How to be a good father? On the issue of educating children, many fathers stick to the so-called educational content and principles, ignoring the timing and methods of education, and making the relationship with their children very stiff. The process of education is actually the process of parents passing on their feelings to their children.

A father once said to me, "It is my father's fault to raise and not teach." It is my duty as a father to correct and educate my children anytime and anywhere. "His 15-year-old son said," I don't think my father ever liked me. In his eyes, I am full of problems, and my existence makes him unhappy. "When a father regards disciplining his children as a responsibility and is afraid that others will say that he has not done his duty, he will lose the ability of love and communication. This kind of education lacks recognition of good relations. The more so, the more you can "drive your child to Liangshan" and produce rebellious psychology.

In most families, fathers are keen to play an authoritative role, which makes education a wishful thing. As children grow up, such authority will be challenged. Psychologists believe that fathers should share their feelings with their children first, instead of always acting as mentors. In addition, educating children must be based on good intimate relationships, and the influence of relationships is greater than the content of education. —— yjbys.com

The first critical period: after the child is two years old. At this time, the father can enter the mother-child relationship circle like an "annoying" third party. In the west, it is a common understanding to let two-year-old children have separate bedrooms to promote their psychological growth. Children and mothers in China can sleep to a great extent. It is no exaggeration to say that many children's psychological problems are caused by this. ——

The second critical period: when the child is 6 years old. At this time, the father should actively participate in family interaction and the establishment of rules. The only child brings many challenges to family relations. Parents and children need to form an emotional triangle with each other in order to balance family relations. If a father wants to be kind to his children, he must first have deep feelings with his wife.

The third critical period: the child's adolescence. Compared with mothers, fathers who are used to leaving home are more likely to accept and agree with their children's independence. In traditional culture, fathers are often marginal people in the family. They are willing to break into this world and leave their children to their mothers. This kind of father likes to come back and induce adult boys to leave home, take risks with him and enjoy life. Because of the only child, modern fathers play more non-traditional roles, which makes children lose their natural allies and good guides. Modern fathers are subconsciously afraid of losing their only child. They are afraid that their children will be separated from them when they grow up, so they are willing to let their children grope for growth in the inner confusion of the night.

Stones from other mountains: foreign fathers participate in parenting. Let's take a look at fathers' participation in parenting in other countries. It may be a culture, a foreign culture, but it is enlightening for all fathers who love their children.

1. Israel: traditionally, men's authority has been valued. Since kindergarten, men and women have been taught separately. In this case, there is no difference between men and women, and men and women are treated equally in housework and work. In Israel, 95% of both husband and wife work, so it is natural for men to do housework or look after children at home. In addition, there is the custom that fathers talk to their children alone every Sabbath.

2. Britain: British men are famous for attaching importance to parenting. In order to send their children to famous universities, British fathers have attached importance to education since their children were young.

Germany: Germans spend a lot of time at home. Most people work from 7: 30 in the morning to 4: 00 in the afternoon, and so does school. Then most people didn't get together with friends and colleagues, but immediately went home to spend these warm and harmonious times with their families. Most fathers in Germany regard building a house for their families as their greatest wish, and the intimacy between families can be seen.

4. Norway: In Norway, women enjoy paid maternity leave for one year, while men enjoy paid maternity leave for up to four weeks. The Act was promulgated on 1979. So far, about 70% of fathers have taken advantage of this holiday, and Norwegian fathers believe that it is their right to protect their children.

There are fewer and fewer mental patients.

Children often suffer from insomnia, daze, timidity, or illness. Experts say that there are fewer and fewer patients with mental illness.

Feng is a sixth-grade primary school student. He struggled with insomnia when he was in the third grade. In severe cases, he counted from 1 to 100. It's no use repeating it many times. He finally fell asleep and soon woke up suddenly, up to four times a night. If he doesn't sleep well, his head will hurt badly. He felt as if he had been enchanted. —— yjbys.com

Professor Zhen Zhongke, secretary-general of Beijing Psychological Society, and other psychologists have found that more and more primary school students often have neurasthenia symptoms such as headache, insomnia and memory loss. Professor Zhen said that neurosis used to be more common in adolescence or young people, but now it is not difficult to see it in children. This should attract the attention of teachers and parents. Many problems in children's lives may lead to big problems. ——

Professor Zhen suggested that parents should pay attention to their children's behavior changes and reasons in their lives, and communicate with their children more to see if they have psychological obstacles, such as anxiety, which are manifested as tension, trouble and anxiety; Obsessive-compulsive disorder is characterized by sensitivity and suspicion, excessive restraint, over-thinking, indecision, attention to details and striving for perfection; Phobia is manifested as cowardice, timidity and fear, and there is always insecurity in the heart; We should also pay special attention to observe whether the child has the performance of "somatization of psychological problems", that is, after the child has some psychological confusion, such as nervousness and anxiety, parents or doctors are told of somatization symptoms such as headache, insomnia, gastrointestinal discomfort and listlessness.

