In short, after experiencing complicated life and work, parents must have found that "roaring at the lion" is the most effective method in a short time: children can always submit in the first time and behave well in a certain period of time. For example, when two children are doing their homework, they always talk involuntarily, but they still have nothing to gain after running out of time; Jumping up and down for two children is just ignoring me and not cooperating with my arrangement; When the two children kept provoking my bottom line with their little tricks ... I finally couldn't bear it and became the "angry and noisy" mother in my son's mouth.
Yes, since my son went to primary school, his life has undergone earth-shaking changes, and there are also small partners at home who live together day and night. It is said that two children are happier than learning progress. I can only sigh: that is an ideal life, not a naked status quo. Give a simple example: every morning at breakfast, two children say one more word, which wastes twice as much time. How can parents not worry? Every night when it's time to go to bed, the two children will delay each other for a minute to start a topic. As a parent, you will watch time fly by ... reasoning will only waste more time, ignoring it will only make time pass in vain. Only a big drink will shock both children, and they will do what they should do in a hurry.
However, as time goes by, I realize more and more deeply that yelling and scolding can't fundamentally solve the problem, but will only make things worse. Gradually, children may care less and less about their parents' reprimands, reject their parents' reprimands more and more, and get farther and farther away from their parents ... For example, my former son is very frank in front of me, even if he does something bad, he can bravely face me to admit or bear it. Now he sometimes avoids me with flashing eyes, and even when playing, he occasionally glances at me with uneasy eyes ... this is a typical example of penny wise and pound foolish. I was comfortable for a while (the child seemed obedient), but I lost my whole life (the distance between the child and me).
Finally, I am getting farther and farther away from the wise, calm and peaceful mother I want to be in my ideal!
After I lost my temper again because of my child's homework problem, my son's scared and confused expression was printed in my mind. On that day, two children began to do their homework while playing, which led to an hour later to start a little. After slamming the door in a hurry, I lay on the bedroom bed and shed tears unwillingly: because this kind of homework is not the first time, and it will never be the last time. And I, except for yelling every time, have changed? And the children were frightened by my roar at that time. What changes have they made?
Calm down, I found that since my life changed with physical discomfort, I lost a lot of thinking time, immersed in finding solutions to problems with my children, so I was passive and had no choice. Therefore, it is not that I am leading the children forward, but that I am chasing after them, constantly discovering problems, but I can't do anything.
Being a wise, calm and peaceful mother is by no means a simple matter, but it is not difficult to think with your heart.
The first trick: relax the string that has been tense in my heart and relieve the pressure.
I feel that I have put a little more pressure on myself since my children entered school. The daily schedule is very tight. From opening my eyes in the morning to going to bed at night, except for two and a half hours in the morning and one and a half hours in the afternoon, I have no time to myself at all. From three meals a day to homework, I always keep myself in a state of tension. Children entering primary school from kindergarten will naturally be very different. This kind of change and adaptation will also put me under pressure.
Now I try to relax myself, especially when facing the children's homework. I want to believe that even if my child has problems occasionally, for example, my son's current illiteracy is one of the difficulties in his study, which leads to his inability to understand the questions and his slow speed in solving them, the problems will always be solved. It is precisely because I am always anxious about his homework that he is equally anxious when facing it. In other words, it may be my ever-tightening string that keeps the child from moving forward.
Let yourself relax first. In children's present study, there is no need for coercion. Good study habits and methods are better than temporary scores and grades. We should not only understand the truth, but also understand it in our hearts.
The second measure: sort out your possible temper and find a way to deal with it.
Summing up my recent temper outburst, I found that I was angry with myself more often. At some special moments, once my temper came up, it was difficult to control it for a while. The child is even more ignorant. He doesn't even understand why I sometimes lose such a big temper.
It is true that I have to face all kinds of children's problems every day, and it is precisely because I always try to solve problems and transform children that I am exhausted. And every time I break into a furious rage, I must be extremely tired, wronged and not understood. It's better to give yourself a holiday, give yourself half an hour or an hour of your own time, and don't care what the children are doing. One is to give yourself a buffer, and the other is to give children a wake-up call. Why not?
I will tell them as calmly as possible when my temper is about to break out, and then turn around and go back to my space. Now when I listen to music or have a rest in my own space, children can do better.
The third measure: improve comprehensive ability and broaden parenting knowledge.
Every stage of a child has its own growth characteristics. Although every child is different, the trajectory of growth will never deviate too much from the overall age. When children are very young, as novice parents, we are all willing to learn parenting knowledge from all aspects. But with the growth of children, it seems that every parent has his own concept and method of parenting, which may be the most suitable for his children. But it is this complacency that often leads to more and more problems. Therefore, growing up with children is not only a slogan, but also a down-to-earth approach. We should arm ourselves with rich knowledge of parenting and children's psychology, and think more about every problem and solution of children.
There is no end to learning. Only by not being spiritually empty and constantly improving yourself can we win respect for ourselves. As a mother who never leaves her books, she gives her children the impression that her mother loves reading? Believe in the subtle power, and you will no longer worry that your child is a "TV fan" or a "computer fan".
The fourth trick: everything has two sides, and look for hope from the positive side.
An old frontiersman loses his horse—a blessing in disguise. The ancients knew that everything has two sides, and good and bad are only a relative process. Until the last moment, no one can judge the outcome of the matter with confidence.
Just as I was worried that my son was illiterate, it had a great influence on his study at this stage. But on the other hand, because of this, my son listened carefully in class, and his literacy changed qualitatively over time. So if I am pessimistic, then the world is pale; If you look at it from another angle, you will find that growing children contain infinite power. As long as you cultivate patiently, every little makes a mickle one day!
As parents, a positive attitude will also bring different feelings to children. They can constantly draw positive energy from their parents and have a great influence on their outlook on life and world.
The fifth measure: create a harmonious family atmosphere and change the way to solve problems.
As a housewife, if she has always been peaceful and gentle, then I believe her family atmosphere should be warm and happy. The power that a happy family brings to children is endless.
In fact, the intimacy of parent-child relationship depends on adults when children are young. If adults are wise and calm, they will have enough wisdom to fundamentally solve the endless problems of children. All roads lead to Rome, and being able to walk into the child's heart is the source of understanding the child. If one method can't solve the problem, change it. Yelling at children, scolding children and hitting them are the best policies, praising, appreciating and discovering children are the best policies to change children, while happy families, harmonious couples, loving children but not indulging them, and mutual trust and appreciation among family members are the best models to educate children.
From the birth of the child, the role of the mother is the child's day, so we should cherish the child's trust in ourselves and never face the child's daily growth with endless nagging, unchanging preaching and impetuous speculation.
The sixth measure: giving children space and talking about things in time is the general principle.
The essence of parenting is a process of drifting away from children. The eagle pushed hard on the cliff, and the eagle soared from then on. The eagle flying in the blue sky and white clouds may not look back, but he has the ability to survive on his own and overlook the sky. I believe the eagle is equally happy. Just as we are constantly teaching our children the ability to be independent, we often unconsciously want to "help" our children and correct them with our own views. This is not true love.
Give children enough space to grow: they can face failure and learn from it; You can laugh at success, knowing that it is only the result of a period. In the face of children's help, can give the most appropriate help. Seeing the child's shortcomings is just a matter of fact, not entangled in old accounts; Let go of your child's past mistakes in time. Be honest and impartial to children, be brave to admit that you are not perfect, and admit that you are not doing well or doing wrong.
If you feel your child with your heart and accompany your child with love, your parents will become more and more calm and your child will become more and more sensible.