When it comes to "free-range" in our mind, it means not to restrain children, let them develop freely, grow up freely and happily, and don't let their parents interfere in their thoughts. In fact, when we first came into contact with "free range", our first reaction was that this kind of education was very good. I think when we were young, our parents were strict with us, which really hindered the growth of many abilities. I think it would be nice if we were educated like this when we were young!
In fact, this is only a contrast with our childhood education, or a sharp contrast with the traditional education methods in China. Moreover, the "free-range" education method gives us a feeling of more respect for children, and also allows children to have many opportunities to exercise their abilities in the process of self-growth, so it will be accepted by so many parents. After the popularity of "free-range", we often see many educational articles on the internet about the destruction of "free-range" on children, which makes us very confused and difficult to distinguish. Is "free range" right or wrong? Is "free range" good or bad?
Actually, I have different views on this topic. I don't agree that "free range" is not good, and I don't agree that "free range" must be good. You may be confused, so how to educate! Don't worry, I'll explain it to you slowly.
In fact, we really can't say whether "free-range" is good or bad. Not only this kind of education, but any kind of education has advantages and disadvantages. I like China's gossip very much. After careful analysis, you will find that everything in the world has advantages and disadvantages, depending on which angle you stand to see the problem and think about it!
So any education needs to grasp a degree. This education degree is like a rubber band. If it is too loose, it loses its meaning. If it is too tight, it will break easily. If it is moderate, it will be more comfortable and lasting! So how do we grasp this degree? At this time, we need to have some long-term vision when cultivating children, that is, the educational concept.
Think about it first. What kind of person do you want your children to be in the future? So what are the advantages and temperament of the kind of people you want, parents and children? What is missing? With goals, we can have the direction of education, and then parents and children grow up together and change together.
Here, I would like to introduce five kinds of education methods in family education. Parents can also look at themselves. What type do they belong to? At the same time, through these kinds of education, I explain their advantages and disadvantages to parents and analyze them slowly, which can help parents understand "free-range" more easily and comprehensively.
1, tiger type
This kind of parent is compulsory. No matter what their children think, they will listen to their parents. Now many parents educate their children in this way!
Advantages and disadvantages:
The advantages are: parents are very concerned about the cultivation of children's rules and pay attention to being neat and decisive.
Disadvantages are: too strict with children, regardless of children's inner feelings, so that children do not know why they should do what their parents ask, and what children do is not easy for parents to understand. Because children are often not understood, the communication between children and parents is broken, and children are prone to resentment. In the future, children will not communicate with their parents, which is very unfavorable to parent-child relationship!
2, ostrich type
This kind of parents will feel that their children are still young, do not need to have a general understanding with their children, and often do not respond to their bad emotions or conditions. Parents usually ignore it, which is what we call "cold treatment"
Advantages and disadvantages:
The advantage is that once a child gets a cold shoulder, sometimes he will forget his unhappiness and stop crying and being willful. Appropriate cold treatment will solve the bad situation that children deliberately attract parents' attention, or some repeated unreasonable troubles.
The disadvantage is that if the cold treatment is used improperly and unreasonably, it will make children feel that their parents don't care about their emotions, and it will also make children feel that their parents don't love themselves enough. It may even lead children to ignore their inner emotions. Over time, when children grow up, it is easy to become people who always care about others and ignore their emotions.
3. Sheep type
This kind of parents are child-centered, giving whatever they want, and can't see the slightest injustice or unhappiness of their children. Many parents are like this. As long as the children want it, they will buy it for them no matter whether there is a mountain of things at home. Is it easy for us to think of "doting"?
Advantages and disadvantages:
The advantage is that as long as children have ideas, parents can satisfy them, and children can feel their parents' full intentions and deep love for their children.
The disadvantage is that this way is too fond of children and can be equated with "doting"! It will make children lack self-control and form an impatient character. As long as it is what you want, you will get it soon. Children will think that parents should meet their own requirements and don't know the truth of getting things through hard work. This is also an important reason why many parents have paid a lot, but they can't get their children's gratitude.
4. Kangaroo type
This kind of parents often show that they understand the child's heart and accept the child's emotions when the child has a situation or emotion, but then they will not help guide the child's aftermath, will not deal with and smooth the emotions that the child has already generated, and lack educational methods for the situation that the child has already appeared.
The advantage is that parents can easily understand their children's inner feelings and know how to put themselves in their children's shoes. Just like kangaroos, children and parents see the same direction, so parents can easily observe their children's emotional changes.
The disadvantage is that although I have observed the children's emotional changes and understood and accepted their emotions, I don't know how to deal with their bad emotions and how to enlighten their thoughts.
It is important to know that when a child has an emotion or a certain situation, although the child has been understood, the child's follow-up appeasement and guidance work is very important for the child's ability to control emotions and grow up. Not doing well is not conducive to cultivating children's emotional control ability, and children's current problems will not be solved, and the same problems will appear in the future.
In fact, the above four are not very good, each has its own advantages and disadvantages. The kangaroo type is better, but it is not so perfect because of the poor follow-up education for children. But the above four types of parents are really common around us. I believe you have thought of which neighbor or friend's parent you are!
In addition to the above four types, there is another type of parents, which has done a very good job in educating and guiding children, caring for their hearts or emotions, establishing rules, and giving them freedom. This type is: shepherd parents.
This type of parents, like sheepdogs, are very concerned about the growth path of sheep (children), always do a good job in guiding sheep (children), prevent sheep (children) from deviating from the growth path to produce dangerous or unfavorable things, protect sheep (children) from growing and playing freely in designated areas, and do not interfere with sheep (children) in the area, so that children's abilities can be fully exercised.
In fact, isn't this what we call "free range"? Parents are not sure about the extent of "free range" because they don't know how to make this circle for their children. This circle is the "rule" in education. We should not only let children grow up happily and freely, but also set rules for their survival in this society.
When we educate our children, we always want to indulge them at will without making any rules. This is a lot easier for parents, and we don't need to supervise the rules of children, which saves the time of supervision, but it will be very unfavorable to the growth and education of children. When you find that your children have problems, it will be very difficult even if you increase the supervision time by dozens or even hundreds of times to correct their problems!
Why do you have to set certain rules? It is easy to understand that wherever you go, this society has its own rules. This society is not your home, and parents can't make decisions. Children who are "free-range" in an irregular environment will become unscrupulous, have no habit of obeying rules, and lose the ability to adapt to rules. When the child is older, you will find that the child will continue to encounter various problems, and the child will lose the love and support of others and lose more abilities and opportunities.