The so-called "Enrico's father" refers to the father of the protagonist in the book "Education of Love" that my child and I have just finished reading.
The Education of Love is a book written by Italian children's writer Armitage according to his son's diary. Try not to change his son's mind and keep his original words, also known as Diary of an Italian fourth-grade pupil.
In the form of a diary, this book tells in the first person the feelings of "I" (Enrico, a primary school student) and my whole school year (a total of 10 months) getting along with teachers and classmates inside and outside the school. It also includes letters written to him by parents and wonderful "monthly stories" that teachers lead students to read together.
In the process of reading this book with children, there are many plots that arouse our discussion and thinking, among which four things touch me the most:
Children's research experts at the gesell Institute for Human Development in the United States pointed out:
No matter how old a child is, his behavior is mainly influenced by three important factors:
1. Children's own basic personality characteristics;
2. The maturity of his growth and development;
3. The environment in which he grew up.
In the first 10 years of children's life, it can be said that the "surrounding environment" that has the greatest influence on their growth is the family rearing environment.
From the education of love, we can feel that parents can participate in the upbringing of their children, both from the father's strength demonstration and from the mother's delicate guidance, so that children can grow up better.
But in real life, "widowhood" and "feigning death" are a true portrayal of the absence of the role of "father" in many family education. In response to this phenomenon, Peking University psychology professor Wei Kunlin once said:
"Dad's participation in caring for children has a positive impact on children's social, behavioral, mental health and cognitive abilities. For example, dad's active parenting can reduce boys' adolescent behavior problems and girls' psychological problems, and also have a long-term positive impact on their academic performance. "
In "Education of Love", Enrico's father cares about his study, life and making friends, gives guidance and enlightenment by the experience of people he has experienced, and gives his son the best demonstration from the "three views" with actions.
For example, take Enrico to visit his teacher, and respect the teacher and the old man in action.
For example, a little mason visited Enrico's house, and the dust on his clothes stained Enrico's sofa. His father reminded Enrico not to bounce the dust off the sofa in front of the bricklayer, but to give his classmates due respect.
……
It is indispensable for a father to guide his children's growth. Just like the popular Looking Up, this is a movie dedicated to my father and about his love. It tells the story of how a father and son guard their love in time. In the film, the father left his son a good sentence: "Never stop thinking and never give up."
The most well-known negative example of father's absence is the growth of "Little Dragon Girl" Wu Zhuolin. In recent years, Wu Zhuolin has been on the hot search for many times because of his break with his mother and his outrageous behavior. His childhood and all kinds of deviant behaviors exposed to the media lens are complaining about the pain caused by his father's lack of parenting.
"Little Dragon Girl" once publicly asked for help on social platforms.
Judith Harris, a psychologist, pointed out in The Myth of Education that the social environment of peers is much more important than the family environment provided by parents in the external environment that determines children's personality.
A more intuitive example is observing immigrant families. You will find that many immigrants are not fluent in the local language, but their children can speak a standard local language. Do children learn more from their parents or from their peers?
"Education of Love" Enrico's growth is inseparable from the socialization with classmates, families and personalities from all walks of life. Among his friends, there are Hercules whom he admires and yearns for, such as garrone, a tall man who acts like a hero. Derossi, a perfect boy who often wins the first prize in his studies, is handsome, gentlemanly and kind-hearted; There is a pragmatic and capable son of a timber merchant, Korotti; Stati, who loves reading, has an iron will; There is a sincere and lovely Rabuke who likes to play with rabbit face. ...
Enrico's father is very supportive of his socializing with his classmates. From the reminder in his letter to Enrico, to the demonstration in his behavior, it is guiding him to resolve the contradiction with his classmates, win-win cooperation, and teach him to be kind to his friends and cherish friendship.
There used to be a proverb among African tribes: "It takes a village to train children". It refers to playing among children, visiting other people's homes and other social experiences that are very important for their growth.
From the age of 9, children will pay more and more attention to friendship, which is influenced by the small groups they belong to. In most cases, he can't help defining his behavior by referring to his peers, especially a group of peers in his small group.
