Xiao S was outspoken in the program. When he went to Big S's house, he would warmly greet the two children: "Little Aunt is coming", but the result was ruthlessly "ignored".

She was surprised: "shouldn't children be taught manners at this age?" 」

What kind of children are the most likable?

Of course, he is polite, sweet and clever! Such children bring their own aura as soon as they appear, and they are popular everywhere.

Greeting is the most common "polite" behavior of adults. For some children, it may be a big trouble.

Once, my neighbor brought his children to my house to play.

As soon as I entered the door, I urged the child: "Call Aunt! 」

The 3-year-old boy was a little shy, and three words of "Auntie" got stuck in his throat and passed vaguely.

The neighbor pretended to be angry: "why are you whispering?" Speak louder. 」

But the child obviously took a step back, hiding behind her neighbor, hugging her leg tightly and refusing to answer.

I quickly said, "Nothing, I heard it. 」

"You this child, how did I teach you, can't be so rude. 」

The neighbor was a little embarrassed and pulled the children out while performing the circus. Unexpectedly, the child burst into tears with a loud wow.

The neighbor was even more embarrassed and said wryly, "My son is a little introverted ..."

In fact, such a scene is too familiar. Being forced by adults to say hello to strangers will be considered rude and timid, and even lead to criticism and accusations from parents.

It is not uncommon for children who don't like to say hello in life.

The host Cao Ying once talked about her son. Although he looks lively and cheerful, he is still shy to see strangers and hides behind her.

Many parents will be angered by their children's reaction and blame their children for not being sensible.

As parents, it is understandable to expect their children to be natural and graceful, sensible and lovely. However, if you force your child to say hello because you feel humiliated, it will easily cause your child's rebellious mentality.

Moreover, public criticism is like a sharp knife, which not only gives children bad psychological hints, but also easily hurts their self-esteem. Let children become inferior and even have social fears.

Is it strange that children don't like to say hello?

Of course not! This is actually a very normal thing.

Chalmers, an American educator, conducted an experiment in 1998 to observe the social status of 100 children with an average age of 8.6 years.

He found that when greeting strangers, 80% of children will shrink back slightly, intentionally or unintentionally. Maybe the children don't realize it themselves, but in their subconscious, there are signs of resistance.

There is a word in psychology called "stranger anxiety", which is what we often call "fear of life".

For children, especially young children, vigilance against strangers is an instinct.

Children's social relations are usually relatively simple, and they will rely on familiar people and exclude strangers. Because, in children's cognition, strangeness equals danger. So when they see strangers, they often show timidity or shyness.

This is an inevitable stage of children's psychological development, and it is also the bud of children's self-protection consciousness.

Imagine that even we adults are instinctively wary of strangers, let alone children.

And some strange faces are quite "warm". When you come up, you are required to touch your face, hug and kiss. It's strange that children are not afraid.

At this time, if children are forced to greet strangers, they will fall into an uneasy state of tension.

There is a parent-child program to interview children's real feelings when greeting strangers, and several children unanimously refused:

"I don't know them, why should I say hello";

"Dare not say hello";

"Not happy, don't like ..."

When asked what they want to say to their mother, the children's answers are distressing:

"I will say hello, but it is not voluntary. 」

"I listen to my mother, but I don't want to. 」

"Mom, can you stop pushing me? 」

Every child has a different personality.

Some are cheerful and enthusiastic. You can take the initiative to chat with anyone you meet; There are still some people who are naturally "slow-heating" and would rather observe and think first, but it is useless to force them.

If parents use a unified standard to ask their children, but also turn disappointment into accusations and label their children, they will only make them curl up into a ball and refuse to open it.

So, what if children just don't like to say hello? Let nature take its course, will he become an uneducated person?

Although it is not good to force children to say hello, we still have to teach them the necessary manners. As for how to make children speak on their own initiative, they need the correct guidance of parents:

You can ask the children privately why they don't like to say hello.

When my son first went to kindergarten, he never greeted uncle security at the school gate.

"You see all the children say hello, why not? 」

"Because ... I'm not ready. 」

Even though I envy those sweet-mouthed children, at that moment, I chose to respect him: "Let's say hello when you are ready. 」

So after more than half a semester, one day, he suddenly said to me, "I'm ready." Then I said hello to the security guard and entered the school gate.

It can be seen that even the youngest child has his own ideas. Respecting children and giving them enough time can make them more confident.

Parents should be themselves and exert a subtle influence on their children.

Sun Jingxiu, a child educator, once said, "Children's eyes are cameras, their brains are tape recorders, and their parents' words and deeds are engraved in their hearts.

Therefore, parents can just be themselves.

For example: meet acquaintances and greet them warmly; You can nod and smile when you meet unfamiliar people.

Parents' attitude towards others, children will not only see it in their eyes, but also remember it in their hearts. Parents behave naturally and appropriately, and children will gradually develop the good habit of greeting themselves.

I believe that with a polite and educated parent as an example, the children will not be too bad.

Let the children choose their own greetings.

Many children are reluctant to say hello, probably because they are not used to greeting.

If they can choose their favorite greetings at this time, they will be much more natural.

I have seen a small video, and there are several different greetings posted at the door of the kindergarten classroom, such as shaking hands, hugging, high-fiving, bowing and so on. Children can choose freely.

This stress-free greeting not only frees children from embarrassment, but also gives them a lot of fun. Why not do it?

Dr James Dobson once said:

"There are thousands of ways to make children lose their self-esteem, but rebuilding self-esteem is a slow and difficult process. 」

So don't blame a child who doesn't like to say hello easily. When the child feels shy and at a loss, give him a hug and comfort him.

Have more patience and understanding, give them a relaxed social environment and wait for the flowers to bloom!