Qi Ming in August 2008: A lonely person will always remember everyone who has appeared in his life, so I will always think of you. Every night when the stars fall, I count my loneliness over and over again.

My name is Qi Ming. I live in Zhejiang. I wander around the campus with my backpack on my back every day. My hair hangs in front of my eyes. When shadows and sunshine enter my eyes, they become messy fragments and silhouettes, like broken time. This summer, I 19 years old. I stood among the flowers, but no one said happy birthday to me.

The teacher told me to hang it like this. After you 19 years old, you will have nothing to mix.

My favorite girl is Lan Xiao. She has soft hair and a bright smile. She likes talking and laughing. Every night after self-study, she always pushes her bike home alone, and I walk behind her with my guitar on my back. We are separated by a distance and don't talk to each other. I don't trust her to go home alone. It's not good for girls to go home alone at night.

Watching her walk into the corridor, I turned and left, went home, and whistled loudly when I walked into the darkness.

But when we were young, I always took her home by bike, smiling in the night wind and being young on the bike. Moreover, the camphor tree in front of her house always gives off a strong fragrance at night.

In the hot summer of 2008, I stood on the edge of the railway track outside the railway station with a few underdeveloped boys like me every day, listening to the train speeding by, hitting my shoulder like a heavy thunder overhead. Occasionally it rains, and when the hot rain drops on my face, I wonder if I am crying.

When I think of Lan Xiao, my tears are like heavy rain.

This summer seems to be frozen and infinitely elongated, just like the silent black railway track, with no route and no end in sight.

Every day, when the sun goes behind the haze and the shadow covers my hair, I will lie on the concrete floor next to the railway track, look at the sky and think of the haze. I miss her very much, the sunshine reflected from her white skirt in summer, and the seriousness of her work. I wanted to call her, but I hung up long ago. I forget how many days I haven't been home. Because it is lonely to go home, the empty room is full of air conditioning, no food and no life.

Whenever the train flies by me, I always have hallucinations. I always see myself jumping into the track and flying high into the sky. My body is scattered on the runway like a lotus flower, and the smell of small blue hair is floating in the air.

I don't know where, the bell rang in the middle of the night.

C sings in the direction of the sunset, leaving us with a blurred silhouette. He sang, whenever you see the sunset red again, whenever you hear the midnight bell again, the past dribs and drabs are surging, leaving me no time to be sad in my heart.

I suddenly remembered the little prince, the lonely child who watched the sunset forty-three times a day, the child who guarded his only rose.

When the whole place was full of roses, but he couldn't find his flowers, he squatted down and cried.

In 2008, Xia Tianlan told me this story and gave me The Little Prince. Later, I spent many nights leafing through exquisite coated paper and reading childish and serious crayon illustrations under the desk lamp.

In August, 2008, Lan Xiao told a joke. I wanted to laugh for several days, but I have been sad for several years since I saw you cry once.

Summer is my favorite season, because the sky is exceptionally vast and sunny, which is rare in the south. I like looking up at the sky at a 45-degree angle, and sometimes I hear birds singing in surprise.

After signing up from school, I stood at the school gate waiting for the bus, looking at the sky, thinking that I am a high school student now and don't have to wear those good school uniforms like kindergarten children.

Hey, that classmate, are you a freshman? Lend me you.

I looked up and saw a boy riding a bicycle with long hair flying in the wind and a clear smile like water. He looks very happy, smiling to reveal white teeth and pink gums. I saw him with two sharp tiger teeth.

I saw that he was not a liar, so I handed it in. Three seconds later, I began to regret it, because he happily greeted others in Mandarin: Oh, boy, there you are. Then I looked at him with a particularly painful expression and played long-distance running happily. Later, he simply got off the bike, then paced back and forth, changing his posture frequently.

Ten minutes later, he handed me his mobile phone and asked me innocently with wide eyes, why is there no electricity?

I said, do you want me to charge you?

But it is a pity and strange that he should listen to this irony as a problem. He cocked his head and thought about it carefully, then said, no, it's almost finished anyway.

I swear to Chairman Mao that I really want to kick him to death.

I turned around and walked for two or three steps. He called me behind: That girl, are you going to invite me to dinner?

I turned and said, are you going to invite me to dinner?

He shook his head and said, no, no, you invited me to dinner because I didn't bring any money today. Then he generously turned out all his pockets for me to see.

I swear to God, I begged Chairman Mao to let him live after I kicked him, and then I kicked him to death.

The next day, when the roll was called, I heard the teacher call Qi Ming, and then a familiar voice behind me said, Here we are! I turned around and saw that guy's tiger teeth.

