This is a good question that is difficult to answer.
We are in the countryside. In the past, the older generation was basically educated with sticks, including my own family.
My parents gave birth to seven children. There were many children at that time, but my parents were very upright people. It doesn't matter that we are poorly educated, but we should have backbone. Dad always said that people are not poor, not that we can't take it or want it, but that we should be kind. For example, what I remember most clearly when I was a child was that a beggar came to beg from us, and there was a word hall in the village to live in. My leg is rotten and I can hear her screaming in pain every day. My mother draws water for the man to wash the rotten place and sends her meals every day. In the past, we had to hand in public grain. Our family has a large population and we don't have enough food every year. In a year, we will borrow millet from other people's homes and return it when our own millet is collected. However, as long as beggars come to our village, they will either give rice or give rice, and the kindness of our parents will have a great influence on us.
Brother and sister are not much different in size, because they are ignorant and noisy all day. My father has endless farm work every day. When he comes home tired, he will see us making noise. My father will yell at us and tell us not to make noise. If our parents don't listen to us, we will be beaten, especially my brother, who played the most when he was a child. Our family finally wants a man, the girl is fine, the boy is naughty, and a son wants to grow up.
I thought about it before I got married. I thought I would use modern education to educate my children after having them, but I didn't know how difficult it was to educate them until they were older.
I don't know what my children will be like in the future, but I will try my best to make them better. My own two children are very good when they are very young, and they will teach more after school. I won't beat and scold my children like some other parents, and I won't insist on educating my children like my own parents, but I am also very strict. At present, my children are still young, but they should be rewarded and punished clearly, so that they can distinguish right from wrong and teach them to be kind to others. This aspect was most influenced by parents when I was a child. Let me be kind.
This is my own view on education.
First of all, I want to say that in today's society, stick education is definitely wrong, but many families have gone astray in the education of love. The love mentioned here is not doting, not blind love, but well-defined love.
We can love unconditionally before the baby is half a year old. You cry to coax me, you want me, I will accompany you at any time. However, if there is still no reason to love when the baby is half a year old to one year old, then the baby who grows up in this environment will become what we call a bully and a naughty boy. After a year and a half, the baby will obviously show the psychology that must be satisfied. As long as you are rejected, you will cry, make trouble, roll or roll. If the child has reached this stage, parents still don't realize the seriousness of the problem. Then, parents will face endless confusion. Before the age of 6, parents can stop their children with their own behaviors, but after the age of 6, the children reach the so-called adolescence, and the problem at that time can not be solved by beating and cursing!
Here, you may wonder, it can't be a stick education, but love seems difficult. Actually, it's not difficult. You just need to learn a little. Before the baby is 6 years old, say no to the baby and let the child know what to do when he is rejected and unsatisfied. Good guidance at this stage will be of great help to the baby's psychology and physiology. I hope my reply is helpful to you.
There is no turning back for children's growth, especially when they are young, and it will be the same in the future. In order to let their children live a life without worry, parents choose to work hard outside, and accompanying their children has become a luxury. But from the child's own point of view, nothing can satisfy him more than the company of his parents, especially when he is young.
First, take care of the children yourself.
Before 1 year-old, children form an attachment relationship and have special needs for their parents, especially their mothers. Children's sense of security and trust between parents and children need to be established with their parents. Therefore, taking care of children in person is a way of parenting that meets children's psychological needs.
If parents don't give enough companionship and children's attachment can't be satisfied, they will easily have feelings of insecurity, sensitivity and irritability, and will also plant a mine of parent-child relationship, which may detonate in adolescence.
Children will not judge their feelings for their parents because of their social status or wealth. Children love only because you call them parents. All they want is patience and enough time to accompany them. The degree of attachment to parents will become lower and lower with age. Instead of lamenting that you can't get into your child's heart in the future, it is better to give him more company when he is young.
Second, say "no" to children before the age of 6.
Love is tolerance, not connivance. When the news of children's suicide is exposed, sad parents will have doubts and give their children the greatest love and tolerance they can. How could he (she) choose such an extreme way to say "no" to me? As a parent, if you don't give your child the correct input of values and indulge blindly, if you don't say "no" to him or her, he or she will have countless "nos" to resist the satisfaction you can't give him.
