In order to exchange parenting experience, this article is based on conversations with ten families. First of all, this article only represents the situation and personal views of 10 family. For discussion.
1. Definition of two modes
(1) Tiger Dad Tiger Mom Style (referred to as "Tiger Style")
This model mainly examines the strict attitude towards children. Although I don't uphold the principle of filial piety under the stick, I basically believe that strict teachers make high disciples, dripping water wears away the stone, and stupid birds fly first. They are anxious, sensitive to all kinds of learning resources and educational resources, and keen to contact new things. The investigation of the family did not find that both parents are of this type, and only the father or mother belongs to it, so for convenience, we combined our concerns.
The main features are: parents' right to speak in education is strong, parents' educational choices are wide, the proportion of educational expenditure is large, children's learning tasks are heavy (more than four classes a week), the quality of children's schools in the area is good, they like to inquire about educational information in detail and strive for it, and they are anxious or determined about future planning, so they can accompany them.
Educational philosophy: "Don't let your children lose at the starting line", "Excellent people will always work harder than you", "Only when you are in pain can you become a master", "Other people's children are excellent" and "All children whose parents have not achieved it should achieve it"
(2) Buddhist style
Happy parenting is more appropriate, mainly following the principle of happiness first, let nature take its course, let nature take its course. I belong to this category. Borrowing this word is not derogatory, but compared with the former, I feel that I have not done enough, and the contrast is too great. I can't help but vomit the usage of this word.
The main characteristics are: parents are very cautious in their educational choices, their educational expenditure will be determined according to their abilities, their children's learning tasks are average (within four classes per week), their children attend many types of schools in the district, they also like to inquire about educational information but are not meticulous, and they take an uncertain or anxious attitude towards future planning and generally do not accompany them.
Educational philosophy: "Children's happy growth is more important than anything else", "Children's health/happiness is good", "It is enough to achieve a goal in the future", "Life is a marathon, not a temporary speed" and "Children can't ask to be admitted to Peking University without being admitted to Tsinghua".
The standard of classification is that families meet five main characteristics and two or more educational ideas.
2. Analysis of the two modes
10 families are all in the central area of the province, and their parents' educational level and work conditions are good, and they have certain opinions on parenting. Only three schools conform to the "Tiger Style", and the other seven schools can be classified as "Buddhists". There are some results for reference:
(1) Accompanying and education are equally important. Bronson believes that under the condition of free choice, preschool children prefer to associate with adults rather than with their peers. Both modes think that it is impossible to replace parents' company, and parents are willing to spend their spare time with their children. While "Tiger" parents don't forget education when accompanying them, "Buddha" family members accompany them mainly for fun, without learning burden.
(2) It is very important to keep children's mental health. Both of these models are recognized. However, the "tiger" family is not doing well. Parents are strong and often scold their children. Children have few choices and their needs are often ignored. Maintaining a child's mental health is usually remedial. Parents of Buddhist families are willing to discuss and listen to their children. They also know that they have not done enough in education, but they have given their children more encouragement. Their children are sunny and willing to participate in chatting and heart-to-heart. Although I occasionally scold my children, I am not afraid.
(3) Children's right to choose. Tiger parents are relatively strict, and there are not many choices (one of two or three) for their children in life or study, but more parents choose or provide them; Buddhist parents are willing to discuss with their children or prefer to let them make their own decisions.
(4) Children's evaluation of parents. Children in both modes give positive comments to their parents. "Tiger" children have the richest comments on their parents, for example, their parents are independent, strict in management, learning by themselves, challenging activities and so on. Most of the "Buddhist" children expressed satisfaction, but the evaluation content was relatively simple, and joy became the main topic.
3. Some ideas
The two models have their own advantages and disadvantages, which truly verifies the meaning of "thinking about change when you are poor". Education is the most complicated thing. Success is never determined by these two models, but also by children themselves, opportunities, environment and so on. Finally, sort out some inspirations:
(1) A tolerant environment is easy to cultivate children's healthy psychology. Children from "Buddhist" families can talk more, laugh more frequently, have pure nature and are full of childlike interest.
(2) Active intervention is easy to cultivate children's correct ideas. "Tiger" children have a good sense of time and have a plan.
(3) Appropriate encouragement is easy to cultivate children's confident attitude. Children from "Buddhist" families interact naturally with their parents and communicate more actively with other strangers.
This article is included in the "Parents Talk" column of "New Art Creation" WeChat official account.
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