He obviously can't bring me happiness, but I just had a "chemical reaction" with him.

Daily psychological/compulsive repetition

He obviously can't bring me happiness, but I just had a "chemical reaction" with him.

Definition: In interpersonal relationships, especially intimate relationships, we will constantly repeat the scenes that impressed us in childhood.

Case: Lisa's parents are both people who feel powerless and miserable about life. Lisa is eager to establish a happy relationship with happy people. Unfortunately, she has been caught in many unpleasant entanglements with the severely depressed opposite sex. She felt very confused and helpless about it, and didn't know what the problem was.

It can be seen that Lisa is eager to live happily in interpersonal communication, but she can always pick out the unfortunate people in the crowd and develop unpleasant contacts with them. This unpleasant connection is very similar to her relationship with her parents.

Fairbairn, a psychologist, believes that children establish contact with their parents through any form of contact provided by their parents, and this form will also become their lifelong mode of contact with others.

In other words, if parents can communicate with their children happily, children will seek happy forms of communication. If the interaction between parents and children brings pain to children, then children will seek painful forms of communication.

So our so-called "chemical reaction" is actually just that the other party resonates with our own interpersonal model. The mode and tone of interaction with parents in childhood have already laid the basic paradigm of love.

In intimate relationships, the scenes we forcibly repeat are generally traumatic scenes that impress us deeply. For example, our father has a bad temper and always attacks us. Then when we grow up, we are likely to be attracted by a grumpy opposite sex. Only in this way can we change our "father", make up for our childhood regrets and heal the pain left behind.

But it often backfires, because we haven't learned how to get along with others. Instead, we constantly stimulate each other with old unpleasant patterns and let them respond to us in the way our father treated us. This in turn strengthens the existing interpersonal model.

Besides, we will also teach others the way to treat us, thus repeating that traumatic scene. If our mode is to attack and accuse each other, then we will teach each other to accuse and attack us through our own actions. Naturally, the other person will also teach us his behavior pattern, which is an interactive process and an unconscious process.

Finally, I want to say that no matter what model our childhood experiences have shaped, we now have enough power to choose to change.

Changing compulsive repetition will be a very challenging task. If we are lucky enough to meet a cured partner, then change may happen.

Besides, we will also teach others the way to treat us, thus repeating that traumatic scene. If our mode is to attack and accuse each other, then we will teach each other to accuse and attack us through our own actions. Naturally, the other person will also teach us his behavior pattern, which is an interactive process and an unconscious process.

Finally, I want to say that no matter what model our childhood experiences have shaped, we now have enough power to choose to change.

Changing compulsive repetition will be a very challenging task. If we are lucky enough to meet a cured partner, then change may happen.

In addition, if we continue to grow up, realize our compulsive repetitive pattern and try to change it, then we are also expected to break away from the old pattern.

But many times, if you want to heal the wounds of the past and stop entering the pattern of compulsive repetition, you need the help of a psychological counselor who matches you.