He seemed very happy and asked me, sister, why are you sitting in front of me?

Because I am too old this year. I swore to Chairman Mao for the third time in my mind.

Then Qi Ming became my classmate. I can see him hanging in front of me in different styles but expensive clothes every day. He is a person who loves cleanliness and cares about death. I said you are clean enough to stew meat. He said he'd better wash it first.

That summer, in my memory, it was as light as a youth movie without sadness, and all the scenes were full of brilliance. Whenever I look back, I see happiness without sadness.

Maybe it's because that summer passed so fast. I said this to myself many years later.

Qi Ming in August 2008: Every season, I like to wander in the streets and watch the wind blow through the whole city, every lush tree and my last youth. My age is 19.

Walking through the cracks in this city, I always like to look up at the blue sky exposed between buildings. I can hear the wind through the crack.

Xiao Lan is waiting for her grades at home. I know she did well in the college entrance examination, but I did badly. When I heard the result, I felt something suddenly pressing on my chest and then quickly evacuated, and what was hidden in the depths of my chest was taken away with it. I am so sad that I can't even cry. I called the information desk over and over again, and then I listened to the number that made me think I heard it wrong three times. I hung up and squatted on the side of the road. Many cars and people passed by me, and I heard the sound of broken glass.

I called Lan Xiao, but I couldn't make a sound when I held it. But she knew it was me. She said, don't be sad. I checked your score for you. I know you didn't do well in the exam. My tears drop by drop on the hot ground and quickly evaporate without a trace. I suddenly began to understand that in this hot summer, many things will be evaporated and will never leave a trace.

I am in the dark bottom of this city and mixed with some degenerate boys, wasting my youth and life. I don't remember playing the guitar and singing it to Xiao Lan in the bar rock music like an earthquake.

Memory is like water in the palm of your hand. Whether you open it or hold it tightly, water will always flow through your fingers, bit by bit.

I don't know where my future is rooted, or I have no future at all. My friend and I are going to a private university in Xi 'an. The funny thing is that we don't even have enough registration fees.

If I ask my mother for it, there is no doubt that the money I get will enable me to graduate directly from that university, but I don't want to see my mother again. Ever since she left my dad. I don't want to see my father again, because he left my mother.

So a few of us stand alone in the noise of this city, with no purpose and direction. As those very sentimental people say, we are sick children living in the dark, with blue faces and uneven eyes.

But we are not cynical, we don't make public bad news, we are just silent, silent for a long time, lying on the platform outside the station, listening to the train passing by, watching the yellow and hot sky overhead and watching the birds fly away. Some birds will be shot suddenly and then fall straight.

My memory began to blur, because I couldn't remember myself standing in the shade with a clean white shirt and Xiao Lan, my clear and clean laughter, the way Lan Xiao blushed when he gave me a picture book for the first time on my birthday, or we skipped classes, watched movies, or found a lawn soaked in the sun to sleep.

I don't remember my seventeen years old, and I don't remember the summer when the flowers first bloomed.

September 2008, Lan Xiao: I count your smiles every day, but when you are in the joint school, you are so lonely. They say your smile is beautiful and silent.

Qi Ming and I soon got to know each other. When I screamed behind his bike, no teacher told us the legend about the immature fruits in summer. The reason is that in this school, if your grades are good enough, then those student rules are probably zero for you.

I am the first in the school, and Qi Ming is the seventh. Qi Ming said that I bullied people in this school like a local rich man.

It was Qi Ming who began to form the habit of skipping classes, and after I found out that I was the first one even if I skipped classes, I began to escape easily without ideological burden.

When Ji Ming took me to skip class for the first time, he was as serious as training spies:

First, don't panic when you see the teacher.

I don't care.

Second, don't make a hullabaloo about over the iron gate.

I call a fart.

Third, you are so cute.

I'm cute, my ass. Oh, no, I'm cute.

Later, with the help of Qi Ming, I successfully climbed over the iron gate of the school, but later I decided to wear less skirts in the future. Because when my skirt was hooked by the iron gate, I saw Qi Ming laughing almost to death, and two tiger teeth stood out in the sun.

Sometimes we skip class and do nothing, just find a grass to sleep on. So lying on the grass and watching nature become the clearest memory of my freshman year.

Qi Ming is so nervous, you can tell him that the sea water is so blue, and he will tell you that it is because the white light is not absorbed by the sea water. Besides, he always plays cards against common sense. For example, once I dragged his clothes with me, I put them on and asked him how he felt. He said good-looking is good-looking, but ugly. And when talking to him, his rhythm is always one beat slower than yours, so you will feel that he is sleeping with his eyes open. When he looks at me in a trance, I always sigh: It's a pity that his IQ is so low.

