Recently, I saw this sentence:

If God gives you an absent father, he will give you an anxious mother, and in the end he will only raise an out-of-control child.

Yes, when the husband becomes an invisible person in the family, the mother will slowly withdraw her feelings and attention from the husband and put it on the child, so that the child can only breathe in the cracks and eventually become rebellious and out of control.

Suppose that the essence of family represents "love" and the essence of education represents "rules".

Because mom and dad have different thinking deviations, under normal circumstances, mom is more emotional and dad is more rational.

In the family, emotional mothers are more likely to teach their children "what is family, what is love and what is safety."

And a rational father is more likely to teach children "what are the rules and regulations of society?" Therefore, in the future, the responsibility of the father to lead the children from the family to the society is often greater than that of the mother.

But in real life, fathers are usually busy with their careers and work, so they have little time to care about their children's studies, and even shirk their responsibilities on the grounds of busy work.

Mother should bear this responsibility. There are many mothers who not only have jobs, but also undertake housework. Coupled with the child's education problems, it has pushed the mother to an anxious situation.

So the status quo of most families is: "always absent father, anxious mother, disobedient child."

In this way, a vicious circle is formed, inactive fathers are increasingly marginalized, anxious mothers are becoming stronger and stronger, and children in the cracks are becoming more and more difficult.

0 1

Without a father, it is difficult for a child to have a complete personality.

According to psychology, the mother's influence on children is mainly whether the children can become independent people, while the father shapes the children's outlook on life, which is related to the formation of personality.

If the father is absent for a long time during the child's growth, it will easily lead to the child's personality and emotional defects.

Psychologists have found that children who can't get enough care and companionship from their fathers are prone to anxiety, loneliness, inferiority, weak self-control, and even aggressive, competitive and rebellious personality and behavior problems. These are called "fatherless syndrome".

According to the statistics of American marriage experts, compared with those who fully enjoy the father's love, children with "lack of father's love syndrome" in childhood have twice the dropout rate in middle school and the crime rate in adulthood; If it is a girl, the chance of becoming a single mother when she grows up is three times higher.

Zhu Chaoyang in The Hidden Corner is a typical example.

Zhu Chaoyang's father, Zhu Yongping, cheated him in his marriage. After divorcing his mother Zhou Chunhong, he soon married another woman, Yao Yao, and gave birth to his daughter Zhu Jingjing.

In Zhu Chaoyang's eyes, his father missed all the important moments in his life: taking the senior high school entrance examination, celebrating his birthday and visiting his grandparents. Even in daily life, fatherly love is still missing.

Apart from donating money, Zhu Yongping seldom cares about life in Zhu Chaoyang. Even though his son won the first place in school, he heard it from his friends.

Father is not only a companion in the process of children's growth, but also a leader in building children's sense of security and shaping their character.

However, after his father reorganized his family, in Zhu Chaoyang's world, only his back was left.

Because of this, Zhu Chaoyang's faith gradually collapsed, pushing his envied sister down a tall building and finally going astray.

Finally, at the moment when his father died to protect his son, he really realized how serious his lack of his son was.

Gerdi, a famous American psychologist, said that father is a peculiar existence and has a special power to cultivate children.

Father's absence will make children lose some opportunities to educate their outlook on life in social order, social norms and codes of conduct.

02

Mother's anxiety makes it difficult for children to have the ability to be happy.

Of course, the most direct consequence of father's absence is to gain an anxious and irritable mother, and then the disintegration of the family may follow.

In short, the absence of a husband will really drive a woman crazy, but the mistakes made by parents are always paid by the children.

I read a news before that a mother in Meishan, Sichuan province slapped her 3-year-old daughter nine times in 45 seconds because she blamed her daughter for not eating well.

In this short 45 seconds, she kept slapping the child's face, back and hands, and even knocked the child to the ground several times.

Finally, she was interviewed by the local women's Federation and even lectured by many departments.

Many years later, the little girl may forget this matter, but the fear and shadow brought by her mother may accompany her all her life.

In fact, this mother is not like this, so why did she become like this?

The source of her real collapse is the emotional accumulation and collapse caused by her husband's absence for many years.

When the focus of life is completely around children and family, no one can discuss anything but do it on their own. They have little freedom 24 hours a day and are at a loss for a long time. There is no outlet for anxiety and resentment, so we have to beat and scold the children to discourage them.

