Gorman believes that emotional intelligence includes restraining impulse and delaying satisfaction, including how to adjust one's emotions, how to put oneself in others' shoes, the ability to feel others' feelings, and how to establish good interpersonal relationships and cultivate spontaneous spiritual motivation ... In short, emotional intelligence is a kind of cultivation and a kind of personality quality.
The following examples all belong to the level covered by EQ:
spontaneous
A child with high emotional intelligence knows how to be spontaneous, can do things automatically, can read books automatically, and can do homework automatically ... So, even if their IQ is not higher than others, their grades can be better than others. At work, it is also important to improve yourself spontaneously. For example, if our mentality is to compete with others. We will think, "I will work hard because I am older than Wang Qiang. Why is he better than me in all aspects? " So, you are competing with Lao Wang, and you are aiming at him. Even if you can do it, you will be as good as him at most, not better than him. On the other hand, if it is spontaneous, you will think, "Yes, he is fine. I want to learn from him and see what I can do. " On the contrary, you will exert yourself infinitely, even if you can't, you won't have differences with Lao Wang, and you won't hate him for it; Lao Wang won't think you are competing with him, and his mentality is completely different. In other words, your interpersonal relationship will have different results.
Control emotion
Will you lose your temper? Do you know when to lose your temper and when not to lose it? If you are walking and someone drives by you, you will be surprised. Will you swear? Many people will lose their temper and even be unhappy all day. On the contrary, is it good to hold your temper? For example, when your child is studying, the stereo next door is loud. As long as you are patient and don't defend your rights, it is tantamount to conniving at others to do things they shouldn't do. The contrast between the two situations shows that another feature of EQ is to know how to get angry with the right person at the right time.
be far-sighted
Gorman, the proponent of EQ, gave an interesting example in the book: the researchers invited a group of children and brought them into the room one by one, telling them, "Here are marshmallows, you can eat them right away, but if you wait until I come back from work, you can get double marshmallows." He said that and left. Some children can't wait to see him leave, so they pick up marshmallows and stuff them in their mouths. The other children/waited for a few minutes, then stopped waiting and ate cotton candy. The rest of the children are determined to wait for the researchers to come back. As a result of this experiment, children who are patient and so on are more adaptable and likable when they grow up. More adventurous, more confident and more reliable; Those children who want to satisfy their immediate desires can't help themselves. Their emotional intelligence is relatively low. When I grow up, my grades in all aspects are lower than those of my children who can restrain themselves.
self-consciousness
Many times, we find that friends and relatives around us are not good at expressing their feelings. When you go out with him, he always says, "Whatever!" After a long time, you will feel guilty: "Did I deprive this friend of his freedom?" Am I a little unkind to him? He always depended on me, only I was happy/slowly, and my guilt turned into disgust. You no longer find it interesting to be with him. Facts have proved that people who have difficulty in expressing their feelings are also ruthless to others. The reason is that he has no ability to understand his own feelings. How can he understand the feelings of others? This example tells us that improving emotional intelligence also includes learning but showing emotions. For example, if you are in a hurry to go home today and can't agree to give him a ride, you should tell me frankly, "I have something important to do and I can't give you a ride." I'm sorry/usually, the other party won't be angry about it. On the contrary, he will feel comfortable making friends with you.
Interpersonal skills
Improve emotional intelligence, including improving interpersonal relationships. To improve interpersonal relationships, we should cultivate so-called empathy-feeling the feelings of others. Many harsh and mean parents lack empathy. They care about their children's eating, bathing and studying. They will supervise their children, but they will not feel the concern of their parents, but will only feel the pressure of their families. On the other hand, strict and kind parents usually participate in their children's activities, not only asking whether their children have studied, but also spending time communicating and talking with them. As long as you communicate with your child for a period of time every week, when the child has emotional and emotional problems, he will think, "Next week, when I am with my parents, I must tell them." On the other hand, if your child doesn't know that you are with him at all, he is not ready to mention it to you at all, even if you suddenly appear, he won't tell you.
Besides, talking and quarreling with people is a kind of interpersonal communication. When we communicate with people, we have no way to control others' thoughts and feelings, and we have no way to predict their behavior. However, we can control our own behaviors and emotions, and use this self-control to influence and infect others' behaviors and emotions. For example, when a customer complains angrily about the company's service, if you are busy defending, he will become more and more angry. However, if you show empathy and let him know that you are listening to him, his anger is justified and his tone will gradually soften.
Therefore, we should improve our emotional intelligence, cultivate compassion, and then learn to control our emotions and change others' emotions. "What exactly is emotional intelligence?"
"How do you know if your emotional intelligence is high?"
These are two questions that I am often asked. Especially when doing training in the business world, whenever it comes to the important influence of EQ on work performance: "The higher the position, the more important EQ is to success", just after the words are finished, there will always be students who raise their hands inexplicably: "Impossible! ? Our boss has a bad temper and gets angry easily. Isn't he the general manager with such poor emotional intelligence? ! "
Good question, this seemingly "low emotional intelligence, high achievement" phenomenon is actually because we have not fully understood the true meaning of emotional intelligence. Because a person's emotional intelligence is not high, not just to see if he will lose his temper.
So, what is EQ?
EQ (Emotional Quotient) is the English abbreviation of "Emotional Quotient", which represents a person's emotional quotient ability. Simply put, EQ is an indicator of a person's ability to manage his own emotions and those of others.
