Simply put, it is:
Parents should do what their children want to do first; If parents want their children not to do it, don't do it first; Parents will never force their children to do what they can't do; Parents rationally guide their children to do what they want.
Parents are the leaders of their children, and their words and deeds are related to the development of their children's character.
Every parent loves their children, but parents who are eager for their children to become talents may inadvertently force themselves into "Dragon Gate Knight" and hurt their children without knowing it.
Look at the following five knives and see how many you have used.
1
The first knife:
Spoil and stifle children's autonomy!
Do you know any ways to raise and abandon children?
It is a gentle doting on him.
Children are superior at home, take special care of them everywhere, do whatever they want and give whatever they want.
There is a saying that spoiling a child is like killing a child. The easier it is for parents to satisfy their children, the easier it is for them to lose hope.
Babysitting everything for children will not only ruin children, but also make children feel that their parents' efforts are taken for granted, and it is easy to raise a "baiwenhang".
Cheng in the TV series Everything's Fine is a typical "gnawing at the old" family. He is rightfully gnawing at the old, while Su Mu is the "culprit" who indulges him.
He is like the spoiled Xiong Haizi that we often see in our life. He feels that the whole world revolves around him, willful and irritable.
When looking for a job, Sue pays;
When you get married, Su Mu pays;
When buying a house, Su Mu pays;
Decoration, Su Mu money;
Finally, Su Mu also put all the pension money into it.
After Su Mu's death, Su Mingcheng forgot to love his parents when he was old enough to chew. Even when I take care of my father, my heart is full of disgust.
At work, muddling along, without goals and directions, muddling along.
Finally, his wife left him and went to prison herself.
In the family where he came from, he was always unconditionally satisfied, but outside this family, no one has ever been so satisfied with him. It turned out that the spoiled little boy became a giant baby.
Regarding love, parents always tend to go to extremes, either being stingy with love, making children lack love from childhood, or paying too much, killing their children.
We can participate in children's growth, but we can't replace them.
Knowing how to let go is true love, and life will always repay the risks you avoid for your children; The road you have taken for your child will make the child cry and walk again.
2
The second knife:
Quarrel, cut off the child's sense of security!
Psychological research shows that the detection rate of children's psychological problems is 32% in families where parents often quarrel, and 30% in divorced families. 19% live in a harmonious family.
The ugliness, quarreling and even fighting between parents will not only arouse children's fear, but also make them feel inferior and sensitive, leading to their irritability and violent tendencies.
More seriously, it will make children full of disappointment with their families and affect their future views on making friends and choosing a spouse.
When he can't feel the love and warmth brought by his family, he naturally won't share his love and warmth with his family.
Before, some fans left a message backstage saying:
When I was a child, I often heard my parents quarreling and hiding in the room, feeling that every point was suffering; Growing up in the back, when my parents quarrel, I will yell at my parents; Now I gradually find myself getting grumpy and in a bad mood. I love throwing things, and I can't completely control my emotions.
Parents are the children's first teachers and the main objects of children's learning and imitation. This boy, influenced by this bad family atmosphere, has become grumpy.
If two people have conflicting views, you can calm down first and talk about it later. If there is really no way, avoid the children and discuss again.
It is a kind of accomplishment for parents not to slander their partners in front of their children.
three
The third knife:
Contrast, wash away the child's confidence!
Liu Yong, a famous writer in Taiwan Province Province, once said:
"Children who have been in the shadow of their parents for a long time can't feel their parents' respect for themselves and can't feel their parents' affirmation and appreciation. Their hearts are like a barren and desolate land, lacking the vitality and vitality that originally belonged to a child. "
Comparing children with others casually is one of the worst ways of education.
If China children's biggest "enemy" is who? That must be someone else's child.
Many parents always look at the advantages of other children with a magnifying glass and their own children's shortcomings with a microscope, but turn a blind eye to their own children's advantages.
In the process of trying to gain parents' approval, children will take parents' requirements as the standard of behavior rules.
When children are young, their judgment is often weak. They don't know whether their parents' demands are reasonable or not, but just try to be a child praised by their parents. Gradually, the child lost his judgment.
When children are not recognized by their parents, they will feel inferior and inferior to other children.
Parents should understand that each child is an independent individual and there is not much comparability. It is good to learn from others' advantages, but it is more important to cultivate children's personality.
The more parents love to keep up with the joneses, the more inferior their children are, and the less power they have to grow up.
On the contrary, the more parents believe, the more confident their children will be and the better they will grow up.
Believe in children and wait for flowers to bloom.
four
The fourth knife:
Nagging encourages the child's rebellious heart!
Now there is a common phenomenon in family education: parents like to keep telling, reminding and urging.
Parents have been talking to their children, which is equivalent to turning their children's words into noise. Over time, children will be selectively deaf, and their left ear will go in and out, which will make their parents even more crazy.
In fact, nagging is the most useless tutor, and even counterproductive.
Endless nagging is a mental fatigue bombing for children.
Endless preaching and criticism will only disgust children, arouse their hostility and intensify the contradiction between parents and children.
Therefore, when many children reach puberty, they will have rebellious psychology in the face of their parents' nagging. The child's heart is often: "The more you ask me to do, the less I do."
Nagging is a negative emotion of parents, but it is actually the control of children's body and mind.
In order to escape, children will have resistance, and they will start to be deaf selectively to refuse or contradict their parents' nagging, not only unwilling to listen, but also turning your "attack" into "defense".
When children build a firewall to their parents, it is also easy to refuse the love and care we want to convey.
Turn nagging into a proper reminder.
Instead of nagging, parents should adopt the strategy of talking less, listening more and acting more, and let their children try and explore on their own.
five
The fifth knife:
Beat and scold, stab the child's self-esteem!
Do you still remember the incident that a boy of 0/4 years old jumped off a building in Wuhan Jiangxia No.1 Middle School in September?
/kloc-A 0/4-year-old boy is playing poker in the classroom. His teacher invited his parents.
The boy's mother rushed over and saw her son standing in the corridor and slapped him twice.
Next, I pinched my neck and poked my forehead at the boy.
After his mother left, he stood in silence for two minutes, suddenly climbed up the railing and jumped down.
After the rescue, the boy was seriously injured and left this world forever.
In the corridor of the teaching building where people come and go, in front of the classmates who get along day and night, his self-esteem was slapped to the ground and smashed into slag.
Is it because you were angry for a while, or you wanted to teach your child a lesson, but the result was that you pushed your child to the point of no return.
After the incident, I suddenly remembered a sentence I had read before: "I didn't want to kill my parents first, but I tried to commit suicide countless times and gave them back my life."
It's so sad.
Children who have been abused and verbally abused by their parents for a long time can hardly be psychologically healthy.
Beating a child is not love, but the vent of parents on the pretext of love.
Born in a noble family: how to correct the character defect once wrote:
Unhealthy family background, like a serial rear-end collision on the expressway, will be passed down from generation to generation.
Perhaps in adolescence, beating children can play a temporary role, but when children grow up, they are prone to inferiority, timidity and even hatred and hostility.
The abuse they suffered in childhood will become a barrier between them and their parents, close people and society.
Children have problems, often because of family education.
Parents must check themselves in time, and don't let your wrong educational methods delay your child's growth.
Educating children is a compulsory course for every parent. Whether you can "get in" depends on your whole life to study.