0~ 18 years old is the golden age of children's rapid growth, and it is also the period when parents spend the longest time and worry the most. During this period, through the joint training of family education and school education, children move from immature to mature, from weak to strong, from convergence to expansion.

Below, I will analyze them one by one. It should be noted that the age division of each key period below is not absolute, there must be exceptions, but on the whole, this division is scientific and reasonable.

The generation of children's emotional attachment and the acquisition of security are the two core elements that parents need to grasp first.

In the process of children's growth, especially adolescence, whether children are disobedient and respect their parents depends mainly on whether children can have emotional attachment at this period and whether they can "coax when they cry, hug when they are afraid, and be satisfied immediately when they are hungry". Once children have emotional attachment in this period, they have the psychology of convergence and belonging.

Professor Li Meijin pointed out: "Emotional attachment is the foundation of education and the source of children's willingness to listen to teaching."

Once children have emotional attachment, they gain a sense of security.

So, how should parents cultivate their children's attachment? Professor Li Meijin suggested: "Children must be taken care of by their parents themselves!" (mainly refers to having time with children every day) This is a necessary condition for cultivating children's attachment.

Nowadays, due to the pressure of professional competition, parents often leave their children with their elders or nannies. If the elders have time, they are very willing to bring it; If the elders don't have time, the young couple often ask the nanny to take care of the children, and even let the children sleep with their aunts at night.

However, in either case, if the parents are at arm's length with their children, it will easily lead to the lack of attachment training for their parents and make them feel insecure. Especially the so-called "left-behind children", whose parents work in other places and seldom come back for reunion once or twice a year, let alone their attachment to their parents, thus laying a series of emotional hidden dangers for their growth.

It should be noted that "children are brought up by parents themselves" is only a necessary condition for cultivating children's emotional attachment, not a sufficient condition. In order to make this condition both sufficient and necessary, parents need to pay attention to the ways and means when raising their children, which requires parents to carry out personalized exploration according to the characteristics of their children, and the way to avoid it is intimidation or abuse.

As the saying goes, "Habit determines character, and character determines success or failure". Good behavior habits are the foundation of children's career success, and 3~6 years old is the key period for children to develop good habits.

Professor Li Meijin told us: "Before the age of six, parents' nagging and words were all gold. After twelve years old, parents' words are rubbish. "

Although this sentence is absolute, it can be said from the mouth of a child psychologist, which shows the extreme importance of parents setting an example in this period.

Parents who have raised children must have had such an experience: before the age of six, children's imitation ability is particularly strong, not only in behavior, but also in language with parents. Therefore, parents should fully understand their children's growth characteristics during this period, consciously demonstrate their words and deeds, correct their bad behavior habits, and promote the development of their good habits.

Professor Li Meijin further pointed out: "Excellent quality and good habits are not innate, but rooted in family and parents." "Only excellent quality and good habits will have the power to run through time, affecting children's behavior over the years and determining the ultimate success or failure."

Yes! We can't praise the importance of cultivating children's good behavior habits too much, but 3-6 years old is a critical period for development. If we miss this critical period, the cultivation of good habits will be "half the effort", and even because we have developed bad behavior habits, we cannot change them.

Under normal circumstances, children begin to study in primary school after they reach the age of six. In the process of children's primary school study, in the process of communicating with classmates and teachers, the awakening of self-worth begins to accelerate, their competitiveness becomes stronger and stronger, and there will be more and more setbacks. What should our parents do at this time?

First of all, parents need to understand that the ruler is short and the inch is long. Every child has his own advantages and strong points. If we tap or awaken children's strengths and weaknesses and let them realize their own strengths and weaknesses, then children's self-value orientation will have a foundation. This is one of the important tasks of family education.

How to awaken children's strength? The usual practice is to try, that is, "try" (try! Try it! Parents can encourage their children to make all-round attempts on the premise of ensuring safety.

In fact, the child's trial experience has started since the day of birth, but the trial experience in this period is more valuable to awaken self-awareness, which is more conducive to the child's positioning of self-worth and preparing for the subsequent career positioning.

For example, all subjects are studied at school, and through hard work, children and parents will have an experience; All kinds of sports, some are experienced at school, and some can be experienced by parents with their children, so as to get direct feelings; Housework and contact with natural animals and plants can all be experienced under the guidance of parents; The trial experience of high-tech products can also be carried out under the guidance of professionals.

In short, as long as children are interested, they can be encouraged to try boldly, and even if they are not interested, they can inspire and induce children's curiosity, and then have the desire to try.

In such a process of trying to experience, there may be some losses, such as: dismantling electronic products, unable to recover; Labor experience leads to injury or damage to articles. In this regard, parents should be psychologically prepared and calmly treat these losses.

Success and failure are the two main feelings that children get through experience, and they are the purpose of experience. Successful experience makes children gain a sense of accomplishment and enhance their self-confidence, and parents should give affirmation and encouragement in time; The experience of failure depressed the children. Continue to challenge or give up? At this time, parents' attitude is very important. Is it trust and encouragement or disappointment? This will directly affect the development of children's perseverance and character.

It should be reminded that in the process of trying, it is forbidden to compare children, especially to compare the "long" of other children with the "short" of their own children, which must be resolutely put an end to. Because the result of such comparison will often aggravate the frustration of children, and then produce inferiority complex.

After all, every child has different talents and superior intelligence. Even with the same efforts, sometimes the same result can't be achieved.

Nevertheless, parents still need to implement the concept of "go all out" to their children: go all out to learn every subject, go all out to complete the tasks assigned by the teacher, and go all out to do what the children choose to do. Only in this way can children truly understand their own advantages and disadvantages, and parents can accurately judge their children's advantages and disadvantages, and on this basis, implement the education of developing their strengths.

Professor Li Meijin pointed out: "Parents should identify their children's personalities and help them discover their abilities. This sense of value will form their self-orientation. " Never "force a child into a track that doesn't belong to him."

Yes! Children study mathematics very hard, but every exam is always between 80-90, and your requirement is 100; Every time a child draws a picture, he can always get the praise of the teacher and the envy of his classmates, but you feel useless. This attitude of parents is very harmful to children, and children's self-value orientation is easily misplaced.

"The affirmation and support of youth is the embryonic form of life value."

12~ 18 years old is a critical period for children to awaken their professional consciousness and locate their professional orientation, but our education often ignores this point and is basically diluted by the senior high school entrance examination and college entrance examination.

I often ask freshmen, "Have you chosen a major?" "What career do you want to pursue in the future?" "What is your career plan?" The answer is often: "I didn't choose it myself" or "I don't know".

When I went to college, I didn't even know what I wanted to do in the future, and I didn't even have a sense of professionalism. It is the failure of basic education in China!

According to the normal growth and development path of children, self-worth assessment should be carried out in primary school, and children should have a preliminary value judgment on their own advantages and disadvantages and build confidence in their superior intelligence. In the middle school stage, under the conscious guidance of teachers and parents, children's professional consciousness is awakened, and their professional tendency is gradually formed throughout the middle school stage.

Let's continue to strengthen our children's abilities and accompany them through these four critical periods.