Let's review the birth of emotional intelligence.
As early as 1920, E.L. Thorndike, a professor at American Columbia University, first put forward the concept of social intelligence, arguing that people with high social intelligence "have the ability to understand and manage others and can take wise actions in interpersonal relationships".
1926, the first social intelligence test (George Washington social intelligence test) was launched. The topics of the questionnaire include identifying the emotional state of the characters in the pictures and judging the problems in interpersonal relationships.
However, in the next few decades, psychologists' efforts in this area stopped, mainly because everyone was busy developing and studying IQ tests. At that time, it was believed that IQ (that is, a person's ability in mathematics, logic, Chinese and space) would determine everyone's ability to learn and be taught, thus affecting future work development and performance.
Until 1983, Professor Ghana, an American psychologist, put forward the theory of "multiple intelligences", which had a great influence on the current education system. He believes that the traditional definition of "intelligence" (that is, IQ) that only focuses on mathematical language ability needs to be greatly revised, because a person's IQ is highly positively correlated with school academic performance (the higher IQ, the better homework), and has little to do with other aspects, such as work performance, feelings and life satisfaction.
Professor Ghana added several intelligences to his theory of multiple intelligences, including music, sports and the ability to understand oneself and others. The latter two items make the concept of "social intelligence" pay attention to by the educational and psychological circles again.
The first person to use the term "EQ" was the psychologist Ruben Baron. 1988, he compiled a special questionnaire (EQ-i) to test EQ. According to his definition, EQ includes those emotions and social skills that can affect our adaptation to the environment. There are five items: (1) self-emotional quotient (2) interpersonal emotional quotient (3) adaptability (4) stress management ability (5) general emotional state (optimism and happiness).
Then the psychologist Salovey & Mayer put forward the definition of EQ in 1990. They believe that emotional intelligence should be distinguished from optimism and other personality traits, so their definition of emotional intelligence emphasizes the understanding and application of emotions.
At present, another emotional intelligence test (MSCEIT) widely used in various countries is their latest research achievement. There are several problems (1): the ability to perceive and express emotions; the ability of the brain to imagine emotional states; the ability to understand emotions; and the ability to control emotions.
The psychologist who really let the word "EQ" go out of the academic circle of psychology and become a catchy everyday language is Professor Daniel Gorman of Harvard University. His book EQ, published in 1995, has been on the bestseller list of all countries in the world, which has set off an EQ craze all over the world.
Goldman found that a person's emotional intelligence has a very important influence on his performance in the workplace. For example, a survey of employees in the top 500 companies in the United States found that the contribution ratio of IQ and EQ to a person's job success is IQ: EQ = 1: 2, that is, the influence of EQ is twice that of IQ, and the higher the position, the greater the influence of EQ on job performance. In addition, for some job categories, such as marketing, business, customer service, etc., the influence of EQ is more obvious.
Therefore, according to the performance of the workplace, Goldman Sachs put forward its own work EQ framework. After continuous testing and revision, there are currently four major items and 18 minor items in the work EQ of Goldman Sachs.
Do you want to know your work emotional intelligence? Please check your EQ ability in every job together.
< 18 important task eq > self-emotional management ability: 1. Self-awareness (1) Aware of the change of one's emotions: Interpret one's emotions and realize one's influence.
(2) Accurate self-assessment: knowing your own strengths and weaknesses.
(3) Self-confidence: Control your own values and abilities.
Second, self-management (4) Emotional self-control: Being able to restrain impulsive and contradictory emotions.
(5) confession: show honesty and integrity; Trustworthy.
(6) Adaptability: it is flexible and can adapt to the changing environment or overcome obstacles.
(7) Achievement motivation: a strong motivation to improve ability and pursue outstanding performance.
(8) Impulse: Be ready to act at any time and seize the opportunity.
Interpersonal relationship management ability: 3. Social consciousness (9) Empathy: Feel others' emotions, understand others' viewpoints, and actively care for others.
(10) Group Consciousness: Interpreting the trends, decision-making networks and political operations in groups.
(1 1) service: recognize the needs of customers and other customers, and have the ability to meet these needs.
Fourth, interpersonal relationship management (12) leadership: guide and inspire others with a unique vision.
(13) Influence: Being able to persuade others to accept their own ideas.
(14) Developing others' abilities: improving others' abilities through feedback and teaching.
(15) Advocating change: It can stimulate new practice.
(16) conflict management: the ability to reduce differences and coordinate.
(17) Networking: cultivating and maintaining networking.
(18) team ability: the ability to cooperate with others; Understand the team operation mode.
There are 18 items in so many contents, which are really eighteen martial arts, and everything is not simple. And to have all kinds of martial arts, isn't it difficult to ascend to heaven?
Please don't worry. In fact, as long as a person can have five or six emotional intelligence abilities among the eighteen emotional intelligence abilities and distribute them evenly among the four abilities, his performance in the workplace will be very bright.
At present, the Emotional Competence Scale (ECI) is widely used to measure the work EQ, with a total of 1 10 questions. In particular, ECI adopts a 360-degree data collection method, which not only asks the client, but also understands the client's work EQ from his boss, subordinates and colleagues, and the results obtained are of course more objective and accurate.
Therefore, as long as you master the work EQ, you can achieve work results.