She also trained and tutored many other children, both the children themselves and their parents, who admired and recognized the legendary mother's educational methods.
Her educational philosophy can be roughly divided into the following five points.
The trick is: trust. Trust? Respect respects independence, independent cooperation and cooperation? Kindness is kindness.
1. Trust
Trust your child enough, big or small, to let him know that you absolutely trust him.
Little things like eating and studying. He likes to eat more rice, but he really doesn't like it, so it doesn't matter if he eats less or not. Don't make the relationship between parents and children tense every time and break up for a meal.
Not worth it.
Especially many mothers, when you want to do this, tell yourself: in fact, the bite you force your child to eat may not have much energy.
We should believe that the child's body is clear to him and he can decide for himself.
Of course, you can help children adjust their diet, study more, and cook more food to increase their appetite. Of course, it is better.
It is just not recommended to force and scold children to eat.
At any time, adults should learn to remind themselves to fold their wings properly, don't always want to cover their children, trust them, give them a chance, let them know that it is wrong for us to trust them, and give them another chance to try.
Only in this way can children get enough training and increase their self-recognition and affirmation of their own values.
When the author's eldest daughter is in Silicon Valley, tenants often eat things in her refrigerator. When she found out, she asked them what to ask. Young people say it's too late to work overtime, so they pick it up and eat it when they are hungry. They also suggested that they could pay compensation for what they planned to buy and put back that day.
After she got to know it, she understood that young people can be trusted enough to work so late, so she said forget it. You can use the refrigerator. You can put it in when you buy something, and I'll buy a refrigerator.
Those two young people are Sergey and Larry who founded Google.
There is a section about how children lie and what adults should do. This is so important to me.
What I used to do was to talk to my child, speak confidently, and tell him seriously that lying is wrong and will make people lose trust in you. It's terrible of you to do so and tell him "the wolf is coming". ....
In short, tell him not to lie. Lying addiction is terrible. No friends, no one to play with, etc.
But the truth is, I find that children sometimes lie or sometimes say nothing.
The author's approach is: little liar, she won't criticize the child directly, but call him to her side and tell him seriously that you were caught by me.
Children will be very nervous when they see this, worried about what to do and the teacher's criticism, and then the teacher said, then buy me a biscuit. And raise your hand high, and finally fall gently. The relaxed and humorous way seems to be punishment, but it is not exaggerated to the point of shock.
If he finds a serious lie, he will talk to the children in BIC way.
Tell the truth first, then talk about the impact of this matter, and then talk about the consequences of this matter.
In this way, children can realize the seriousness of the matter from the conversation, and it is forbidden to mix some personal subjective judgments in the conversation and slander their personality.
I will tell my children about this matter after the talk, and I will still trust you, but I hope you can realize this problem and change it.
There is a sentence in the article: the purpose of punishment is to strengthen trust, not to save it.
2. respect.
Respect children's choice and direction.
In the end, we don't mean to let him go completely, but we can ask him for high standards. On the road of his growth, we should give our suggestions appropriately and give him more opportunities for good choices.
But we must be only advisers, not decision makers.
The real decision makers are the children themselves.
After the author's third daughter graduated from a famous university, she suddenly wanted to be a nanny. The old mother just let nature take its course after repeated unsuccessful persuasion. Naturally, she has her own ideas and supports her, but she will also help her collect some recruitment information on biotechnology and provide it to her. Finally, one day, my daughter decided to go to new york for an interview, and she gradually became fond of genetic testing.
This is exactly the same as our ordinary parents. If this happened to us, our house would have been bombed.
But the mother is quietly waiting for the flowers to bloom.
Give children enough respect.
Parents should have enough goodwill and care, and the children's enthusiasm can be mobilized.
The author met an irritable and inhuman child. He often confronted everyone, and everyone called him a "dangerous" boy.
But the author often secretly observed him, trying to find out his advantages and preferences, and finally found that the child likes shoes and is a shoe expert.
Finally, talk to him, understand his heart and find out the real reason for his "irritability".
Then encourage him and trust him. Finally, with his encouragement, the child was admitted to the university and became an excellent person.
