Life education can be seen everywhere. In fact, from the moment a child is born, life education has been integrated into his life. Although young, the world that children come into contact with and experience, including everything related to life, is life education. Wang, director of the Institute of Psychotherapy and a clinical psychologist, gave examples, such as the loss of pets and the death of grandparents who took care of themselves. These life experiences, which interact with children more, are all life education. Children watch new life appear and disappear before their eyes, or feel the process of life gradually growing and changing its face because of their care and upbringing.
When children are young, their cognition of life and death is vague. Seeing the anime film, the protagonist died and soon came back to life, making them wonder how many times they can "live" in life. It was not until a close family member or beloved pet died that the child realized that today, tomorrow and even the future could not be seen, so the child felt lost, even sad, and began to understand death; It was from the process of small fish laying eggs at home that I knew the beginning of a new life.
Starting from interest, life education covers a wide range. Educating children in talking about life can be about respecting life, knowing the difference between yourself and others, talking about life and death, and so on. But before that, parents' first task is to make their children interested in the things around them.
Before the age of one, most children play, grab, pinch, knock, bite, smell and listen to all kinds of toys by themselves, which is purely a game of feeling and action. They can't pay attention to other children and develop interpersonal relationships. After 2 years old, you will enter the "parallel game" time. Although playing in the same place with other children, children are just playing their own games, and there will be no subordination and no cooperation and interaction. It is not until the child is three and a half years old, or enters kindergarten, that the child will have simple behaviors such as commanding, imitating, ordering or exchanging toys. There is interaction between peers.
At this time, adults can show their interpersonal skills and ways of caring for life. For example, children in kindergarten take sick leave and go to school the next day. Teachers can take the initiative to care for other children, greet their physical condition, guide them to pay attention to others' situation and learn how to care for others.
Life education begins with parents' role models, caring for vulnerable groups and learning to be friendly. From birth, children's world is self-centered and extends to parents and brothers. Usually, it is not until children enter kindergarten that they begin to understand that children of the same age are also different, such as physical weakness or physical characteristics caused by special diseases. At this time, the attitude of parents will affect the way children treat others. Some parents will say the wrong idea of "don't play with autistic children", which will make children lose the opportunity to learn to be friendly to others immediately.
On the contrary, if parents can let their children know that visually impaired friends have keen hearing or people who are not good at communication may have amazing creativity, guide their children to see everyone's advantages, learn to understand everyone who is different from themselves and become friends who can play together, then children will understand that "being different from themselves" does not mean good or bad, but enriches the world.
Care for others and cultivate empathy. When you notice the yellow duckling, will you also start to pay attention to the whirlwind of peripheral products brought by the yellow duckling? Similarly, if children want to know how to care about other people's affairs, they should also start from arousing interest. First of all, they are curious, then they are willing to take the initiative to contact, and then they cultivate the ability to care.
When children begin to know how to pay attention to others and observe their own behavior in kindergarten, they will notice that teachers usually help children who fall, so when they see someone fall, they will imitate and help. For another example, many children like to press the elevator button. Take the initiative to help hold down the elevator door switch button as soon as you enter the elevator. This behavior also stems from children's own love for elevators, observing the behavior of adults pressing buttons. After imitating learning, you find that you can do it yourself, so that people who get in and out of the elevator will not be caught by the door, so you are willing to take the initiative to help. Psychologist Wang explained: "It is more effective to make children care and serve others, arouse children's interest and turn it into helping others. 」
Before children can empathize, they should first practice reading words and observing emotions, and understand whether other people's expressions are painful or sad, so that they can have the same reaction and take the initiative to care for and help people around them. For example, a child sees his classmate sitting quietly, not talking much, and no one to play with him. His classmate not only has no smile on his face, but also has a drooping mouth. Even if the classmate doesn't talk, the child can detect that he is unhappy and guess that he may be sad. If he can empathize with the other person's feelings, he will further accompany and pay attention.
Life education begins with the example of parents. Don't let him grow up without love in the child's growth stage, especially in infancy. If he is rarely held in the arms of adults, or if he is hungry, sleepy or uncomfortable, he will cry. If he is not taken good care of, or grew up in a family life where parents often quarrel, the child lacks the experience of being loved and comforted, and it is difficult to have the ability to love without establishing interpersonal relationships of mutual love and trust.
For infants, crying is the only way to express their needs and ask for love. When parents are busy and temporarily ignore them, children can't feel the temperature of physical contact, their mother's heartbeat, their father's breath, and they can't gain a sense of trust and belonging because of hugs. On the contrary, children will have distrust, doubt and distance. Because I didn't get enough love, I didn't have the ability to give love. Some children even have violent behavior, because they have not learned how to interact with others correctly, so they have to use fierce attacks to achieve their goals.
