How to raise children and make adults and children feel happy?
We interviewed 10 mothers and asked them to talk about the pits they stepped on in the process of educating their children. Each of them carefully reviewed their own experiences in educating their children and summed up their own parenting experience. We chose the ones that mothers mentioned most often.
If they can raise their children again, what won't they do?
I won't yell at my children. Before I became a mother, I thought I had a good temper. I don't know when I started to be grumpy. A little thing can make me make a hullabaloo about. Every time I lose my temper with my child, I regret it. I secretly made up my mind to control my temper, but I couldn't help shouting if I was not careful. Especially when I think he doesn't take my words seriously, the volume will increase unconsciously, and I want to calm him down and make him obedient with my own voice and tone.
But the effect is not ideal, and the mistakes made by children will still be repeated. My loud scolding can't help him correct his mistake. The relationship between children and me is getting more and more distant, and they are always timid and afraid to speak, and they are not as lively and smart as before. Seeing that my child is getting farther and farther away from my expectations, I realize that I only care about venting my emotions loudly, but I forget to consider my child's feelings. Shouting will only make children feel scared, and fear will make them unable to concentrate on listening to their parents, let alone thinking. Really effective communication is to express your feelings and opinions, so that children can clearly know where they are wrong and what the direction of their efforts is.
When a child feels that his mistakes can be accepted by his parents, he has the courage to face them and correct them. Persuasion is always more effective than shouting.
I will never compare my children with others.
I love my child very much, and I have been cultivating him with great care for his happy life in the future. When I see the ranking in his class at the parent-teacher meeting, I will ask my children to learn from the top students. Seeing that the child didn't do his homework the first time he came home, I would accuse him of not being conscious of his neighbor's children; When I am with my relatives during the Spring Festival, I can't help but criticize my own children when I look at their sensible children. I thought that children could make progress if they knew that they were not doing well, until one day he told me that since I am so bad and you don't love me at all, you should leave me alone in the future. Shakespeare said: "People who have no self-esteem are close to inferiority." Every time you compare your child with others, you are destroying your child's self-esteem.
Remind children of their shortcomings with the advantages of others, and every "incentive" is a denial of children. Children are increasingly inferior and dissatisfied with their parents in the comparison of "things are not as good as people"; Parents pay more and more attention to their children's shortcomings, fail to see their children's advantages, and become increasingly disappointed with their children. If I raise my children again, I will never make such a mistake again. It is unfair to compare the advantages and disadvantages of many children. No matter how good other children are, they won't call me mom, my child. He is unique and has many advantages, but I haven't found them before. The best way to cultivate children is to foster strengths and avoid weaknesses, and to bring their strengths into full play.
I will never use my standards to demand children.
For a long time, I was puzzled: I obviously did it for the good of my child, why didn't he appreciate it? Even often have conflicts with me. I asked him to do his homework when he came home from school, hoping that he would form good habits and play safely after finishing his homework. Asking him to read more books and play less mobile phones is also to let him master more useful knowledge and not lag behind others. I think these requirements are not difficult to achieve. Why can't children always do it? People have different feelings and experiences at every stage, and it is unfair to ask children by the standards of adults.
The same thing, when the child's mind does not reach the corresponding level, it is impossible to understand why parents have this requirement, and naturally it cannot be done.
Adults are always used to seeing the world from their own perspective, only sighing about their own difficulties, asking children to do things according to the standards of adults, and even asking children to do things they can't do. Looking back on my childhood, I hate the constraints and demands of my parents. How can I forget how I felt when I was a parent? If I can raise my children again, I will know how to look at problems from the perspective of children and make plans suitable for their physical and mental characteristics.
I won't just focus on my children's grades.
There is a watershed in my relationship with my children, which is going to school. Before school, the family was very harmonious. Even if the children were naughty sometimes, we still looked at them with a smile. At the beginning of school, especially after the third year of high school, the parent-child relationship has alienated me to an unacceptable degree. We have almost nothing to say except grades and homework. When it comes to study, both sides are in an unhappy state. I only look at my grades, but I can't see other advantages of my children, feel their joys and sorrows, and hear their needs. Although grades are important, grades are not everything to a child. I still hope that my child will get good grades in the exam, but only if the child grows up physically and mentally. Besides studying, I will cultivate him to have a hobby that can accompany him all his life and let him develop the habit of sports. I will also invite him to do housework with me and do something he likes together.
Besides studying, we can talk a lot and do many things that I haven't discovered before.
Once again, I will take good care of my children.
After entering junior high school, the child is obsessed with the mobile phone, as if it were his family, and what he often talks about is "Nobody loves me". At this time, I suddenly realized that I didn't accompany my child well when he was growing up, making him feel unloved. Accompaniment, parents and children are under the same roof every day, but it is not the same as companionship. Even if you are sitting next to your child, if you are still playing with your mobile phone or thinking about work, it is not an effective companion for your child. Children who grow up perfunctory will eventually react on our parents. Need to spend more time and energy with children and re-establish emotional ties. If I raise my children again, I will be there wholeheartedly and accompany them wholeheartedly.
More than half of the mothers mentioned it, but unfortunately, many things cannot be repeated. I hope you have no regrets after reading this article.