I remember one time Dani went crazy on Weibo, because the mother image described in the cartoon made her angry.

After seeing what she said, I thought about it. It really is.

In Tu Tu with big ears, my mother gets angry from time to time. In a father with a big head and a small head, it is always the mother who has a bad temper. In cherry maruko, it is always my mother who is angry because of her unsatisfactory grades. ......

Although creation comes from life, the naked truth brought by this life really makes mothers feel sad.

Why are mothers always so anxious? After all, one person bears too much, and no one shares it.

The mother's anxiety and needs, which should be borne by her husband, are projected on her children, who are depressed, struggling and tyrannical and pretend to be trapped animals in various emotions.

This also leads to various problems in children's growth, or rebellion, or emotional out of control, or excessive dependence, or even into a state of refusing to grow up, and there is no way to explore and integrate into society.

03

The complete love of parents can provide sufficient nutrients for children.

Psychologist Zeng Qifeng said that there are no remedies for children's growth, and only responsible parents provide stable and healthy soil.

In this soil, there is father's company and mother's calmness.

Because only the participation of parents is complete, children can find a clear position in the family, develop towards socialization and become better themselves.

Then, if you want to change this family model of "Mom is in a hurry when Dad is away", you need the mutual cooperation and acceptance of Mom and Dad:

What you should be closest to is your wife or husband.

No matter how busy you are, you should give the couple some separate time and space, such as watching a movie, eating a big meal, or even going out for a trip.

Tell your child that the person that Dad loves most is Mom, and the person that Mom loves most is Dad, and then Mom and Dad love you together.

This is not selfish, and there is no need to worry about reducing parents' love for their children.

Only when a man returns to his husband's identity will he have more love for his children.

When a wife feels her husband's love, she will slowly let go of her anxiety and infect her children with more gentle and firm love.

2. Respect each other's parenting ideas and methods.

The criticized father will have a deep sense of frustration and anger. Over time, the enthusiasm and enthusiasm for parenting will be hit and become self-destructive: "On the contrary, I do nothing right. It is better to do nothing than to be scolded. "

In fact, fathers also love children, but in different ways. We should allow fathers to love their children.

Differences in parenting styles can share their thoughts when both parties are not in the mood and let the other party know their thoughts and feelings.

Mom needs to release herself from the family.

Women need to develop a life outside the family, not around the stove and children every day. In the long run, family relationships can easily be out of balance.

Contradictions, grievances and quarrels are one after another. Children are not happy at all in such an environment, but are easily kidnapped by their mothers' wishful thinking.

Remember, a woman's sense of value comes not only from her husband and children, but also from developing her hobbies and never giving up her growth.

Only by not blindly trying to be brave, respecting yourself and relaxing your mother can children feel relaxed.

When you get better and better, the relationship between husband and wife becomes more and more harmonious, and the growth of children will become smoother and happier.

As a father, don't forget your responsibilities as a father and husband. Leave as much time as possible for family, partners and children after work.

No matter how busy and tired you are at work, you should also set aside a fixed parent-child time, give your children high-quality companionship, accompany them to fly kites, play with toys, climb mountains, swim and walk, and chat with them after dinner in the evening.

Say goodbye to the children before going out, hug them warmly after going home, and spend 10 minutes telling a good night story before going to bed.

As long as dad devotes himself wholeheartedly, even if it is only a few minutes' company, children can feel his love and warmth and get nourishment from it.

Care about your wife, don't forget your responsibilities as a husband, don't make her feel isolated, know how to help her share some housework, discuss problems with her, and be willing to spend time actively participating in family life.

Because it will fulfill the growth of a child and the happiness of a family.

04

Family education is essentially a conspiracy of parents' love.

A harmonious and stable family needs to be managed, relying on the dedication and enthusiasm of both husband and wife.

Only a harmonious and stable family can achieve a child with healthy body and mind, optimistic personality and sound personality development.

As parents, we should love our children correctly and create a warm and loving family atmosphere.

The father who is not absent gives the child the initial sense of security in his life and will accompany and protect the child for life.

A mother who is not anxious conveys the gentlest feelings in the world with a peaceful mind and casts a warm corner in her child's heart.

Dad loves mom, mom respects dad, and parents teach their children what love is and how to love.

I believe that children who grow up in love will always get special love from time to time.