1 That is: parents win.

Parents are the real starting line for children. Parents should not think that leaving their children at school and training classes will have nothing to do. In fact, the biggest influence on children is yourself.

Parents should realize what role they play in their children's education.

You can't replace the math teacher to help children with math, nor can you replace the Chinese teacher to teach children to write. Even parents who have this ability are very few.

So what is the essential role of parents in this process?

The first thing is to have a clear idea, that is to say, to have a big vision and understand what are the key nodes in the child's growth process?

You should play the role of a general. You can know what the whole battle is about. Don't dwell too much on the details, but you must not confuse the key points.

Secondly, parents must realize that a particularly important role they play is to accompany and love their children, which can make them feel safe enough.

It is better to know children than to teach them. The difference between master parents and ordinary parents lies in whether you are a gardener or a carpenter.

Let me talk about the second point of parents' 10 bottom thinking: gray cognition.

What is grey cognition? In other words, it should not be black or white.

For example, we can often see some discussions, that is, which is more important, exam-oriented education or quality education?

There is something wrong with this topic itself. He put exam-oriented education and quality education in the role of binary opposition, as if you are either inclined to exam-oriented education or quality education.

But think about the excellent children around you, there are really no nerds who study hard.

We can say that exam-oriented education and quality education are actually interlinked at the bottom, that is, the ability to think and solve problems, the ability to learn and make progress quickly from mistakes, and these abilities are interlinked.

Instead of obsessing about whether exam-oriented education is more important or quality education is more important, we should find the similarities between the two and then develop our own part of the ability.

Ok, just now we talked about the first two points in the underlying logic of 10. Let's talk about the third point first: choice is as important as hard work.

Have you ever found that when we grow up, we will think of our friends and classmates around us. Some people are smart and hard-working, but they are not so happy, but some people don't look so smart and didn't go to a good school, but they seem to live a good life.

Why? People who live well are actually people who make better choices.

It's a bit like a sentence: men are afraid of getting into the wrong business, women are afraid of marrying the wrong husband, and cars are afraid of not being able to navigate.

The same goes for children's education. Many times, the choice of a key intersection will be more important than efforts.

Because of the current educational environment, children have more and more choices, including the choice of the direction of further study, the choice of schools and the choice of special subjects. Compared with 20 years ago, it is completely different. So how do you get to these key intersections?

This choice must be made by parents with the help of their children.

Many times, choosing to do well can really make children's efforts more valuable. Then, can children's future be designed and planned, and how can we ensure that the decisions we make for children are correct?

This is our fourth point: randomness and optimal solution.

Some people think that children's future is still so long, how to plan? Because the world is full of uncertainty, so is the growth of children.

In fact, we will understand the concepts of randomness and optimal solution in this part.

Randomness means that the world is full of uncertainty, and unexpected things often happen, such as what are we going to do this holiday? But often after the holiday, you will find that many things are not quite the same as planned.

Let's go back to the topic of children's education. My opinion is that children's growth should be kept random, but parents must pursue the optimal solution of children's growth law.

For example, whether a child is good at swimming or playing chess is actually random. Maybe we should find a way to find out and let the child explore which one he is better at or likes better.

But if we go back to swimming and playing chess, these two things are actually regular and have optimal solutions, such as how old children start swimming, what strokes should they start with, and what are the scientific training methods.

The optimal solution we are talking about is not to use this thing to hard frame the child, but in the process of the child's random growth, once he shows some characteristics, we can provide the optimal solution for this randomness.

Similarly, the child's future route cannot be designed. You don't know whether he studies mathematics or history, nor do you know whether he will study at home or abroad in the future. These are uncertain and random, but you must know the law of each route, which is the optimal solution.

Fifth point: let knowledge run through the whole body.

In fact, I think the most important thing for children in China is their hands-on ability, which is broad. For example, if he learns parabola in class, let him play ball and let him experience parabola more intuitively in the process of pitching.

For example, we let our children go to various etiquette classes. The best etiquette class is to let them put away their bowls at home every day and then say thank you to the parents who cook. This is more important than anything.

Of course, it is more important to let children sleep well and exercise more. Many times, we let our children go to various brain training camps, but we don't know that from a scientific point of view, perhaps letting children sleep well is far more helpful to brain development than going to training camps.

Sixth point: let children become people with growth thinking.

Professor Carol Dwek once discussed the difference between "fixed thinking mode" and "growth thinking mode".

People with growth thinking mode believe that everything can not be separated from personal efforts, and the world is full of interesting challenges to help us learn and grow.

People with fixed thinking patterns think that their intelligence and ability are certain and will not change, while others' evaluation is to draw conclusions for themselves. Therefore, they are extremely concerned about the external evaluation. What matters is not the fun of the thing itself, but that I want to get a positive evaluation.

It is necessary to avoid letting children become people with fixed thinking patterns, and encourage children to dare to act, try and make mistakes, and grow up quickly in mistakes.

Seventh point: let children develop various comprehensive abilities as soon as possible.

So what does this comprehensive ability include?

Let me briefly say a few points. First, earning power. A study shows that what is the most important factor for a person to become a millionaire in the future? At this time, children will start to make money by themselves, even if they set up stalls to sell cookies.

Other important social skills include speech ability, leadership ability, ability to help others and so on.

Eighth: Don't compare your children with others.

Every child is unique, there is no need to compare with others.

The most important thing is that you can find out your child's strengths and specialties, and then try to establish his strengths in his life.

There is a saying in Weiqi called "winning by superiority", which means that you should concentrate your superior forces and beat your opponent where you are good at it, instead of fighting with your opponent where you are not good at it.

But parents often really push their children to death in places they don't like and are not good at.

Ninth: Let children be with powerful people.

Parents themselves should try to communicate with powerful parents.

I have a friend whose child was admitted to a very good university, Carnegie Mellon, the year before last, but in fact, his child was in a very poor state until two years before the college entrance examination.

Later, a key turning point was that he sent his children to a summer camp. There are many excellent children in this camp. My friend's child suddenly woke up. She said that there are so many clever and powerful children who are still so diligent, and I want to be such a child, so he made rapid progress at the last minute and was admitted to the top universities in the world.

Point 10: Parents have plans and children have a future.

A Harvard research report shows that children with planned families are more likely to succeed in the future.

In fact, we are in an era of super change. Think about it carefully, almost all the most powerful companies in our real world are digital technology companies, and we are in an era of digitalization, informationization and globalization.

A lot of what I learned as a child and what I had before are actually out of date. The world is changing by leaps and bounds, and technology will change the world more strongly in the next 20 years.

However, the educational model adopted by the whole modern school is still the product of the industrial revolution era. Therefore, it is certain that education in China will undergo great changes in the next few years.

Therefore, parents should also quickly improve their cognition in this process. We can't make ourselves computer experts, nor can we make ourselves education experts who can teach mathematics and Chinese. But we must know the basic laws of education and master the ten bottom-level thinking I just mentioned, so as to really help children in the process of growing up and make them become very powerful and competitive people in the next twenty or thirty years.

Parents' cognition determines the height of a child's life.