Parents and the whole society should pay enough attention to the phenomenon of younger mental illness, and cultivate children to face the future life with a healthy attitude from an early age.

An in-depth analysis of the psychological characteristics of "Maidou clan"

Unwilling to live in a humble abode, young people born after 1980s in Chinese mainland are struggling to own a house of their own. This is the "McDull clan". —— yjbys.com

——

Mcdull in the cartoon is an ordinary pig. It has no family to show off, no extraordinary intelligence, and it is very ordinary. But McDull is not worried about this. He is down-to-earth, optimistic and leads a simple and happy life. In reality, there are also a group of people similar to McDull. Born in the 1980s, they came from an ordinary family, worked hard in big cities, struggled silently, and realized their dreams step by step through hard work. They are the object of another new term on the Internet-"McDull clan", especially the post-80s struggle group in big cities.

Who is the "McDull clan"?

The so-called "McDull clan" refers to a group of ordinary little people born after 1980s. Unlike the "rich second generation", they have no prominent family background and work hard to make a living in the city. They are typical grass roots. Do everything yourself, and the dream of buying a house and a car must be realized through your own efforts.

Three characteristics of "McDull clan"

The word "McDull clan" quickly became popular on the Internet after its birth, and netizens specially summarized several characteristics of this group.

"Three noes": "Unequal", "Don't" and "Rely on" are the primary criteria for judging "McDull clan". After 80' s, "McDull clan" found shelter in big cities through down-to-earth struggle. They have no connections from their parents to rely on, and they will never ask their families for material help after work. Many McDull families have to send living expenses regularly to support their parents.

Positive optimism: Although the great pressure of life often makes them breathless, the "McDull family" always maintains the optimism of McDull in cartoons: they will not give in to reality, and difficulties and setbacks will not erase their simple and beautiful dreams. "Survive calmly in the cruel competition and find your own life track".

Want to have a house: "McDull clan" hopes to make great efforts and take root in a big city is their biggest dream. Or hold several jobs to save money to pay the down payment, or save money to pay for the house and fight for it wholeheartedly.

The McDull Family seeks happiness.

"The house price is nearly 10,000 yuan, and the little people who work hard in big cities have become McDull. How easy is it to find a place to live? " Some people lamented. The netizen "walking in the rivers and lakes" posted a self-proclaimed "McDougall". He expressed his views on online complaints: "I am a student from the countryside and have worked hard in Beijing for many years. I understand that I can only rely on myself. After my efforts, I bought a house in a big city. " He believes that as long as they are positive and persistent, the "McDull clan" will also live a happy life.

Many "McDull" netizens think that the lyrics "When have you seen the world change for people ..." in Song of Ordinary People can best reflect their feelings. "Being helpless in a big city is really helpless, but complaining can only increase your troubles. The world will not change for the sake of individuals, and only by continuous efforts can we strive for happiness. "

Experts suggest that "McDull clan" should keep a correct attitude.

Draw up life expectation according to your own ability. Self-struggle, positive, this unequal and independent spirit of struggle and independent personality is very valuable, and it is also very valuable. This spirit is also very beneficial to their future success.

Revealing the cohabitation psychology of college students: indulgence under the love archway

The cohabitation of college students has always been the focus of attention. After several times of "hot speculation", a new round of debate has recently been set off because of an online report on college students' cohabitation. Compared with the disasters in previous years, it can be seen that today's society has great tolerance for unmarried cohabitation of college students. Is it because people are numb to this phenomenon, or because people's ideas have changed? —— yjbys.com

Indulgence under the arch of love-

In today's society, the topic of "cohabitation" can neither make a fuss nor make people blush. Once upon a time, unmarried "cohabitation" was considered an immoral treason. Unconsciously, with the continuous development of society, the attitude of society towards such things has changed from condemnation to tolerance to numbness to today's "connivance", and cohabitation has immediately become a fashion and a declaration for new youth to show off their love victory.

With the progress of society, the concept of sex is undergoing a revolution, and the traditional concept of marriage and love is facing great challenges. Pupils are precocious, middle school students are popular with puppy love, and college students begin to live together. According to the psychological survey data of college students published by relevant institutions, 70% of college students are not opposed to cohabitation before marriage. Cohabitation among college students is becoming a worldwide problem.

Most college students are between 18-25 years old, that is to say, whether psychologically or physically, they are in an increasingly mature stage, and adolescence is a process from childish to mature. However, today's college students are at a critical moment when they are both naive and mature. With the residual characteristics of naivety and weak resistance to temptation, and the younger age of sexual maturity, many college students have had sexual experiences. So under such circumstances, college students are moving towards cohabitation.