Growth is always in pain, which is an inevitable process of social development as a human being. Children's values and behavior orientation need constant revision by parents. Even if the child cries for land, he (she) should be firmly said "no". Boundaries and respect can only be learned in this process.
Don't wait for someone to say "no" to your child for temporary comfort!
Third, parents' code of conduct.
The courage of human behavior comes from a firm heart./kloc-All kinds of education before the age of 0/2 are aimed at making children grow into people with mental health and sound personality. /kloc-After 0/2 years old, example is secondary education, and the example is advanced education that brands children's subconscious. Parents' behaviors and ways of thinking will be copied and pasted as the starting point and template for children's actions. If children want to grow up without deviation, parents should set an example.
Through analysis, we will find that children's growth has a great relationship with their families and parents. A happy family, or a harmonious family, has a great influence on children. This family doesn't need to be rich, and parents' educational level is not necessarily high, but as long as this family is full of joy, parents are kind people. Children who grow up in such an environment tend not to make mistakes. In such a modest family, there is no so-called stick education, and there will be no doting. There are several classmates, and their family is like this. Growing up in the countryside, my parents are practical cultivators. Although the material conditions at home are not very rich, the family is full of laughter and happiness every day. Students also like to go to these homes to play. The parents of these children will not have too much restraint and discipline, they will naturally grow up and enter the society as very outstanding talents.
Some families have good material conditions, but they are full of doting on their children. They grew up in the palm of their hands, lived in their own world like princesses, and did whatever they wanted, as if they were kings of the world. Children who grow up in this environment are basically disabled. Even if they have a strong background, they will poke a hole one day and reap the consequences. The basic characteristics of such children are willfulness and do whatever they want, even husbands, wives and parents will not do their duty. Because she (he) has no idea what the responsibility is. For example, a star who has been making a lot of noise recently because of the scandal is a typical example. She grew up in a golden nest. In her eyes, cheating is a matter of course. She can be with any man she wants, regardless of her husband and children. This is actually no essential difference from animals.
As for bonzi education, there are also successful examples, such as tiger mother in the United States. But tiger mother still talks about methods. In reality, most of the big stick education is that parents treat their children rudely. The basic characteristics of these parents are low education and many bad habits, such as drinking. Children are a punching bag when they are unhappy, let alone education. Children in this environment often become delinquents.
For children, every family has its own way of education. Or every parent is educating their children in a way that suits them. Insist on or spoil, in fact, a family has no choice. What kind of family is what kind of family cannot be changed, and children cannot choose their own family.
Great education! Since ancient times, "stick education" has been regarded as an educational bible by parents. Thinker Han Feizi once said: "A dutiful son does not have a father's family, and a loyal minister does not have a saint." .
In the first issue of Feng Wei, Nicholas Tse looked at Jay Chou who could play the fruit piano and couldn't help admiring him. He regretted not "listening to his mother" to practice the piano. When Jay Chou was a child, he also said that he would give up practicing the piano. Zhou's mother not only beat him for this, but also stood there watching with crutches while he was practicing the piano. Jay Chou told Nicholas Tse that it was very painful to practice piano under his mother's control, but he really appreciated his mother's achievements.
In an interview, crosstalk performer Yu Qian was asked if he had been beaten by a master while studying art. He said no, but he always thought: "It is right and scientific to fight under certain conditions, because muscles have memories, and sometimes they can't be remembered by the brain."
However, "stick education" is by no means "domestic violence" and must be carefully distinguished. Chen Qiaoen, an actor, revealed in an interview before that when she was a child, she was often slapped by her mother because of her poor grades, and even beat her bleeding with a bundle of dead branches. Later, in the dutiful son of a whirlwind, I also said that I lived in fear since I was a child, and I was afraid of my mother. I think my mother's footsteps are like the devil's footsteps, and I feel finished when I hear them.
In addition to light use, "stick" education should be used as little as possible. Education should also pay attention to local conditions and correct mistakes on the spot. Don't settle accounts after autumn, and don't give your child a feeling of being in a state of anxiety all the time, which will leave a shadow and is not conducive to your child's physical and mental health.
Education of love, of course.
-dividing line.