After inspiring enthusiasm, you can discuss with him what a better life is, how to give full play to his talents, how to make him live a more perfect life, and how to show his strength, generation and vitality. But motivation is the most important step.
The author says that to gain respect, we must first learn to respect others. We also hope to get the respect of our children, but only if we adults take the initiative to become people who respect him. We are more educated people, we are more sensible people, and we should take on more responsibilities. It can also teach him that respect is a very important ability. This is the second module, respect.
Here is a very useful way to specify the rules for using electronic products.
We talk about how to use scientific and technological supplies, which is the biggest headache for everyone. For example, mobile phones will affect children's concentration. On this issue, she said that we can make a "Ten Commandments of Science and Technology" with our children.
Tell them first, what problems and harm the mobile phone will have. For example, the influence on eyesight, concentration, in-depth discussion and interpersonal relationship. For example, if we eat at a table and three people look down at their mobile phones, the meal will be boring and will always affect the people around us. The ancients in China said, "If you go to the corner alone, the whole house will be unhappy." Sitting alone in the corner, the room is full of unhappiness.
After telling the children about this negative effect, let's discuss a rule of using mobile phones in our class. Finally, she found that the rules of using the mobile phone discussed by the children were much stricter than what she wanted.
First of all, you can make use plans with your children instead of making plans for them.
Second, whether eating at home or with others, don't use your mobile phone when eating.
Third, don't use your mobile phone after sleeping. Brush your mobile phone after sleeping. That blue light will affect your sleep and the people around you, and it will make you more and more excited.
Fourth, set a reasonable range for children to use mobile phones. Let very young children know that mobile phones can be used to call the police and find their parents. But some things can't be seen casually.
Fifth, when a family goes on vacation, they should be allowed to make their own rules for using mobile phones during weekend activities and any social activities with children present. Also, please make sure that they have made penalties for breaking the rules.
Sixth, for young children, parental control is very important. But for children over 8 years old, it is possible to learn self-control.
Seventh, if parents want their children to learn how to use technology correctly, they should set an example.
If parents are addicted to mobile phones, it's hard for children to see you looking down at them all the time. You hope they can be different from you.
Eighth, you can discuss with your children: which photos can be taken and which sounds can be recorded. To let children know that there is cyber violence, some sounds and pictures will bring great harm.
Ninth, you can explain to them what cyber violence is and help them understand the negative impact of cyber violence, including not only the impact on others, but also on themselves.
Many children make such mistakes because they don't know what not to do. Humor is a feeling that matures very late. If a person really has a mature sense of humor, I'm afraid he won't know which humor is advanced and which is actually harmful until he is 25 or 30 years old.
Adolescent children don't know that adolescent children are happy to see others make a fool of themselves. Do you remember, when we were young, we thought it was too funny, and then we spread it around. Children don't know whether this thing is interesting, humorous or harmful, and there is no such rule in their minds.
Tenth, finally, tell children not to disclose personal information.
This is the "Ten Commandments" of using science and technology supplies, and it is also a way to help children become independent.
A truly independent child will be more determined. We talked about a book called Perseverance. Persistence does not mean that you have to face difficulties in everything. If a person says that I have the quality of perseverance, then what I can hardly do, and what I do painfully, is not perseverance. It's called mental illness, and he will regard suffering as part of success.
In fact, the real perseverance is to have growth-oriented thinking, but when you encounter problems, you won't feel hurt or hit, but you will think about what you can learn. You can give up when it is time to give up, but you will think about what you have learned by giving up this time-he is always growing.
What is the problem with "helicopter parents"? According to the author's observation for many years, she found that "helicopter parents" are easy to cultivate mediocre people.
There are two kinds of perseverance, one is perseverance born for parents, and the other is perseverance born of enthusiasm. What we want to cultivate for our children is perseverance derived from enthusiasm. He likes something and is willing to explore it.
How many children sit there and study until one or two points every night is because of their parents' perseverance. In a short time, you can send him to a good school; It's been useless for a long time. I know many parents will say that it is irresponsible to send it in.
