Text: Xiang Ma
Mother Fan Xiong is the mother of a fourth-grade child and a Sina blogger. I wonder when we became good friends. Whenever she is confused or confused when accompanying and educating her children, she will talk to me and listen to my advice.
As soon as I opened QQ this morning, she came to me: "Xiangma, fans are always in a state recently, which really doesn't make people worry!" I was busy asking how it was going. She replied, "1, I always go to eat snacks with my tutor's children, but I can't eat any more when I get home." 2. I always don't want to do my homework, so now I often do my homework at night 10. 3, the total score of the class, the teacher complained. "
From what she said, let me analyze it word by word: the problem has been divided into three points: 1, 2, and 3, which shows that these States have not happened in a day or two, but have been going on for some time; At 3 o'clock, she used the word total, indicating that these problems happen almost every day, which has made her very upset, impatient and even anxious.
I first noticed the word' mentor' in the first point she mentioned. Is it to put fans in a custody class to do their homework? Q, it happened. Mother Fan Xiong said: "Because my father and I are far from home to work, it takes about an hour to go back and forth." Fan Xiong has been attending a trusteeship class at noon since his first grade. After dinner, he sometimes plays with his classmates and sometimes reads books. He/kloc-goes to bed at 0/2: 45, eats snacks after sleep, and goes to school at 2: 00. After school at 5 pm, Fan Xiong still works in the trusteeship class first. His father will pick him up when he comes home from work. He will stay in the trusteeship class for more than an hour. This time, I hope he can finish his homework carefully, but the problem lies in this more than an hour. "
After listening to mother Fan's explanation, I probably understood the difficulty of sending her to the trusteeship class. Because it takes more than an hour to go back and forth at noon, it is inevitable that it is unrealistic to go home and take care of the children. Moreover, it is relatively simple to put it in the custody class at noon, which can ensure that there is food and a nap. The purpose of the afternoon nursing class is to make him hurry up and do his homework for more than an hour, so that when he gets home, his homework can be relatively relaxed.
I asked my mother how long it would take to walk from home to school. My mother said, "About 20 minutes. I have to cross several roads. I don't trust him to go home by himself, but he always clamors to go home by himself. "
I said to my mother, "For children with poor self-control, it is impossible to have efficient homework by putting them in a custody class, because they are easily influenced by other children." Look at the three points you listed, most of which are caused by the homework of the custody class. Look at the first point first. You always eat snacks with your tutor's children. How can you concentrate on your homework once you eat snacks? If you can't concentrate on your homework, you will have to be trained when you go home, or the custody class will be trained by the teacher. I was afraid at first, but later I preached more, and people inevitably had resistance. How can I be interested in learning? If you are not interested in a thing, how can you study seriously and intently, so there are the second and third problems. My suggestion is to let the fans go home from school in the afternoon as much as possible and stipulate that they should do their homework during this time. This can exercise the child's ability to go home by himself, and can also exercise his ability to slowly learn to arrange his own time. "
Then I told mother Fan that Xiang had no time since the first grade, so he walked home by himself. After the fourth grade, I didn't pick him up even if I was free. It takes about 20 minutes to walk from Xiang's school to my home, and it takes several walks. From the sixth grade, even on weekends, he was allowed to go to interest classes by bike. Our parents worry about this and that every day. When can children really learn to grow up and learn to stand on their own feet?
After listening to my words, my mother Fan Xiong said that she would go home and discuss with her father, Fan Xiong, to see if he could walk home by himself at night and not send him to the trusteeship class. Later, because of something, I didn't go into it.
