The mother of a seven-month-old child can't bear to make her cry. There must always be someone around her, or she will cry.
Two or five-year-old children want to play slides and swings by themselves, but their mothers are afraid of danger and can only do such things under their mother's protection.
We are really familiar with this kind of protection, but we don't understand that the seven-month-old baby has lost himself under our excessive attention. She is happy only when she becomes the focus of others' attention, which is not true happiness. True happiness does not need the attention of others, but comes from the heart.
In the second case, the child is actually told by his mother: how weak you are. Mothers protect their children everywhere, and children are timid and can't make their own decisions. Over time, he was unhappy and not interested in anything.
What a terrible love.
So what kind of truth should we know?
First, we should understand that children are born with the courage to grow up, and such courage supports them not to give up growing up.
Secondly, we should understand that every child is eager to be an equal member of the family. They are trying to give themselves a place. They need our correct parenting style and encouragement when they are constantly encountering setbacks and difficulties.
Third, we should know the ways and opportunities for children to find their own advantages and strengths. Don't discourage children from developing their abilities in order not to break a plate.
Fourth, we should know that encouraging children is a continuous process, and the key point is to give them self-esteem and a sense of accomplishment.
We should understand that self-sufficiency is the basic requirement of human growth. Understand that loving children does not need to meet all his requirements, so that children can learn to find happiness from their hearts and feel their inner satisfaction.
We should understand that children need freedom and space. They need to use their own experience to test and improve their ability to cope with danger. When children encounter difficult situations, we will give them protection and guidance.
Seven, we should know how to pay attention to the matter itself rather than the result. For example, we can comment on the study itself, not the exam results.
Eight, we should know how to see hope from weak children, give affirmation and dawn, and let them find a breakthrough in progress.
Nine, we must know how to encourage children to have no unified answers and standards, and we must rely on the children themselves.
Ten, to know how to control their casual words and deeds, rather than strengthening the incompetence and weakness of children.
1 1. We should prepare children to adapt to the real life of adults, and don't let them be unable to adapt to the future adult life full of difficulties and setbacks because of excessive protection.
We should know how to pay attention to children's strengths rather than weaknesses.
Thirteen, we should know how to use praise carefully, encourage children with simple words, pay attention to praise specific things, and don't let children work hard to get praise.
You know, parents' best love should be expressed by constantly encouraging their children to learn to be independent. Let's help children find courage from the heart and keep it for life.
Fifteen, we must know how to improve ourselves and accept our imperfections. It is important for parents to have the courage to change themselves.
Sixteen, we should know how to pay attention to every small progress, every small progress is in progress, and every step is the source of encouragement.
We want progress, not perfection. May we all grow up in learning, learn to encourage children, learn to accompany children, and reap the happiness we want.