However, there are still many ignorant little girls who like this person with low IQ. There is no denying that Qi Ming looks good. Because I said on various occasions that I didn't like Qi Ming, those girls gave me their love letters that had been brewing for a long time and asked me to give them to Qi Ming. I have never seen a woman trust another woman so much.

But he has hardly seen it. I asked him, hey, why don't you read the letter written to you?

Because they are too complicated, I can't open them. Ji Ming bowed his head and chewed the ribs, and answered me without looking up. Today's ribs are delicious. Too bad you don't eat them.

Later, when another girl gave it to me, I really wanted to tell them not to fold any acacia knot, because that idiot couldn't open it.

Qi Ming's family is very rich and his parents are running it. He hardly wears duplicate clothes all summer and only drinks Pepsi. He said drinking pure water would make you vomit. I always spend a lot of time teaching him how to be a simple person. He always nods seriously and then says, hey, are you finished? I see a dress, only a few, you accompany me this afternoon.

Qi Ming's ideal is to be an excellent designer, and mine is to study international accounting. He always said that I was a vulgar woman who spent all day in money, but I always said that he was unrealistic and ambitious all day. But I still gave him a picture book on his birthday. He blushed like a tomato when he took the photo album.

I said: You are blushing.

He put his hand in his pocket and said, I blushed in a planned way. What's so strange about it? Then he turned and walked away. After three steps, he turned around, his face was redder than tomatoes, and he said, well, thank you.

Then he suddenly said in surprise, Oh, you are blushing!

I began to learn to get along with Qi Ming, and I began to understand his language such as "Well, if you look good, you will be ugly" and "If you are thinner, you will be fatter". I began to like watching this big boy like a child laugh his teeth out, sweating all over and pestering me to help him get coke. I started singing in the back seat of Qi Ming's bike every day, asking me if I was heavy while singing. He always said that he swung a bag of rice and I was heavier than a bag of rice. I began to get used to being taken to lunch by him. I began to allow him to lecture me like an elder, and I was satisfied because everyone could hear the spoil in those lessons.

Sometimes I dream about him. In the dream, Qi Ming feels very real, his hair is long and soft, the pigeon's gray pupil, and blue mist around him is always a mystery.

Qi Ming in August, 2008: For those people in the train, we children lying on the platform beside the railway tracks are just a common picture in the scenery from window to window, but I don't know how many times those children lying looking up at the sky have secretly cried.

Going home after a heavy rain, there is still no one at home. There is no food and adequate air conditioning. I saw a thick stack of money that my mother put on my bed. I looked at them without feeling anything. Only the rain outside the window, like the background music in the movie, is infinitely magnified.

The Lan Xiao password in the record was repeated. From 6 am to 3 am, almost every hour. I suddenly feel very sad. I will call, but Lan Xiao is not at home.

When I hung up, I seemed to see Lan Xiao sitting on the floor with his knees in his hands. Her hair hung down to cover her sad face.

A soft layer of dust fell on my desk, and I wrote Lan Xiao's name with my finger.

My desk still retains the appearance of the day before the college entrance examination, and there are reference books and calculus papers everywhere. There is also a card for me on the wall, which reads: I wish the college entrance examination success-Xiao.

I found a pile of writing paper from that pile of books, and then I suddenly wanted to sit down and write to Lan Xiao. I turned on the desk lamp, and suddenly it was like going back to those days when coffee was flowing before July.

"Lan Xiao, are you okay? These days, I am with C and others. We decided to go to a private school in Xi and formed a band there. I heard from a friend of mine that the music in that city is very good. So I want to have a look. Moreover, the city has ancient city walls and a hidden sunset. I think it must be beautiful. I'll take a picture for you when I have time.

"I met an old man when I was wandering aimlessly in the street that day. His hair and beard are all white. We sat down to chat in the street. I forgot what we said, but strangely enough, I finally cried. I have never cried in front of others. Am I useless? You must be laughing at me. I forgot to tell you that the old man looks like my grandfather. My grandfather is in Xinjiang. It's been a long time.

"You should continue to learn piano in the summer vacation. Every time I see you play the piano, I dare not speak. I think you are like an angel, hehe. Your fingers are so flexible, not as stupid as mine.

"I suddenly found that the railway station is a good place to think, because it is very noisy, but when you indulge in those noises, you will find that they will not affect you at all. There are all kinds of faces around, tears and laughter, reunion and parting, but they are all the excitement of others and have nothing to do with me.