At the same time, many people regard cohabitation as a symbol of love. At present, college students are mature in intelligence, instinct and sexual function. They often combine sexual consciousness with love closely and have strong sexual impulse. The survey shows that almost all cohabitants have had sex, and students who have had premarital sex account for a large proportion. In addition, marginality accounts for a considerable proportion, almost equal to the proportion of falling in love.

Not long ago, a survey conducted by teachers of Hebei University on 12 colleges and universities showed that nearly 30% of students thought that college students' love was "not for eternity, but for possession" and was "a love view of mutual desire without condemnation". And many students are tolerant of college students' cohabitation. A survey conducted in 26 universities across the country shows that more than 60% of college students approve of premarital sex, which is 25% higher than that ten years ago.

Among the dozens of students interviewed by the reporter, few people are against falling in love and living together. Some students think that love is normal, but now some college students' love motivation is often not out of love itself, but to make up for inner emptiness and loneliness, or to follow the crowd. Also, in order to show my charm, I associate with several students of the opposite sex at the same time, and I am not even sure who I am in love with.

A junior at Beijing Normal University said that the university campus is the epitome of social life and cannot exist in isolation from the social environment. College students' attitude towards love is more influenced by social culture. Romantic movies, rosy Valentine's Day, classic plots of idol dramas, and emotional topics on the Internet all make young hearts thump. What's more, college students are all adults. Whether they are in love or living together, they have their own judgment and can be responsible for their actions.

From the environmental point of view, college students live together, information dissemination is developed, college students have many channels to receive information, and their understanding of sex is relatively advanced, which inevitably conflicts with some established concepts in society. Although the marriage of college students has been recognized, it is not so easy to implement, so there is a running-in process between the new system and the old concepts and systems, so college students as a group are looking for a suitable method and conditions to meet their sexual needs. Therefore, renting a house outside has become their best choice.

The "ruminating" mentality inhibits happiness.

My name is Xiao Xia, and I am a high school student. I have been depressed for a long time. Father became more and more demented because he took the wrong medicine because he was ill. My mother is ill because of overwork all the year round. Under such difficult conditions, my mother still dragged her sick body to work in the fields, but she didn't let me drop out of school. However, when I sit in the classroom, my mind always imagines my father's illness and my mother's hard work, and their figures always shake in front of me. I often seem to understand and listen to what the teacher says. I have always wanted to repay my parents' kindness with excellent grades, but I just can't settle down to study. Seeing the happiness of my classmates' family, I always feel that happiness is theirs, and I have nothing. This time, a classmate's mother was also seriously ill. I feel sorry for her and think of my parents, so I often cry. I really want to calm down and study, but I can't erase my parents' painful expressions. I'm really annoyed myself. It's so disappointing. What should I do? —— yjbys.com

Xiao Xia's psychological performance is actually a reaction of excessive sympathy. When people encounter sad and painful things, they will always cause inner shock, thus producing sad emotions. If this kind of psychological performance is excessive, it will form emotional depression, and its obvious performance will become a psychological phenomenon of "ruminating". ——

"Ruminating" psychology refers to the psychological phenomenon that people and things experienced in the past often reappear in their minds with emotional aftertaste. Often manifested in those who have suffered a major blow in their lives and are emotionally fragile. Characterized in that:

First, aftertaste, always keep the past in mind and chew it carefully.

Second, return, often live in the people and things you recall, so that life in different places occupies the living space in front of you.

Third, depression often puts itself in a painful life scene, which makes it suffer emotional blows repeatedly, leading to more and more depression.

Generally speaking, "ruminating" psychology is a normal psychological phenomenon, and everyone will have this psychological performance. But if you ruminate excessively, it is a negative psychological phenomenon. This kind of psychology will only increase people's emotional burden, make people far away from reality and fall into a melancholy predicament. Seriously, it will become emotional depression.

It is suggested that Xiao Xia adopt the following methods for psychological correction:

First of all, we should correctly understand the role of compassion. Xiao Xia's "rumination" psychology stems from strong sympathy, and he is immersed in pity for his parents almost all day. It should be said that normal people should have compassion, but we should see that the role of compassion is limited after all. Compassion alone cannot solve parents' problems. If you blindly fall into the predicament of compassion, it may aggravate your parents' sadness. The best way to relieve parents' pain is to create their own healthy study life and excellent academic performance with practical actions. At the same time, we should also realize that excessive sympathy may become a heavy mental burden and constitute a huge mental pressure, which may eventually destroy a person's will. So if a person wants to live a normal life, he can only maintain normal compassion, that is, moderate compassion. At the same time, he should also turn this sympathy into concrete actions, rather than just staying in the emotional field.

Secondly, it is necessary to vent reasonably. Staying in your heart for a long time will only increase your psychological burden, and finding someone to talk to is a good way to relieve stress. Speech is an output, and it is the deletion and emptying of repeated information in the heart.

