For many parents, they have taken many classes and read many books, and put them into practice bit by bit for their daily parenting life. But our parenting effect is still not so remarkable, and the children are still the same and have never changed. The parent-child relationship between them is still in a state of hostility and division and cannot be harmonious. At this time, parents are very confused, unable to understand, helpless, confused about their hostile and divided parent-child relationship, what to do, the child's depressed state, overwhelmed achievements, and how to work hard. In this case, we also feel overwhelmed and depressed.
Most of the time, we have a kind heart, but when it comes to children, we become a kind of dog that bites Lv Dongbin. We don't know anything about people's hearts and are easily framed as "caring too much, being unreasonable" and so on. It seems that all the tricks have been exhausted. After learning parenting skills, I persisted for a long time, but there was still no way. At this time, I think, parents, there may be one thing that has not been done well, and that is to find out the real ills of education. On weekdays, we study hard enough, read a lot of educational books, know a lot of educational concepts, and know a lot of operational procedures. Then, we only forget one thing, find out the real ills of education and prescribe the right medicine. This is the same as the doctor's treatment. When a patient comes to a doctor, the doctor needs to do a little bit to find the root cause of the patient and match the best prescription. Drugs eliminate diseases. Otherwise, a doctor is knowledgeable, knows a lot of therapies, learns a lot of techniques, and has many professional titles, which is of little use. In the end, it will be defeated bit by bit in clinic, and its reputation will be ruined and its self-confidence will be damaged.
According to my years of study and practice, there is nothing wrong with educational books. The record of books is the refinement of the writer's experience. They all came here in this way, saw these landscapes, had first-line parenting practice, learned these experiences, and summarized and recorded them well to show their sharing. The appearance of books is to help us live a better life and practice education better. On weekdays, I will also read educational books, the practical experience and solutions of those predecessors. In addition, I will communicate with my parents, listen to their parenting experience and learn from them. And these are just a foundation, a theory. What really matters, the real core is whether I can find the core of the problem when I face a case, peel off all aspects as gently as possible, and guide my parents to find and repair it themselves.
First of all, in this process, it is not easy for parents to understand their own shortcomings and see the problems clearly. We are all used to beauty and luxury, and it is difficult to accept mistakes and problems. Of course, not all parents have such a mental state. Over the years, including myself, it is much more difficult to see the problems clearly and accept the shortcomings than to face the beauty and accept the applause. It is also much more difficult and requires courage and responsibility. Come to think of it carefully, we humans are often too proud, too stubborn and too stubborn. It seems that we are all a little uncomfortable and like to avoid treatment.
In this case, no matter how excellent counselors, hot parenting books, first-class schools and perfect courses are, they will basically lose their functions and become useless. Only when parents come out first, make up their minds to face all the ills and make changes, the effect will probably grow. So are children. Many times, simple parents make changes, children are indifferent and continue to go their own way, and the effect is difficult to act on children.
Secondly, different families and children often have different problems, and the degree and size of the problems are often different, which is different from the fact that diseases happen to different people. Different problems and educational deviations often affect the time and effect of parenting correction, and they are also different, that is, the adjustment and implementation of the plan are often different. Because of this, many parents have been wandering in the world of parenting for a long time. They are so diligent and hard, growing and correcting themselves bit by bit, but their relationship with their children has not changed much. Or the opening sentence, perhaps, we just look for a needle in a haystack and put a horse's mouth on the cow's head, but we didn't really do it, so we can prescribe the right medicine.
Third, looking around the world, we often find such a trait. For others, we are all too diligent to forget ourselves and the world. This is quite prominent in China's parents. It seems that our whole life is to live and burn for children. To be honest, I am not so supportive of this attitude towards life, although I am also a mother with children. In life, I often say that "mom is human" and mom is human. Naturally, mothers also have their own needs and dreams. Just like children.
So many times, the frozen relationship between mother and child is very easy to break the ice. Mother first meets her own size requirements, even if she just buys a beloved skirt, even if she just sits alone in the park for a while, she is also satisfying herself. People are almost the same, their needs are met, their dreams come true, and they are happy. When they are in a good mood, children's big mistakes become small mistakes, and small mistakes become insignificant. After a long time, the parent-child relationship will gradually become harmonious. A child who feels his mother's good mood will have passion and fighting spirit no matter what he does.
Fourth, sometimes, we don't want to treat children well, solve the relationship between children and help them improve their grades, but our parents should learn to let go of their children. In my opinion, this trick is what the world often says. I think it's true. For children, we are always used to being responsible, holding them in our arms, holding them in our hearts, and the first moment we open our eyes, all we can think of is children. It seems that we have all become the baby's personal nanny, and we can't wait for the child's little pain to be done for us.
Seriously, in the face of this situation, instead of paying more attention to children, we should take back our physical and mental input from children, cultivate our hobbies, develop the potential of parents in all aspects, and engage in things that parents long for, big and small. If possible, instead of blindly treating children and trying to treat them, it is better to learn to wait and see. This is observing children without any colored glasses. And try to find the advantages of children. Second, in the case of children's safety and security, we should take a good look at ourselves, observe how our hearts fluctuate in the face of children's words and deeds, how our belief system views children's words and deeds, and how our emotional state upgrades little by little, or other things.
It is worth noting that in this, we need to know how to question the belief system in our minds. Many times, the relationship between children and our parents is not so harmonious, and we are anxious to treat our children. In fact, it is not the children who have problems, but the cognitive system of our adults. It seems that we all live too anxious, too impatient and too tired. Give yourself time to play with your children and do nothing every month, week and day. That may be a good relationship.
Sometimes, children's problems do exist and need to be corrected. At this time, how should we operate ourselves, with what kind of mood and attitude, to help children learn skills, master abilities and improve themselves bit by bit. Different attitudes and ways often produce different effects. The record of parenting books, the same sentence, has been read by different parents and put into practice, and the effect will often be different. Different parents often have different tone and mood when interacting with their children. It is also possible that children have their own emotions, resist everything given by their parents, and regard everything given by their parents as hostility and bad intentions. People immersed in negative emotions, whether children or parents, are basically animals and demons.
Some parent-child problems are rooted in physical health, so if we blindly treat children according to parenting books, correct ourselves, or follow the trend, it may be a little roundabout, or even far from the truth. At this time, whether it's children's health problems or parents' physical problems, in my opinion, instead of finding education methods, it's better to go to the clinic, take some medicine, have a good sleep, replenish energy and keep good spirits, and the problem will no longer be a problem. In today's society, parents with fierce competition, great pressure, insomnia all the year round and poor health are bound to be in a good mood, and their children are bound to have a little pressure at school. Long-term stress can easily cause bad emotions and damage the body. Even when people are in pain, they may be as unhappy as seeing beautiful scenery.
However, some parent-child problems, children's academic performance problems, are other simple reasons, and no matter what the reasons are, they can't be separated from the key points of our consultants, sick under the knife, children's education problems, and different solutions are adopted in different situations. Therefore, parenting is not simply reading parenting books, actively participating in parenting courses and observing other people's parenting experiences. After returning to China, you can cope with your own parenting ills, but you need to constantly improve your ability and keep learning. At the same time, we should always be flexible and observant. (So far, that's about it. There are still many unknowns. I'll share them in depth another day. )