These days, I have been thinking about the advantages and disadvantages of putting children in a custody class. Why did you put your children in a care class? I think there are three kinds of parents: 1. Like a bear-obsessed family, mom and dad are very busy and have no time to take care of their children. For the sake of safety and peace of mind, it is also a helpless move to put children in a custody class. Parents don't have enough ability to help their children with their homework. There is no way to help children do homework that they don't understand. Parents pay special attention to their children's learning and want to spend some money to ask professional teachers to help their children make up shortcomings. This is also a helpless move. 3. Typical parents who spend money to buy peace of mind, or feel that money is the boss and have money to do anything, generally have good family conditions. He (she) is not incompetent, let alone time. He (she) may be a person with a very high degree of education and may have a lot of time. However, he or she spends a lot of time and energy on communication or self-enjoyment. He or she never thought about taking care of the children's study and education by himself or herself. He (she) thinks that if he spends a lot of money to send his children to a good school or a good care class, everything will be fine and he has fulfilled his parents' responsibilities and obligations.
I can't think of a year, whether it's helpless parents or parents who spend money to buy peace of mind. They will probably find that the effect of putting children in the custody class is not very good, and even there will be various degrees of situation. Why is this? I believe many parents must be very confused.
Why is this? I think everyone understands the purpose of the trusteeship class. Why do you want to set up a custody class? The purpose of their hosting classes is nothing more than to earn fees. They are institutions created in response to market demand (the above three parents). Then, the trusteeship class with the purpose of making money is of course to maximize the benefits, and the more people you receive, the better. In the actual supervision, their first concern is safety, to ensure the safety of children, until the parents come to pick up the children, and then they can monitor the homework problems. Therefore, how can such an institution, like our parents, enhance children's interest in learning and supervise their homework with good quality and quantity?
There are still several problems that restrict children's interest, attention and efficiency in studying and homework in the custody class. First of all, as I mentioned just now, it is impossible for a care class with the purpose of making money to target only one child. It must be that the more people, the greater his income. Think about it. A dozen or twenty people stay in one space, and one or two teachers supervise the homework. You can imagine what will happen. A friend's house next door opened a homework care class. In a room of less than 20 square meters, there are more than 20 children and only one teacher is in charge. The scene was so noisy, with the children's slapstick and the teacher's roar. In such an environment, how can you let the children calm down and concentrate on finishing their homework? Secondly, the children here, can you guarantee that all the children's family education is perfect? Who can guarantee that he won't bring anything to eat or play in the trusteeship class? You can guarantee that your children who are still in primary school will not be influenced and tempted by them. Moreover, few children are interested in doing homework. The teacher in the trusteeship class has to supervise more than one child, so it is impossible for him to know clearly how much homework each child has. Then, children as clever as monkeys come one after another, and it is normal to hide one or two homework that you really don't want to do or that the teacher won't check.
Anyway, whether the teachers and children's learning efficiency and effect are good or bad is not their greatest concern. They just want to make more money on the premise of ensuring the safety of their children.
The three kinds of parents who put their children in the custody class, except the first kind, can't take care of their children in time. In order to let the children have a place to stay and reassure their parents, they have to choose their helpless parents to send them to the custody class. Another kind of parents, it can be said that their focus is only on completing homework. As for their children's interest in learning, their emotions in the process of homework, they have never thought about it, nor have they thought about it. However, these two kinds of parents are wrong in concept. At that time, in the process of children's growth and learning, whether the homework was completed in place and whether the results were top-notch was not the most important. The most important thing is to guide children's interest in learning, and then explore and cultivate children's good study habits, so that they can seek suitable learning methods in good habits. This can't be done in a day or two, nor can it simply be done by putting children in a custody class. This requires our parents to calm down and accompany their children to grow up and study together, and educate and guide them in the process of companionship and in the dribs and drabs of life and study.
