In fact, sometimes, it is not just the act of hitting children that is a manifestation of violence. In life, some "cold treatment" ways of parents can also hurt children's hearts, which is also called "cold violence".
What are the manifestations of parents' "cold violence"?
? You play with your toys and I play with your mobile phone.
A male friend of mine complained to me that his experience with children at home made him feel like a failure. He obviously spends time with his children, but they still don't get close to him.
When I know how he gets along with children, I can only say that it is no accident that children are not close to him.
His so-called time with children is just for them to play in the living room. He is lying on the sofa next to him playing with his mobile phone. He doesn't take the initiative to talk to children at all. Even if children want something from him, he has no patience.
Ignoring children's parents like this will make them feel unloved. Such a situation will naturally hit their hearts, and it is also a kind of "cold violence" for children.
? Be cynical or indifferent to children who make mistakes.
No parents can guarantee that their children will never make mistakes, but in the face of children who make mistakes, different ways of parents will bring different feelings to their children.
Some parents take themselves as the standard and think that their children should not make mistakes in some things, but they have made mistakes. They are cynical about their children, calling them "deserved it" and "are you stupid", or, because they are too angry, they leave them alone, think about their mistakes and ignore them.
This treatment will not only make children realize their mistakes, but also make them feel that they have made a "big mistake" and will not be forgiven.
Parents' cynicism and indifference are too much, which can easily make children think and do great harm to their hearts. Such "cold treatment" is undoubtedly a kind of "cold violence" to children.
? When dealing with children, I can only say "I know"
The famous director Jiang Wen talked about his mother and said that he had a bad relationship with her. When she presented the letter of admission, her mother just said "I know" indifferently, which made Jiang Wen begin to question herself and think about how she could be recognized by her mother.
A perfunctory attitude will douse children's enthusiasm and passion, and even make their hearts suffer a lifelong blow. This way is not only irresponsible to children, but also like "cold violence", which will hurt children's hearts and even block their inner world.
The contradiction between parents will definitely involve children.
There will inevitably be contradictions in life. If there are contradictions between parents, the only way to solve them is to quarrel, which is very unfair to children. Originally, the child was innocent, but he had to witness his parents quarreling. Even when children comfort their parents, they should accept the sentence "Leave me alone, it's all because of you". ...
The child's inner world is very fragile. Sometimes parents' unconscious angry words will make children particularly sensitive. In the world where parents quarrel, children are always the most innocent and wronged, and what they feel is the harm caused by their parents' language.
The harm caused by these unconscious "cold violence" to children is probably what parents don't want to see. After all, children are brought into this world by us, and we should let them feel love, not violence.
How should parents avoid cold violence?
First of all, learning to control your emotions is a necessary ability for your father.
There is a saying in the science of success, "If an adult can't even control his emotions well, it is basically difficult to achieve great success."
In fact, it's not just a regret of achievement. If their emotions are not well controlled, they will get along with their children in a tense state. Moreover, it is easy to make children's emotions deviate, leading to children's emotional out of control and affecting the formation of children's healthy personality.
Parents learn to control their emotions, which is conducive to communication with their children and can set an example for them. It's a kill two birds with one stone solution.
Secondly, parents should do a good job of self-reflection.
No one's behavior is perfect and decent. Even great saints have the habit of "introspection in three provinces". As the parents of ordinary people, we should learn to reflect on ourselves on the road of educating our children.
Think about whether your handling method is appropriate, think about how the child will feel after getting his own response, and whether he has made some "unreasonable" behaviors to the child, predict his behavior in advance, correct it afterwards, and avoid too much "cold violence".
Third, it is important to communicate with children in time.
Effective communication is the best way to solve problems.
After the child makes a mistake, parents should analyze the reasons for the mistake with the child in time. When the child needs help, even if the ability is not enough, he should respond to the child in time. ...
Parents should not always ask their children as parents, but should communicate with their children as friends. That kind of company is the most effective.
Then, use your patience to repair your child's broken heart.
Sometimes, parents may hurt their children unconsciously. The most obvious performance is that children begin to alienate their parents and become silent.
This requires parents to patiently observe the details of their children's lives and compare their daily performance. If the child does have an abnormal reaction, parents need to communicate with the child patiently, carefully understand the child's thoughts, admit their harm to the child, and help the child to restore a healthy state of mind in time after making an appropriate apology.
Finally, careful company is the most perfect long-term confession.
People who care and people who don't care naturally do different things.
When treating children, parents should not be perfunctory, ignore them, play with them and study with them. Only by being careful can parents truly express their love, and naturally there will be no cold violence. Therefore, careful companionship is the most perfect long-term confession.
Parents can be careful when raising their children; Parents can be careful when they are accompanied by children; Parents can pay more attention to educating their children, so the children educated by such parents must be children surrounded by love and full of love in their hearts.