Since ancient times, there has been a saying in China that "a dutiful son is born under the stick" and "no soldiers are born if you don't fight". Many parents have indeed followed this principle in the process of educating their children. Most parents beat and scold their children to correct their shortcomings. Although this is a good starting point, will the use of violence education be effective?
1. If children are often scolded by their parents for a long time, they will immediately feel scared when they see their parents, and then they will not dare to approach. Therefore, no matter what his parents ask him to do, no matter what his parents say is right or wrong, he has to obey. Children who grow up in such a bad environment of absolute obedience are often prone to inferiority and cowardice.
Children who are often beaten will feel lonely and helpless. Especially when parents beat their children in public, their self-esteem will be seriously hurt. They often doubt their abilities and feel inferior, which makes them feel depressed and silent. Such children are often unwilling to communicate with their parents and teachers and play with them. They are withdrawn and inaccessible.
Children's nervous system is very fragile. Rough attitude and bullying will make him highly nervous, fearful and even cause mental disorder. Over time, in order to escape the pain of flesh and blood, children began to lie to deceive their parents, because for children, cheating once can reduce the pain of flesh and blood. However, parents will be tougher in order to punish their children for lying when they find out their children are lying. In order to avoid being beaten, children will lie more when they do something wrong next time, which constitutes a vicious circle.
4. Many parents will say something that scares their children. For example, if you don't listen, I won't want you ... if you do this again, the wolf will take you away ... otherwise, mom won't want you. However, the consequence of this is that children fall into obvious psychological barriers, and intimidation or rude attitude will make children have night terrors, excessive tension and fear.
-dividing line.
Let me talk about how important the education of love is and how children should teach it.
1. In the parent-child relationship, parents themselves are in a relatively strong position. If there are contradictions between parents and children, parents will blindly use their own strength to suppress their children, which will only stimulate the contradictions between them and make them farther and farther away from you. If parents can reflect more on their responsibilities in parent-child conflicts, children may be more considerate of your difficulties, more dependent on you, and thus more willing to accept your teaching.
2. A child who is often hit psychologically will inevitably grow into an idle person. If a child who is not encouraged is like a seedling after a long drought, then some children who are often hit rather than encouraged will only become thirsty hay. Therefore, in addition to blaming children for their mistakes, parents should also give their children corresponding encouragement in peacetime.
When children tell their parents "I'm sick" and "I'm disappointed", many careless parents often laugh it off. They will say, "Son, what can you be depressed about?" "Don't be naughty, you have nothing to be disappointed about."
However, regardless of age, we are all human beings. As long as you are human, you will have different feelings. Adults need comfort and help from others when they are frustrated. Don't children need it?
Whether a person is happy or not often depends on his own personality. Therefore, in the process of children's growth, parents must always put the cultivation of children's good character in an extremely important position. Sometimes, a small flaw in a person's personality is enough to ruin a person's life. And the education of love can promote children to have a good character.
If the child's eyes are the sun, then he sees the sun. If the child's eyes are dark, then he sees the darkness. Parents should teach their children to look at things dialectically instead of pursuing perfection. Without love education, children's eyes are dark. With love education, children's eyes are the sun.
6. Self-confidence is the spiritual pillar of children's success in study and life. Therefore, it is more important for parents to cultivate their children's self-confidence than intellectual education in the process of educating their children. Many times, children's poor study is often not an intellectual problem, but a lack of self-confidence. Children's self-confidence is not innate, but gradually cultivated in the practice and study of life the day after tomorrow. Need the care and maintenance of parents. What is nursing and maintenance? Care and maintain the education that belongs to love.
7. Respect and love are to children what sunshine is to saplings. Without respect and love, children can't grow into the towering trees their parents expect.
8. Whether studying or working, a truly intelligent person can look at the overall situation, consider major issues from a macro perspective, be familiar with the key points of interests, and be broad-minded and not limited to trivial matters. Only when you love your children and educate them with love can you make them concentrate on what they are doing and not be disturbed or interrupted by unimportant things, so that they can get greater gains.
9. Only what suits you is the best. Parents should never blindly pursue false reputation when educating their children. They should give it to their children. They see what others give them. They should really understand their psychological needs, know what they really need, and then give.