While parents expect their children to have the ability to take care of themselves, they should also improve their children's same ability. As psychologist Wang said, "If children want to manage their emotions well, parents must first control their emotions, so that children can do it. Similarly, if a child has never been truly loved and cared for, abandoned by his parents since childhood, or neglected by his parents, and the child has never felt what it means to be a mother, a father and a family, then the child can only treat others in an indifferent way. Because children need to learn how to love, whether they are lovers or lovers. 」
Life education, starting from the example of parents, skills and children's death theory should not be taboo topics at home. Talking about life and death calmly with children can start with the falling of a leaf, so that children can understand that life will eventually disappear. What is important is how to grasp the time together now and cherish the common memories.
1. Thinking from the story, children before primary school are not good at talking. If they suddenly want to discuss the real situation of losing pets, relatives and friends leaving for a long time or the death of their elders, it is difficult for children to understand immediately. Parents can let their children feel the emotion of where you are going through picture books or movies and other people's stories, and then talk about the meaning of life. Wang's psychiatrist took an Iranian film "The Heart of a Child in Heaven" as an example. In the film, the chicken raised by the protagonist is sick, and the medical expenses for treating the chicken far exceed the cost of buying a healthy chicken. The protagonist's parents urged her to give up, preferring to buy her a new one, even the veterinarian disdained to treat it, but the protagonist insisted on keeping it, taking care of it all the time and not abandoning it casually!
2. Parents who use dolls or pets as media can also play imaginary games with their children's favorite dolls to simulate what their children should do next when they are sick and die. How do you feel in your heart? Some parents hope that by keeping pets, their children can really experience the process of taking care of life and understand the value of life. If so, parents should first make it clear to their children who should take care of their pets, children, parents or both. Let children not only have emotional sustenance, but also have emotional connection caused by feeding and playing, and also establish a sense of responsibility for life.
3. Start from the things around you. When the children are older and can communicate in language, they can have a more in-depth talk about death and learn more about the handling process after death. Wang Jian, a psychologist, suggested that when parents are in Tomb-Sweeping Day, they can share the past with their children, with their deceased relatives, or discuss with their children the photos of their elders hanging on the wall: What will happen after death? Where will the elders continue to live? Will you come back to care for the younger generation? Or just leave a photo as a souvenir. Parents can listen to their children's thoughts and understand their definition of death.
4. Avoid wrong connections. I'm afraid the niece of psychologist Wang died of terminal cancer in the Mid-Autumn Festival this year. Prior to this, he specially arranged a trip to visit his niece in Hsinchu, the last stop of a routine family tour around the island in the summer vacation. He said: "This stop not only allows me to face the fact that my niece is coming to the end of her life, but also allows the whole family to share their courage and complicated feelings in the face of terminal cancer and elder sister on the way back. And the children also know that the big sister is dying. After my niece dies, I will share the farewell message with my children. After attending the farewell party, the children are also very concerned about my emotional feelings and learn how to adjust my emotions. 」
Parents should pay attention not to associate life and death with ghosts, otherwise children will be afraid of death, or because of taboos, children are not allowed to talk about death. This will make children feel that death is a taboo topic and should not be mentioned or thought about.
Life education should start from the example of parents and do more. In order to let children know and respect different lives, parents can also take their children to volunteer in institutions on a regular basis, but both parents and children should be prepared first, because volunteers are not just visiting, but serving others. Let children know that in addition to receiving training, they should also understand the nature of the organization and the characteristics of the clients. Don't hurt the client because the child doesn't understand.
If the child is not old enough to volunteer, parents can volunteer themselves and share their experiences with their children, or donate invoices with their children at ordinary times, telling them where the invoices are going and how to use them, so that they can know what impact their actions will have. Don't forget, parents' role models are far greater than verbal reminders. When children see that their parents will take the initiative to help the injured and help push the wheelchair, they will keep it in mind silently and learn their parents' attitude towards others. If you want your child to be a person who can care about others and the world, parents should not just "talk", please "do" more!
Wang Education: Master Experience: Department of Family Studies and Child Development, Shih Chien University; Part-time lecturer, Department of Child Care, School of Economics, Management and Health; Clinical psychologist, Department of Rehabilitation Medicine, Zhenxing Rehabilitation Medical Center; Consultant of Hyperactivity Children Association of National Army 802 General Hospital; Current position: Director of Wang Psychotherapy Institute, clinical psychologist.