For example, in my previous blog post "Dialogue Triggered by Reciting Texts", I wrote that Xiang had some thoughts and feelings about reciting the text "Serving the People" and felt that reciting the lecture notes was meaningless. If I put the item in the custody class to do my homework, there may be two possible emotions: one is because I don't want to recite it, I feel that it is meaningless to recite it, and I am lucky that the teacher may not spot-check him among 6 1 students in the class, so I hide my homework and take the method of not reciting it. The second kind is to memorize in order to finish the homework, without paying attention to the background and wonderful content of this article. These two States are very bad, so how can we make him full of interest and passion for learning? How can it lead to such a result? That day, after our conversation, I summed up passionately: "Mom, tonight's chat is more useful to me than reciting several textbooks. It solves the problem of why I have to recite the text, and also helps me to establish that I should not think and look at the problem excessively, but should fully understand and think." It also made me understand the relationship between roots and roots. The root is the cause and cause of a thing, but the root is the development process of things. Just like the roots and leaves of plants, plants can't grow and survive without roots, and they can survive without leaves. Therefore, instead of complaining blindly, it is better to change your own shortcomings and improve your ability. Mom, you are not only my mother, but also my friend and teacher. " It can be seen from Xiang's concluding speech that the evening conversation not only solved his doubts, but also guided his ability to think and deal with problems. It is particularly worth mentioning that in such exchanges and communication, we hinted at a very good parent-child relationship. I don't think you can buy these things at any cost, let alone a profitable trusteeship class.
As for the first kind of parents, I understand their bitterness and helplessness in doing so. Today, when I wrote this blog, I specially asked Mama Bear to find out about the situation. She said to me: "I went home and discussed it with my father, but my father didn't agree because he wasn't worried about the safety of his fans going home." Then he said to me, "I gradually calmed down." I chatted with him, and he thought it was still before dawn when he went to tutor, so he wanted to play with his classmates (just catching puzzles in the tutor club or something) and then go home and do his homework without company. I agreed, but on the condition that I do my homework immediately after I go home and continue to do my homework after dinner. You can't watch TV until your homework is finished, otherwise it will be too late, and he agreed. "
This is really a very good way to deal with it. I appreciated and affirmed the practice of mother bear Fan, and said to her, "You must never attribute all your children's problems and faults to your children's responsibilities." For example, almost all of the three situations that you mentioned about being a bear fan were caused by being sent to a custody class. Going to a custody class is not his choice, but your helpless choice. Then, when a child has any problems in the custody class because of his homework, you must first find ways to help him solve them and deal with them together, and you must first help him find ways to solve and deal with these problems from the perspective of understanding and tolerance. As you said just now, because he can't concentrate on his homework for more than an hour in the trusteeship class, and where you have to put him, let him enjoy himself and wait until he gets home to do his homework. You must be clear about the purpose of putting the fans in the custody class, because you can't take care of the fans in time. The purpose of putting him in the custody class is to have a place to eat at noon and let him sleep peacefully until you pick him up in the afternoon. Then this main purpose has been achieved, and everything else can be compromised. He also wants to study hard and manage himself well, but he is still a child. Children's nature is to play, and they can be unscrupulous when playing. For more than an hour in the afternoon, he was affected and couldn't concentrate on his homework. He had to do it according to your requirements. This is useless. It is better to let him have enough fun, go home and let him manage himself and concentrate on his studies and homework. We understand children and tolerate them. After children get our understanding and tolerance, they will repay us with actions. But the condition for us to understand and tolerate children is: when we get home, we should concentrate all our energy on homework and study. In the state of understanding and tolerating the child, I believe he will also agree to our conditions and try his best to do well. "
Mother Fan Xiong replied, "Yes, I never asked my tutor to take charge of my homework. I always check my homework by myself, but my child's environment there is very complicated, and everything he learns is good and bad. So I paid special attention to it this semester, hoping it would help him learn to distinguish right from wrong as soon as possible. "
I said, "Yes, of course, we should pay attention to his dynamics and thoughts, because his good habits or bad habits are not formed in a day or two." At this time, we must be more patient, find out the situation and communicate in time. However, in the trusteeship class, you must make it clear to him that your bottom line is the things that he can never do, so that he can know fairly well. When he did these things, he was afraid to do them. "
I sincerely hope that with the help and understanding of mom and dad, our Fan Xiao Bao Bei can improve these three conditions and become interested and enthusiastic about learning.
Can parents really put their children in a care class for whatever reason? In all kinds of situations of children, have you ever thought about your own problems, or will you just blame your children for being ignorant and disobedient?