As a result, it is conceivable that children's problems are getting bigger and bigger, and parents are also troubled. It has been suggested that if you want to change your child's problems, you need to accept your child's status quo. Only by accepting children can we really change them. But accepting children does not mean letting them go, nor does it mean letting them go.
I heard a mother complain to a psychiatrist before: My child really makes me angry and disappoints me. When I was a child, I bought him food and clothing, helped him with his homework every day, and enrolled him in remedial classes. He is also very obedient and good. I got good grades from grade one to grade five, and my teachers praised me for teaching well.
However, in the sixth grade, he wanted to learn rhythmic gymnastics, saying that it was to give junior high school extra points. I told him not to study, there are only so many days left, and it is most important to get the math grades up quickly. What about math? Learning now is a waste of time! I resigned for him, made up lessons for him and urged him. Why doesn't he understand me?
The expert comforted the child's mother and then told her earnestly: "You should try to accept the child, accept the child's thoughts and current situation, and don't force the child to reason and force him to change."
Later, he said a lot, because not accepting children's ideas will inevitably lead to some subjective conflicts and confrontation with children. When he opposes children's thoughts and behaviors, children will confront their parents in his way of thinking and have conflicts with their parents.
In this way, parents' education will become a reaction, and parents' wishes will not be realized. At this time, parents need to reflect on whether their educational methods are correct, and why do children have these situations?
What happens if children can only reason? 1. Turn a deaf ear to what parents say.
We all say that a dutiful son comes from under the stick. Our older generation may have taught children to be disobedient by beating them. In our generation, everyone thinks it is useless to fight, and children still have to be reasonable. Younger children sometimes can't tell whether what they are doing is right or wrong. Therefore, parents will tell their children some truth, hoping that their children will change after hearing it.
But after listening to the truth, the child has no change in behavior. What is the reason? In fact, the younger the child is, he has no idea about many things, and he can't understand anything you say. Children do things according to their own feelings and follow their feelings.
2.？ Hate parents
Many children will show impatience when their parents reason for themselves, or they will say to their parents, "I understand everything you say, I understand." These are all because children have already developed resistance to their parents' rigid reasoning methods.
With the growth of children the day after tomorrow, after the influence and change of social environment, they can understand some truth and know what to do, but it is difficult to do it in behavior.
As always, parents always educate their children in a reasonable way, which will only make them disgusted and rejected. They will feel that their parents will do nothing but say these things. You may feel that there are some things you can't do by yourself, but you still want me to do them. This is undoubtedly futile.
3. Children will become more and more rebellious
When many children make mistakes, they are all caused by misjudgment, chaotic behavior, emotional excitement and uncontrollable. If parents reason with their children at this time, it will undoubtedly add fuel to the fire.
Children are not aware of their actions, will not listen to what you say, and will not judge what you say. Parents' truth will only make children feel that you are suppressing him, just trying to control him and stop him from doing it. Telling the truth more will only aggravate children's emotions. The children will fight you to the end to see what else you can do to control him. Children will also be more rebellious and hate these principles.
How can parents accept their children better? Accept the status quo.
Accepting the status quo of children means respecting children, listening to their thoughts, based on their own love, and then putting the so-called education and truth into it to realize the real education of children through inner transmission.
When a child is going to be late for bed in the morning, you don't have to say "hurry up, you will be scolded by the teacher for being late". You can communicate with the teacher after the child goes to school and tell the teacher to punish him even if he makes a mistake. This can not only avoid direct contradiction with children, but also make children change through teachers.
2. Teach children to be careful
Intention means that when parents educate their children, they should take it seriously, treat any little thing as their own business, don't rush for success, and don't start work directly because they can't.
For example, when tutoring a child's homework, if the child makes mistakes over and over again, don't lose patience, show him the answer directly, or omit what he doesn't understand. You should explain it carefully over and over again, find examples from other materials in different ways, or leave time for the child to solve it himself and watch him finish it the next day.
When you wake up your child in the morning, if he can't get up, you can set an alarm clock to wake him up, or simply open the curtains and quilts and try to wake him up. In fact, as long as you work hard, there is no problem that cannot be solved.
3. Starting from children's psychological factors
Psychological factors are because parents are dissatisfied with their children's problems and bring negative emotions to change their children. When children accept your negative emotions, there will be more pressure in their hearts.
Parents should not be anxious when their children have problems, calm down and talk to them first, talk about their own ideas, ask their children's ideas, and let them feel that you are good to them. Cheer up your children and let them feel your strength, so that they will have the power to change themselves.
Parents don't have to ask their children's questions directly, so that their children can change in a short time. They can find time to play with their children, set a small goal for them first, and then let them change a little.
Many parents always preach and reason to their children when they have problems. Few parents will accept their children's problems! In fact, accepting children's problems and solving children's problems as their own will make children better. When children have problems, they also have problems, and they want to change. They just want you to understand them.