First, the psychology of contemporary young college students in individual conversations.
In individual conversations, the psychological state of college students is different. Among them, psychology with universality and regularity has the following types:
1, voyeurism. This kind of psychology will appear at any time in individual conversations. For example, after students suddenly received the notice that the counselor wanted to talk to him, they began to ponder the content of individual conversations. At the beginning of individual conversation, the student pays great attention to the counselor's expression, eyes and language wording, and spies and guesses the purpose of individual conversation.
2. Joey. In individual conversations, counselors give affirmation, praise and encouragement to students' thoughts, study and life, and students often show a happy and joyful mood after listening.
3. Angry psychology. When the counselor's criticism or conversation is exaggerated, or it is quite different from the facts, students will feel wronged. At this time, if the counselor does not ask or listen to the students' statements of critical facts, but still criticizes them with even fierce words, it will induce students' disgust, which will lead to sudden changes in students' emotions and even contradictions.
4. Sad psychology. Students' families suddenly encounter natural disasters or man-made disasters, such as parents' divorce, relatives' death, personal love twists and turns and so on. They often show sad feelings.
5. Anxiety. This is more common among introverted students. These students pay too much attention to the difficulties or unfavorable factors in their study and future life caused by family environment and lack self-confidence, so they feel sad and worried.
6. Regret. This accounts for a large proportion of competitive students. They want to face anything bravely. But on the way forward, they are also easy to affect their personal emotions because of accidental mistakes. When the counselor talks to him alone, such students often regret their unexpected mistakes.
7. Expectation psychology. Because a student has made remarkable achievements or made major mistakes in his work, he often urgently expects the counselor to talk to him quickly and know the evaluation or treatment results of the organization. In individual conversations, such students are very attentive and all ears.
8. defensive psychology. This is more common among underachievers. Underachievers are instinctively wary when they hear that the counselor wants to talk to them. And often think nervously, analyze possible conversations, and form defensive psychology.
Second, the method of talking with students individually.
1, the development process of personal conversation
Talking to students individually also has a development process. Generally, it can be divided into three stages: beginning, association and ending.
(1) Dialogue begins. You can talk about some things that students care about and are interested in first, so that the conversationalists can have common words, create emotional cycles, communicate ideas and break each other's defensive psychology.
(2) Dialogue is relevant. Counselors closely describe the topic of the conversation, closely related to each other, spread out layer by layer, and gradually develop in depth, forming the climax of "emotional resonance" and completing the purpose of the conversation.
(3) the end of the conversation. Observe the students' mood and look, analyze the inner contradictions that may be caused by the conversation, listen patiently to each other's statements or attitudes, and put forward their own hopes and demands in a targeted manner.
2. Grasp the main points of personal conversation
Learning and mastering the essentials of individual conversation can maximize the effect of individual conversation. Generally speaking, the following points should be noted:
(1) The way you speak depends on the topic. There is always a central topic when counselors talk to students individually. Therefore, the specific way of personal conversation should be determined according to how to achieve the best effect on the central topic. In practice, there are several common methods:
Query type. Get to know students by asking questions. Inquiry can be divided into direct inquiry, that is, straight to the point, straight to the point to ask questions; Implicit inquiry, that is, tactfulness, temptation and suggestion.
Comment style. That is, in individual conversations, students are divided into two parts to comment, affirm their achievements, point out problems and raise hopes. This method is well adapted to students' expectation psychology.
Discussion style. This method is often used to explain homework to students individually. Counselors explain the methods and measures of mutual research tasks to students in a consulting tone. This way helps to eliminate students' anxiety.
Logically, in personal conversation, combined with the important events that happened to the interviewee, a truth is clarified and described by combining theory with practice.
Instigate That is, in individual conversations, counselors are on the defensive, patiently and seriously listening to students' criticisms, opinions and suggestions.
walk That is, having individual conversations during walks and after-school activities is conducive to enlivening the atmosphere of individual conversations, making both sides feel at home, thus eliminating students' nervousness.