"Go to bed early. I seldom go home these days. Don't call me every day. I'm fine. Don't worry so much, go to bed early, don't wait for me, your eyes are like pandas. "

I put the letter in the envelope and wrote it neatly. When I arrived at the post office, I dropped the letter into the mailbox. The letter fell with a dull sound, and my heart suddenly tightened.

Then I came out of the post office and didn't know where to eat. Suddenly I remembered a roadside stall of beef noodles in the southwest corner of this city. So I started walking. The scorching sun continues to scorch the city, and it seems tragic for me to walk on the steaming ground.

When I started eating that bowl of noodles, I found a girl beside me crying while eating, and her tears fell into the bowl drop by drop. I looked at her left hand holding the report card, because it was too hard and I could see the bones.

I didn't speak, but my heart was so depressed.

On the way home, it was already brightly lit, and all kinds of neon were scattered in my eyes like pigments dumped in water, layer after layer of colorful and messy. On the way, some children began to celebrate the success of their college entrance examination. They put on clothes that they usually dare not wear and dyed their hair. The propaganda of young people filled the whole street. No one blames their arrogance. All the drivers passing by smiled at them. Time is so happy, but it is so incomplete. Didn't anyone see a child laughing and crying at the roadside?

I looked up and held back my tears, and found that the sky was dark as never before, with no moonlight and no starlight. Like some kind of despair, it breeds endlessly and finally covers everything.

Lan Xiao, 65438+February 2008: If waiting can bring miracles, then I am willing to wait all the time, whether it is a year or a lifetime.

It seldom snows in winter in Zhejiang, but it hardly snows in the city where I live. So this Christmas lacked the necessary atmosphere for me, so I naturally pulled Qi Ming out of the so-called classic dance carefully planned by several cadres in my class.

There are many people in the street, and there are boys and girls dressed as lovers everywhere. In the winter of 2008, I was a sophomore and inexplicably became Qi Ming's girlfriend.

I remember that it was windy that morning, and Qi Ming was waiting for me downstairs on his bike. When I appeared, Qi Ming said, I like you. Can you be my girlfriend? He looked down at me and blushed ridiculously.

Then I didn't speak for three minutes. I saw Qi Ming's expression change from blushing to surprise to anxiety to fear, as if watching a student interview in the film performance department. I didn't speak because I was scared silly, but my expression wrongly conveyed to Qi Ming the illusion that I was going to cry.

He said nervously, don't cry, you can't fight righteousness, don't scare me.

Then I began to laugh, and my hands almost turned into front feet. Qi Ming looked annoyed and said, What are you laughing at there? I am serious!

Then I suddenly stopped laughing and stood up and said; Qiming, I like you too.

From then on, I often read the diary of this day, and I saw myself writing on a light blue piece of paper:

"On that day, I first saw Qi Ming's smile as clear as sunshine, his eyes narrowed, his teeth were so white, and his smile was like the warmest wind in winter. When I sit in the back seat of Qi Ming's bike, I can feel his happiness. His happy whistle filled the fog of winter, and he walked across the city with his back wide, but he was not cold at all. I put Qiming's scarf around my neck and smelled him. I asked him, do you use perfume? He said, I'm not that sissy! After a while, he turned around and asked me seriously, does shower gel count? Then I laughed so hard that my car almost crashed. "

Qi Ming always feels like a child to me, but this child always indulges me infinitely.

There was a time when I rushed to write an English manuscript until two o'clock in the morning every day. Then I called Qi Ming and told him that I had finished it. He always said to me in a helpless voice: Miss, are you calling to tell me that you have finished writing? It's two o'clock in the morning. Do you want me to live? But I always hang up the phone for no reason, and then sleep happily with a pillow.

On the day I finished the manuscript, I went to bed early. I was woken up in the middle of the night. I heard a chorus of voices. He said piteously, Lan Xiao, why didn't you fight? I really want to sleep. I looked at my watch. It's four o'clock, and I fell asleep laughing happily. In my dream, I have a childish face, holding a guitar, smiling, young and beautiful.

There is a deserted playground behind the school, which is full of weeds. When the wind blows, it smells of earth and grass. The edge of the grass is a broken white wall, which has been in disrepair for a long time. Cracks in the vicissitudes of cement can be seen under the peeling white paint. This wall is the notebook of Qi Ming and me, and we agreed to write down everything we think is worth writing on it. Qi Ming writes on the left and I write on the right. Every time I write on the right with a 2B pencil, I really want to see what Qi Ming has written, but he always refuses to let me see it with a smile. He said I was writing a bad word about you. How can you tell?