First, both parents have the same view and handle it in the same way. Some parents often have the same views and attitudes when educating their children. They love when they love and scold when they scold. For example, if a child makes a mistake and both parents think that the child is wrong, they will scold and beat the child together, just like treating the enemy. This seems to be a tacit understanding between husband and wife and a consensus has been reached. In fact, this kind of education is very inappropriate, and it is easy for children to feel the ruthlessness of their parents, resulting in disappointment and rebellious psychology.
A two-pronged approach by tiger parents will only make children suffer a double blow. In the long run, children will be afraid or even disgusted with home, and they will resist at the thought of going home. Because, children will feel that their parents don't understand themselves at all, and they will always be at home alone, and their parents are all in the same group, and no one will stand on his side to speak for him. When the child made a mistake, the father severely criticized and even took necessary punishment measures to make the child realize the mistake and learn from it. Then, on the premise of affirming the father's practice, the mother must analyze the child's fault with a gentler attitude and analyze the reasons why the father did so. It not only coordinates the father-son relationship, but also soothes the child's mind. When parents educate their children, they should let them feel the majesty of their parents, realize their mistakes and let them feel the warmth of their families.
Second, both parents have the same view, but different attitudes. In a TV series, the child always loses food when eating, and the father accuses the child. The child didn't say anything at first, and the father kept nagging, so the child left the table impatiently. This move completely caused the father's great anger and even hit the child; The mother is very protective of the child. Although she felt that the child was at fault, she felt that her father had gone too far and would not do so, so she beat her father again. In the play, the father beats his son and the mother beats his father. The scene was once chaotic, and the audience looked a little funny, but it also exposed many problems of family education for children.
Although the parents here are not a tiger mother's education, we will find that two extreme words are not good for educating children. Fathers are too strict with children, and mothers spoil them too much. Finally, educating children has become an argument between parents. Father blames mother, loving mother loses more children; Mothers blame their fathers and only know how to educate their children by violence. Everyone knows that the other party is not doing well, but they don't admit that their methods are not good. On the contrary, the father is too gentle and the mother is too strong, and the result is the same.
The key to educating children is that parents should cooperate with each other, but I'm afraid not all parents know how to cooperate. So, how should mom and dad cooperate?
First of all, the combination of seriousness and gentleness, strictness and clarity, and cold and hot conversion. There are many such families now: one parent is very strict with children, even to a harsh degree; On the other hand, it may be to make up for the children and love them very much. Some parents think that this kind of pet has strict requirements, clear thinking and close cooperation. In fact, this is also an inappropriate educational method.
On the issue of love and strictness for children, both parents can focus on each other, but they can't be hot and cold, and they can't be strict enough to spoil the end. Being too strict and pampered is not appropriate in itself. If one parent is always severe and excessive, the other parent is always spoiled; Or one side has been beating and cursing, and the other side has been protecting. In the long run, it will not only directly affect the feelings between children and parents, but also let children learn to deal with their parents with a set of two-faced tactics.
The real close cooperation should be: one side is strict and cold, the other side is wide and hot, but the strict and cold side sometimes shows tolerance and mild heat, prefers the hot side, and sometimes has cold and heavy cold treatment. In this way, children can get warmth and lessons from their parents, and only in this way can parents be complete in front of their children and establish real prestige.
Secondly, comprehensive understanding focuses on impartiality. Some parents think that it is close cooperation to take care of their children's learning and their lives; Some parents think that it is easy to have conflicts when everyone is teaching together, and it is better to be in charge of one person, or the father is in charge of his son and the mother is in charge of his daughter. When I was a child, my mother was in charge; After reading it, dad is in charge. This kind of education seems to cooperate, but it is not.
Its disadvantage is that it cannot fully understand children, which is not conducive to family cohesion. Children's performance is often interrelated, and learning and life cannot be completely separated. If a father only knows one side of learning and not one side of life, he is likely to be misled by not knowing the truth. On the contrary, so does the mother. In addition, if the parents are in charge of the children, the children may be very close to their father or mother, and still think that the father or mother does not love themselves but only loves another brother or sister.
Educating children is never just a mother's business, nor can it rely solely on dad, but the common responsibility and obligation of both parents. We can't deny any party's efforts and efforts in educating children; You can't completely quit your child's education because one party can't manage it well. Whatever the reason, parents should actively participate in their children's education, perform their duties and play their role.
When educating children, parents should communicate more and coordinate more, and jointly seek suitable countermeasures. In addition, when one spouse is in charge of the child, the other spouse needs to mediate the relationship with the child for the other spouse, instead of denying the relationship between either spouse and the child. Educating children, parents are each other's partners and partners. Betrayal by either party is not only bad for educating children, but also brings problems to the relationship between husband and wife.