Again, divert attention. Integrate into the present life, participate in the collective life, and experience happiness from the present life. People can't always live in the past or long-distance relationships. Grasping every day is the most important thing.

Finally, be good at comparison. Don't always think that your family is the most unfortunate family in the world. Compared with those rich families, it will only increase the pain. We should also think that there are other families who are more unfortunate than ourselves, and others are actively living. What's more, my family also has its own advantages. Although the parents are in poor health and the family's economic situation is poor, the family is harmonious and the parents love themselves very much, which some families lack. You know, I live in a loving family. In this sense, I am the happiest person in the world.

How can we keep children from lying?

What do you mean by lying? Lying is a verbal manifestation of deception and deception. This kind of cheating and cheating is the most unacceptable. Generally speaking, it is directly or indirectly harmful to the country and the nation. Take those corrupt officials for example. They are typical people who are used to telling lies. In a word, it is enough to bankrupt a person's personality. —— yjbys.com

The first is the loss of self-esteem. One can't live without self-esteem. If he loses his self-esteem and doesn't value himself, he will give up on himself and do anything. The second is to lose credit and get no sympathy and help from others. Isn't there a story about "the shepherd and the wolf"? When the shepherd lied for the first time and shouted "Wolf is coming" on the mountain, others listened and rushed to chase the wolf for him, but he just thought he had cheated others once. I didn't know that such a lie had sown the seeds of dishonesty. The real wolf is coming. When he panicked and shouted "Wolf is coming", people thought he was lying again and didn't come to save him. As a result, he was killed by a wolf. ——

Lincoln said: "you can deceive a few people, but you can't deceive most people;" You can lie for a while, but you can't lie for a lifetime. "What a pertinent sentence this is!

Lying is by no means accidental, it must be a habit of lying, and most of this habit of lying is cultivated from childhood. So what I want to say is how to make children not lie. To prevent children from lying, we must first understand the reasons why children lie. Why do children lie? I want to:

(1) Children are afraid of being scolded by their parents or teachers: some parents will scold or beat their children whenever they do something wrong. Children are afraid of scolding and beating, so they lie to cover up their mistakes and get forgiveness from their parents or teachers. So if they make mistakes for the second time and the third time, they lie again to get forgiveness.

(2) Escape from reality: Sometimes when a child is unwilling or unable to do something, it is called a headache! I have a stomachache! Deceiving parents or teachers with all kinds of lies will often win their sympathy, so they will often lie to shirk their responsibilities in their later lives.

(3) Good reputation and saving face: He said that he lied when he did something he didn't do well, but he was rewarded and had a glorious face; He did it originally, but he didn't do it well. For fear of losing face, he said he didn't do it and lied.

(4) Greedy: Many children lie to eat, and some children cheat in exams in order to get high scores or prizes, and insist that their skills are superior. It's all about greed.

What should parents do?

Everyone knows the reason why children lie, so how to correct him and cultivate the habit of honesty?

First of all, you should know your child: you should know what your child is willing to do, what he can do and what he hopes to get. Understand the child's psychology and ability, and then let him do it. In the process of doing it, you should help him find problems and overcome difficulties.

It's hard to get rewards for doing things successfully. We should eliminate his motivation to lie and encourage him to do it honestly.

The second hint: There are two kinds of hints. One is a positive hint. For example, there are two children together, one is honest and the other likes to lie. You should praise and reward honest children, so that lying children will be moved and embark on the road of honesty. The second is counter-suggestion. For example, if your child comes to report something to you, you should trust him and don't say it. "Really, don't lie to me." When you say that, you are planting a seed of lying in the child's mind, thinking that lying can be deceived. Be sure to use positive hints to touch children, and don't use negative hints to motivate children to lie.

The third example: parents or teachers should set an example, do honest things, and don't lie in front of their children. We know that children are the best imitators. If you hear it, you will follow suit. Sometimes you can tell him stories about honest children, such as the story of Washington cutting down a cherry tree when he was a child. One day, Washington cut down a cherry tree in the garden. His father was very angry when he learned about it. Washington quickly admitted that he cut it. Instead of blaming him, his father praised him and encouraged him to be honest everywhere like this. In the future, Washington did everything honestly and never lied, and finally achieved great things. You can tell a child such a story and take the characters in the story as his role models. There is a bad example. For example, a mother wants to play cards instead of entertaining guests. She told her children, "If guests come, you can say that mom is not at home." When the guest came, the child lied according to his mother's words: "Mom is not at home." This is a bad example, and it is easy for children to form the habit of lying. He can cheat guests according to his mother's words, and naturally he can cheat others according to his own meaning, even his mother. Therefore, we should set a good example and never set a bad one.

Our parents or teachers should pay attention to these three points at any time and place to ensure that children do not lie and establish honest habits.