I remember an orator, Totti Bird, once said: There are four stages in a child's growth: pick me up, hold me tight, let me go, let me go. Although this is a simple sentence, it may be a goal that parents need to work hard all their lives to achieve.
However, many parents just don't understand this process and don't want to let go of their children, which leads to the children's inability to cope with all kinds of pressures brought by life. Finally, this pressure is passed on to parents or society. For example, some time ago, at Wuhan airport, a mother was carrying several big bags, but her daughter didn't take anything. For some reason, her daughter kicked her mother six times. This giant baby is not just a girl. She feels that her parents should take care of her, and she doesn't know how to be grateful at all. Of course, seriously, they don't know how to be grateful, so they don't know how to be grateful.
There is a TV series called Mom, can I not be your daughter? . It is about a mother who is not only "protecting" her children, but also "controlling" them.
Do everything possible to make my daughter my own "exclusive" product. What clothes a daughter wears must be approved by her. She must drink the fruit and vegetable juice squeezed by herself, and can't eat the fruit directly. Even if you choose a cup in the supermarket, your daughter must look at her mother's face.
Similarly, the daughter's mother has to interfere in her work, and when she has a boyfriend, her mother tries her best to break up. The contradiction between mother and daughter is getting more and more serious. They quarrel, run away, avoid seeing each other, and they move from kinship to hostility.
Although the story has exaggerated elements, it does reflect the current situation of some family education.
For example, Japan began to implement "general education" in 2002, which is manifested in weekend weekends, refining teaching materials, reducing learning content, paying attention to the cultivation of quality and humanity, and letting children live a happy childhood.
"Loose education" has also affected family education in Japan, and parents are also "loose" to their children, so that they can avoid setbacks as much as possible in the process of growing up and rarely criticize them. It is to "protect" children, help them do many things, and help them avoid future risks.
However, the result of "overprotection" is not good. On the one hand, the young people who have trained the "giant baby" and the "relaxed generation" are not competitive, can't find a job, and don't want to find a job. In society, people shrink from a little setback and even go to extremes from time to time.
In our country, although "generalist education" is not respected, "doting on children" has always been a label that parents in China can't tear off. In particular, the only child in family planning is spoiled. When children are young, parents, especially grandparents, try their best to "spoil" them, and they satisfy whatever they want, even wanting to pick the stars in the sky. When children grow up, parents begin to "control" their children's life trajectory, advocate their children to develop according to their own wishes, and even take an examination of what major to choose in college, where to work after graduation, who to associate with, fall in love, and even ask their children when to have children.
However, after getting married at work, it is not uncommon to encounter more unpleasant things in real life. When children have their own ideas, their relationship with their parents will gradually alienate and even become rigid.
This doting also affects primary and secondary education. Now students can't take it lightly at school, teachers can't criticize it, let alone use a ruler. Even standing is corporal punishment in disguise. Preach without doing your homework. Excessive words are verbal insults. Students are slightly wronged, and some parents find schools and even report them to the local education bureau. Then a paper punishment was decided. As a result, the current teachers are timid and rarely dare to deal with the education of students. Students know this and they become more and more active. Even do something out of line in class, but the teacher won't do anything anyway. Talking too much means corporal punishment or corporal punishment in disguised form. There is always one that suits you.
Of course, for teachers who are a little stricter and will not keep pace with the times, it is easy to offend some students because they think it is good for them. I've been troubled by this recently. Students who don't do their homework and talk in class are criticized and punished. If they don't do their homework several times, they will be dealt with. It happened to be a school questionnaire, so it was "misused" by two students and reported to the teacher. Of course, some people are indiscriminate and arrogant, and will write a communique about it without considering the real situation. Of course, I am typical. I think it is my responsibility not to change the management of students, but to let these students let go of themselves and be smart in learning Buddhism in the future.
As parents of children, it is instinctive to care for and love their children. Parents try their best to create a comfortable, safe and healthy environment for their children, hoping that their children can grow up healthily and happily, and keep all dangers, ugliness and injuries away from them. But we should realize that children are independent individuals first, and how to balance "protection" and "letting go" can be said to be a big problem to test parents' wisdom.
Speaking of Deng Yaping, many people may first think of her brilliant resume: Olympic champion, table tennis grand slam winner, the first table tennis devil!
"Don't admit defeat" is the most prominent label attached to her.
Once, Deng Yaping participated in a talk show, talking about her being rejected by the Henan table tennis team at the age of 65, with a score of 438+00, to let everyone know that her indomitable character is inseparable from her father's education.
At that time, when my father learned from the coach that the child failed because of his short stature, he did not comfort Deng Yaping with white lies, but chose to tell her the real situation. Deng Yaping, who is still young, couldn't believe it when she heard the news. You know, those friends who stayed in the provincial team were all defeated by her.
"Why did they stay when I left?"
The sudden blow did not make Deng Yaping hate her guts, but aroused her indomitable fighting spirit. With her inner strength, she became more and more brave and went all the way to the top.
The father's decisive and direct approach seems ruthless, but I don't know that this is the best protection for children.
In fact, it is the most basic attitude towards life to let children know their environment as soon as possible, respond with the most appropriate attitude, and learn to bear the consequences of their own decisions.
There has never been such a sterile world. Instead of comprehensive protection and creating a dream future for children, let them know the real state of life as soon as possible.
Just like flowers in a greenhouse, how can they stand the test of nature's wind and frost without being polished by wind and frost?
For far-sighted parents, they will never protect their children, but will let them see it with their own eyes, leaving a shadow even when the sun is shining.
There is no flower that never fades, and there is no smooth road on the earth. Since we can't stop the wanton dance of life, why not let our children practice a suit of copper and iron early? Don't overprotect children. If you love him, you should learn to let go when it's time to let go.
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