The first is to match words with deeds.
To put it bluntly, it is to set an example. It is necessary to set a good example for children, and do what you say and do what you do.
Jane friend crab crab YH left me a message saying that every time her husband's brother and sister-in-law sent their son to their home, they would tell the children to pick him up at night, but they often broke their word and refused to pick him up for several days. After a long time, children no longer trust their parents.
Many parents have taught their children not to lie and cheat since childhood. However, they themselves lied in front of their children.
For example, make an appointment to meet someone. It's time, but I didn't keep the appointment on time. I was still at home when the other party called to rush me, but I had to tell the other party that I was stuck in a traffic jam.
Lies have no size. All parents' behaviors will be magnified in children's eyes and become an example of learning to imitate. So you can't lie a hundred times, and the effect is not as good as lying in front of children once.
Some parents educate their children to be honest and trustworthy, not greedy for petty gain. But when it comes to yourself, it will automatically switch to adult mode.
For example, when buying food, take an extra handful of parsley while the stall owner is not paying attention.
For example, when shopping, others give more money, pretend not to notice, then put it in your pocket and turn around and leave.
All behaviors are seen by children and kept in mind.
Other parents told their children not to hit people, but when they were accidentally beaten, they were so cruel that they wanted to eat each other alive. When their children hit others, they will pretend to persuade them to say "Don't hit other children", but there is no doubt about the pride of not suffering from the corner of their eyes.
Such duplicitous parents will only bring up violent children. Their beating behavior was acquiesced and supported by their parents. In the future, they will only intensify bullying other children. Who wants to play with him after a long time?
The second is consistency.
The same thing can't be one standard today and another tomorrow, which will make children at a loss and is not conducive to the formation of their independent personality.
Every parent understands this truth, but in daily life, it is the easiest and easiest mistake for parents to make.
Because it will be interfered by many external factors. For example, environmental changes in homes and public places; For example, parents' mood swings; For example, parents do not attach importance to education and are not rigorous.
For example, you never allow your children to drink carbonated drinks, but when you go out to eat, other children drink them and your children clamor for them. They also ask you why other children can drink and he can't. What will happen to you?
Dad Bao has always been a negative case. Since infancy, we have given Lebao full freedom to explore and perceive this strange world with his mouth, hands and feet, and have never stopped or stopped it. Therefore, it has become normal for him to climb up and down barefoot all over the house since he was born.
Suddenly, one day, Bao Dad had a whim. He felt that walking barefoot on the floor would catch cold and be bad for his health, so he had to force him to put on socks before playing. Lebao is naturally a hundred reluctant.
After talking to Bao Dad about this matter, Bao Dad also realized that inconsistent rules will lead to confusion of children, and even lead to bad behavior of power struggle between parents and children.
If the routine behavior really needs to be changed, then parents can communicate with their children in advance and make adjustments gradually after obtaining the consent of their children. Rather than the wishes of parents, it is taken for granted that children must make changes immediately.
The third is that parents are consistent.
In family education, sometimes it is inevitable that when one parent is educating his children, the other parent may have an argument with the other in front of the children because he disagrees or disagrees with the other's educational ideas, methods or attitudes.
This is the most taboo point in family education.
It is not that we are not allowed to seek common ground while reserving differences in educational concepts, but that we should communicate well behind the children's backs in advance and then treat their educational problems with a consistent attitude.
Yin Jianli wrote in the book "A good mother is better than a good teacher": "Parents must pay attention to the harmony and unity of values contained in all your words and deeds. Only things that are unified before and after can subtly influence children, stabilize them in their hearts, and become their style of doing things. "
If you argue with your spouse in front of your child, it may make your child introverted, timid, unconfident, or perverse, violent, lying, rebellious and so on.
Therefore, parents have a long way to go on the road of parenting. We need to start from ourselves, change our bad behavior, accept children's adaptive development behavior, set a benchmark by example, set a good example for children, and make parent-child relationship more relaxed and happy.
Students in the sixth period of Qi's writing class. Chu nianyao