(2) The conversation mood should be adjusted randomly. Counselors' emotions directly affect the effect of individual conversations with students. Therefore, psychological counselors should be good at creating a good "mood" for themselves with a calm mind and stable emotions, so that they can infect each other through the speaker's language, movements and facial expressions. While arousing "emotional resonance", we should adjust our "emotions" in time according to the progress and development of the conversation, so as to adapt them, thus promoting the completion of individual conversation.
(3) Conversational language varies from person to person. Language is a tool for personal dialogue. If the language is used well, it can be "sincere, and the stone is open." The use of language in individual conversations should vary from person to person, and "eat when you see food". For example, students studying in cities are more knowledgeable and receptive, and can have meaningful dialogues in philosophical language; For students enrolled in rural areas, you can talk to them in some simple languages. For students with good cultural foundation or comprehensive quality, you can use some elegant and shining languages as much as possible, such as famous sayings and aphorisms. Students with poor cultural foundation or poor comprehensive quality can use simple language and easily touch the heartstrings. If all the conversations with students with good cultural foundation or comprehensive quality are used for students with poor cultural foundation or comprehensive quality, or all the conversations with introverted students are used for extroverted students, the effect will often be counterproductive.
Third, some problems that should be paid attention to in individual conversations
1, carefully prepared
Seriously making necessary preparations is one of the basic conditions for the success of individual conversations. Only by "knowing yourself" can we be "in an invincible position". That is what we often say "a key opens a lock". Before the conversation, the counselor should conduct a detailed and in-depth investigation and study, conduct a comprehensive investigation and analysis of the personality and psychological characteristics of the interviewee, such as thoughts, study, work and life, temperament, personality, ability and interest, and make clear the main ideological problems and their essence, the roots of ideological problems and their personality and psychological characteristics. At the same time, analyze the relationship between yourself and the interviewee in detail, and predict the possible influence and effect of your own views, understanding, attitudes and feelings on the interviewee. Several schemes can be considered and adjusted in time according to the needs of the conversation.
2. Timing
Individual conversations should not only use appropriate language and methods, but also choose appropriate time. Sometimes individual conversations are early, and the other party will not listen, which is easy to form a frozen situation; It's too late to say that times have changed, and it's easy to miss the opportunity and become "Monday morning quarterback". How to choose the right time for personal conversation? There are usually the following methods:
(1) Determine the opportunity to talk according to students' individual psychological characteristics.
After the problem occurs, students with different personalities and psychological characteristics have different psychological States, so we should choose the opportunity to talk according to their characteristics. For example, for the so-called impatient and bloody students, after they have problems, we should not engage in "hyperthermia" and wait until they are "cold"; For the so-called introverted, slimy and depressed students, they should talk in time after problems arise, otherwise the ideological burden will become heavier and heavier, and even accidents will occur.
(2) according to the students' ideological fluctuations to determine the timing of the conversation.
Students' thoughts are easily influenced by objective things, such as selecting cadres, joining the party, rewarding, praising, punishing, criticizing, changes in academic performance, making friends with strangers, changes in family life and so on. Can cause students' ideological changes. Counselors should seize the above opportunities in time and talk to students individually.
(3) According to the students' emotional changes, determine the time of conversation.
In the process of individual conversation, when students feel disgusted and rebellious, the counselor will stop individual conversation at the right time. Afterwards, he carefully analyzed the reasons for the other party's emotional changes, came up with countermeasures, and then decided to arrange another conversation.
3. Effect test
The main sign to test the effect of individual talks is to see whether the internal positive factors of the interviewees, that is, students, are mobilized through individual talks, whether students are prompted to consciously analyze their subjective world with the scalpel of "self-evaluation", and whether the "internal drive" of self-education overcomes the negative psychological state and exerts their subjective initiative. In short, the test of individual conversation effect depends on students' behavior in study, work and life. Of course, usually individual conversations can't fully achieve the expected results, and they can't solve all problems once and for all. Counselors' work with students is not only a repetitive process, but also a deepening process.
I learned this from the internet, combined with our actual situation, and applied it flexibly to help us do it well.