What we want to pursue is the success of children's life. I won't go first, I will say, I am responsible for my face: other people's children go to a good university, so will my children. Your face is very important, which is why you think so. But what will this child's life be like? This is really the most important thing.
The fourth principle is cooperation. The premise of cooperation is trust, respect and independence.
If you have the first three things, then cooperation is natural.
There are two ways of education, one is called cooperative education and the other is called authoritarian education.
To make children become collaborators, we must first change our language style. When you talk to your child, it is not a condescending gesture, not a way of thinking that you must be right and he must be wrong, but a way of discussing and respecting your child as the object of independent thinking.
Secondly, it is also a very effective entrance to cultivate children's cooperative ability and find opportunities to contribute to the family and society.
Third, organize team sports. Let them participate in various sports team competitions, and so on. If you make a mistake, write a reflection. If we make mistakes in cooperation, we can write down what mistakes we made and how we intend to correct them.
Another principle is that example is better than example. If you really want your children to learn to cooperate, you should learn to reduce anxiety yourself. Anxiety is contagious.
What should you do if you are not an ideal role model for children?
She said: It would be better if you are not an ideal role model for children. You let him see the change of his mother and the progress of his father. If mom and dad are always correct role models, there will be no chance to demonstrate. You made a mistake, admit it, and you are willing to improve. This is just an opportunity to show.
Second, pay attention to your behavior and then make up your mind to change. When you can constantly pay attention to your behavior, realize what's wrong with you, and then keep changing. Share your goals with your children and tell them what their mother's goals are now and how I intend to change them. You let your children work with you and let them help you make progress.
Many of our families are constantly helping their children to make progress, but when it comes to your own problems, just say: I am so old, how can I change? Now hope is all on you. This kind of words especially makes children angry and desperate. On the other hand, if you say that you will help my mother change, I can make progress and share your goals with him. At this time, you will change from a bad hand, from a model who will never be an ideal child, to a good hand who can make progress with children.
This is to deal with your own problems with flexible ideas, let your children become your collaborators, and let your children learn to cooperate with others. This is the fourth pillar.
Fifth, goodwill. Kindness makes children warm, caring, considerate and able to understand and care for others.
We should start with courtesy and greetings to our families, cultivate children's good habits, and then cultivate their respect and gratitude to others.
Gratitude can make people happier. Their family will encourage everyone to keep a gratitude diary. When writing a diary every day, some people will stay and say who to thank today and what kind of people to thank.
Bullying is a common negative case on campus. Why are there so many incidents in school bullying? As we said before, teenagers don't know the dividing line between fun and cruelty, and humor can only be cultivated very late. We need to let children know that it is very bad to exclude others and bully others.
More serious harm than bullying is actually exclusion. If a child is isolated in class, the teacher doesn't like the child, which will easily affect other children. How did this teacher do it? In order to ensure that every child has a sense of belonging, every time she brings a new class, she will group the students in this class.
How to group? Write a note by yourself, write down who you want to be with most, and write down three names. After writing, the teacher will put all the notes together. There are always some children who didn't write it. What shall we do? The teacher will not let everyone know that these people are not written, but will group them together.
In this way, she made every child feel that he was liked and cared for, and they formed a group. Many years later, she received a letter from such a student saying how much your activities helped us in those years. Because often these children who don't write their names look timid, a little timid, and the clothes they wear are not good-looking, and they are not tall and easy to be rejected.
These children are under pressure to go to school themselves, and teachers have created opportunities for them to feel that they are liked, cared for and have a group. So these children wrote to her decades later, saying that your move helped us a lot, made our hearts stronger, and made us feel that we had friends and friendships.
If a teacher can not exclude children and, like Esther, have such a small mind to help every child find a sense of belonging, I believe the school will become much better. Only in this way can she become the most respected teacher.
Finally, the author said: Dedication is very important. The so-called goodwill, in a big way, is the dedication to the whole society.
This book is very touching and has a lot to learn. In the future, we should review and study more, learn Buddhism, be less disciplined, be more caring, stimulate children's internal drive, learn to cooperate with children more, and let children take every step of life with independence and goodwill.