10. It is easy for people to do one thing well without pressure. And when people are surrounded by pressure, a very simple thing will be destroyed by themselves. Therefore, in the process of educating children, don't give them too much pressure, but let everything develop naturally and harmoniously, so that children can feel happy from it. Moreover, stick education will put a lot of pressure on children and make them breathless, while love education will make them very relaxed.
1 1. When you listen to the child, do you really understand what he is saying? Are you also used to interrupting children's language? Many parents often make the mistake of commenting and giving suggestions based on the experience of adults before their children have finished their own affairs. If you don't understand the child, please listen to him. This is the art of listening to children: don't listen to half of what others tell you; Don't impose your meaning on what children say.
How to teach children? Which is better, stick education or love education?
I think the education of children needs the combination of love and great education.
Many parents adopt the ancient education method, thinking that "children are not used to tools" and "talents are born under sticks", so they adopt the stick education model for their children, but is stick education really reliable?
I have seen such a family, where parents work outside all the year round, children are raised by grandparents, and parents will only go home at the end of the year. Children live in remote rural areas and study in a school with few students, so they can rank in the top ten of the class. Every time parents go home for the New Year, they will ask their children to set learning goals for the next year. If they reach it, they will be rewarded, but if they don't, they will be "clubbed" by their parents.
During my home visit, I once asked my child's grandmother why she didn't take a more peaceful way to educate her children. Grandma said: "There is no way. If you don't take a taxi, the children won't listen to you and don't want to learn. " I understand the educational model of this family, but in my opinion, this child usually does well in school and sometimes fights with other children. I sometimes wonder whether this kind of family education has had a bad influence on children. Will children have violent thoughts because of stick education at home or because they can't reach their goals? Will he be too slow to understand his parents' feelings and have deep complaints about his parents?
In my eyes, the education of pure love is that parents dote on their children regardless of right or wrong, and ultimately have an irreparable impact on their children.
According to the news survey, the school prepared breakfast for the new students, including one egg for each student, but after breakfast time, there were 39 eggs left in more than 40 eggs. Asked the reason, because they can't peel eggs.
As freshmen, according to the basic conditions of primary school enrollment today, most of them should be children above 12, but what is the reason why children above 12 can't peel eggs? Are there so many eggs that you haven't seen them yet?
Obviously, this is impossible, only because they have never peeled their own eggs. So what is the cause of this? Pet!
The family is too spoiled, and everything is arranged by parents. The phenomenon of reaching for food has seriously affected children's future. Children don't have basic life skills, and even can't survive without their parents. Is this what parents want?
Pure stick education and pure love education are not supported. After all, most of the children they educate are unsuccessful. A successful child must live in a healthy family environment. A healthy family, not chasing children, only knows how to educate with sticks. Even more, they will not only know how to spoil their children and raise them into children without basic life skills.
Of course, my opinion is just an amateur's idea. My own children know best, and my opinion is just a suggestion. I hope you know what is best and best for your own children.
Teaching children should be both gentle and strict. If children behave well and make progress, parents should not be stingy with their praise. When a child makes a mistake, he should show the authority of his parents and tell him where the mistake is and how to correct it. Well-founded, don't suggest sticks, don't understand, even with sticks, children don't understand where they are wrong, and they don't care. It's better to instill.
Personally, I think the two are combined!
1, always thinking about your childhood, don't put on a high horse, whether you or someone who just left school like us, all came from that stage. We have to think about the mistakes we made at the beginning, which happened to our children, so we can only teach him, because we have personal experience and will be more convincing.
There is no need to ask any professors or experts for advice, because their theories are also obtained through communication with some children and parents, and they are only expressed in systematic language. But can children understand our rude words?
2. It is to let children express their inner words. As soon as the words are spoken, the blockages or incomprehensible places in my heart are cleared.
3. For parents, they always refuse to enter their children's world on the grounds of busy work and heavy burden, or educate their children with their own subjective consciousness and smelly copper, then children will definitely "go near Zhu Zhechi, and those who enter the mill will be black".
At the same time, you will be very temperamental, and you can't fight or scold. Absolute mistakes, correct persuasion methods and severe and appropriate punishment measures are the guarantee for children to form good habits.