Saint Amethyst has a proverb: "In the past, Meng Mu chose a neighbor." It is said that in order to provide a good learning environment for Mencius who was naughty as a child, Meng Mu moved twice and finally lived near the school. Mencius studied etiquette and poetry with his students and fell in love with reading. Meng Mu was relieved. The story of Meng Mu's three movements and the proverb "Whoever approaches Zhu Zhechi is black" all reflect the importance of social education to peers.
Economist He Fan said:
"The best help parents can give their children is to find a suitable social environment for them when they are young, and find a group of children who are not much different from them in all aspects, so that they can exercise themselves in mutual interaction."
In the education of love, Enrico's favorite classmate Plaque West is a distressing child. His father, a blacksmith, was frustrated in his career, drunk and beat and scolded his children.
His father came home drunk, beat him for no reason, threw the book in the air and the notebook on the ground. When he came to school, his face was black and blue. Sometimes his whole face was swollen and his eyes were red with tears.
However, he never said that his father hit him.
Because of his love for his father, even though all his classmates knew that Placke's face was hurt by his father, he still defended his father and maintained his passion for knowledge in the harsh growing environment.
In the semester, "because of his housework, his homework, his writing, his performance and everything" won the medal awarded by the director of education. When the blacksmith came to pick up his son, the director specially brought Prakashi to his father and praised his children in front of the blacksmith. "He is a child full of wisdom and good wishes, and he still has a long way to go. A good boy is loved and respected by everyone.
This special affirmation made the blacksmith pay attention to his son and was shocked. Praxy awakened his father with persistent love, and his father finally pulled himself together and gave his son the fatherly love he deserved.
Deng Chao, one of the directors of Looking Up, admits that the experience of being a father has made him gain a lot of abilities and learn how to love.
The great educator Suhomlinski said:
Therefore, it is not only good parents who cultivate good children, but also good children can "wake up" parents who are not good enough and promote their growth.
The education of love is interspersed with 10 "monthly stories" in Enrico's reading class, among which two "monthly stories" are particularly touching to read, and the love from children makes people cry.
Romagne Blood: A once rebellious little boy bravely protected his grandmother who raised him at a critical moment and sacrificed himself.
The little scribe, Florence: A little boy who is sad about his father's health always works secretly for his father at night. He loves his father more than himself. Even though he was misunderstood by his father, he still insisted on working for his father at night, no matter how hard and tired he was.
Some people say that children's love is innate and deeper than parents think. Parents can be eager to protect calves, and children can also protect their parents in turn.
In Japan, there is a variety show called Chubu, which mainly records the story of children aged 2-7 going out alone for the first time. In the latest program, Chubu filmed two children leaving home alone to buy flowers and other supplies for their father. These two children are four-year-old brother Hiragi and two-year-old brother Zou.
Their father died at the age of 2 shortly after his brother was born. Later, his brother seemed to "grow up overnight". In order to protect his mother, he took his brother by bus for two hours to the flower shop where he often bought flowers for his mother before he died, and bought flowers to pay homage to his father. His brother also bought an extra bunch of flowers for his mother.
Brother should take care of and encourage his younger brother along the way, and allocate the time for shopping and waiting for the bus. Surprisingly, the 4-year-old child overcame all kinds of hardships and successfully completed the task with his love for his mother.
The child's wish is simple: to do something that can make his mother happy and protect his mother like his father protects this family.
After watching this episode, my heart is full of emotion and love. Children's love is as deep and pure as our love for them.
Xia Gaizun, a writer and translator, has this comment on the education of love:
After reading this book with my children, I deeply understood for the first time what the German philosopher Karl Jasper said: "The essence of education is nothing more than a tree shaking another tree, a cloud pushing another cloud, and a soul awakening another soul." Parents who are anxious about how to raise their children can read this book, and it is best to read it with their children. The love flowing in the book can make you let go of your anxiety and find a way to get along with your children.