Few parents don't love their children. However, just having love is sometimes not enough. Many times, in the name of love, we will do many things that are ineffective or even harmful to children. We may punish the child because we love him and think it is a way to teach him something, or because we want him to be outstanding, because we want him to do his best, because we love him. We will also overprotect our children and scold them, all in the name of love. In fact, love is easy. But it is not easy to be good at educating them.

(2)

Kind and firm educational state: state is always more important than methods and skills.

What kind of academic qualifications do parents need? See life, see the light behind life.

Kindness comes from life's pity and love for life, and firmness comes from soul's awe and solemnity for soul.

There is also the pursuit and desire of "belonging" and "value" in life.

Children are coming into this world from a state of symbiosis with their mothers. The careful love of his parents gave him a "sense of belonging" and a "sense of security" again.

The active support of his parents made him feel the "value" of life.

If all parenting behaviors make children confused and suspicious of "sense of belonging" and "sense of value", it is violence.

The use of tools is behavioral, and the inner perception and response to life desire is the most powerful.

Parents should be conscious: will my words make children feel love and belonging? Can what I do help children experience value and strength?

(3)

After dinner, we took our daughter along the pedestrian street and went to a boutique. My daughter saw a set of toy maintenance tools in the window.

Our daughter told us, "This set of toys is exactly the same as the one I gave Lele last time."

Lele is a friend's son, one year younger than Xixi. This year is May Day. The first time I went to Lele's hometown, I bought this set of maintenance tools and toys as gifts. Because of boys, we thought we would like them. After we brought it here, the two children began to play.

Xixi also likes this set of tools. When I saw it this time, I naturally clamored to buy it. Dad said that the toy I bought you last time was a doll, don't you remember? But Xixi just wouldn't listen.

Dad squatted down and said, "I know you really want to buy this toy now, and I hope I can buy you all the toys you want, but now we can't buy this toy because your pocket money is not enough for you to buy this toy." If you really want this toy, do you think there is any way to buy it? "

Xixi calmed down a little after listening to his father's words, but he was still a little uncomfortable. Dad encouraged her again. "Think about it, what good idea can you come up with?"

Xixi said, "Then when I have pocket money, can I buy it?"

"Well, you can save money to buy it. Is there anything else? "

"And I can borrow it from Lele!"

"That's right! But Lele is so far away from us, what if we can't borrow it? "

"Then I'll borrow it from him next time we visit him."

"ok!" In this way, the crying of buying toys ended in the conversation between father and daughter.

I also hope to buy you all the toys you want-to recognize your child's feelings and agree with his fantasy wishes.

But now we can't buy this toy, because your pocket money is not enough for you to buy this toy. To tell the truth to the child, you can't buy this toy.

If you really want this toy, what do you think is the way to buy it? Encourage children to find solutions.

Finally, I didn't buy toys for my children-I persisted with my actions.

Children like toys and want to buy them home almost as soon as they see them. There are many toys at home, but it is always better for children to say hello to her in the shop. We can't satisfy children's desire to buy toys indefinitely. Because children's wishes are endless. We should let our children know that sometimes their parents can't meet all their needs.

(4)

Emile of Rousseau wrote: "Do you know any way to make your child suffer? That is, let him have whatever he wants. The more he gets, the more he wants. Sooner or later, you have to refuse him. This unexpected rejection hurt him far more than he was not satisfied. "

After I posted this in a circle of friends, a mother sent me a long article. She said that she was very moved to see my words, because she had differences with her parents on the concept of parenting, and she couldn't watch her children cry, so children often got what they wanted by crying. This situation is really a lot. We are all afraid of children crying because crying is really annoying.

We Bauer are now over one year old and have just learned to cry to achieve our goals. Dad Xi said that as long as it is not painful or uncomfortable, you can make him cry for a while.

We understand his feelings. For example, when he looks for food at home, grandma usually satisfies him. We don't even cry, but we will admit his strong desire to eat: well, mom knows you really want to eat now! He will say: I really want to eat! I said, yes, I'd love to. Are you sad that mom won't give you food? He said: I am very sad. Then I hugged him and patted him on the back, and he sobbed on my shoulder, usually slowly.

When we can't satisfy the child's desire for something, we should admit the child's feelings, and we can satisfy the child's desire in a fantasy way. For example, this is what I did to my daughter. If she wants to eat cake, she will cry!

We said, "Wow! Your tears tell us that you really want to eat cake now! "

She nodded, still crying!

We said, "If only there were a big cake now! How big a cake do you want? "

She will make a gesture with her hand.

We said, "Do you want this big? If it were me, I think it would be nice to have a cake as big as a table! "

The child smiled and said, "There can't be such a big cake!" " "

I said, "I want a cake the size of a house?" Then we excitedly imagined what this cake as big as a house was like!

When the child is in a better mood, I will tell her that cake is a dessert and can't be eaten often. You can eat properly on your birthday, and the child will accept it.

(5)

Generally, if we control children's snacks, we will also give them a proper amount every day, instead of not giving them at all. Because I met a child, her mother was very angry when she saw her eating snacks, and sometimes she grabbed it and threw it in the trash can. When the children are playing in our house, if the mother is there, we will resolutely refuse to take snacks unless the mother agrees. When mom is away, she eats her own food, grabs it directly from our children and wolfs it down immediately. This is over-control.

Including TV, we allow children to watch it for half an hour every day. She timed herself with an hourglass. Now she has consciously put down the hourglass when the TV is on and found something to do by herself when the TV is off. Sometimes I forget. Let us remind you.

Now some parents are deeply influenced by "unconditional parenting" and "tolerant parenting", and feel that they should satisfy their children unconditionally and try their best to satisfy them. So it will be controlled by children. When I need to refuse, I find that children can't accept such rejection. At this point, I am extremely disappointed.

In fact, children are self-taught psychologists. They will observe the way each adult treats himself, so they will show that adults who are tolerant of themselves are more proud and those who are strict with themselves are smarter.

When we pay attention to safeguarding children's dignity, respecting children and being firm, children will gradually understand that their bad behaviors can't get the desired results. While maintaining self-esteem, they will also inspire children to change their behaviors. Once you realize this, you should know what you should do so as not to fall into the infinite power struggle with your children. Raising children will be much easier.