Sometimes if you talk too much, you will quarrel because of disagreement. The parent-child relationship has become tense, especially in adolescence, and some children even regard their parents as enemies.
Cousin's children had an argument with their classmates at school. After returning home, a fierce quarrel broke out because my mother said a few more words. Afterwards, I asked the child why he quarreled with his mother. He said, because my mother never understood him, never listened to him, just said her feelings. The parent-child relationship between them is becoming more and more rigid.
Parents have worked hard to raise their children. How did the gap get so big later? What causes the alienation of parent-child relationship?
These negative behaviors are affecting the yelling behavior of parent-child relationship.
Parents will yell at their children when they make mistakes. When children are young, it must be the simplest and most effective method. Once used, children will be afraid and afraid to offend again.
It was the parents' scolding behavior that contributed to the child's later rebellion. Children will imitate their parents' behavior and yell at their parents immediately when they encounter problems. Parents can't accept their children's impolite behavior towards themselves, which leads to the escalation of contradictions.
2 criticism and accusation.
In the eyes of parents, children should criticize education when they make mistakes, but blindly criticizing and accusing will make a child lose self-esteem. Making a child realize that he has made a mistake by criticism will only make him feel worthless, have no sense of belonging and even doubt himself.
If children take a negative attitude towards their parents' criticism, they will become negative towards Nuo Nuo. If the two confront each other, it may cause tension between parents and children, and even encourage children's rebellious behavior.
In the past, the ancients said that "a dutiful son grows under a stick", but now most experiences tell us that "a rebellious son grows under a stick".
3 Preaching and nagging.
Preaching and nagging will make children refuse to listen and show boredom. Some mothers like to say the same thing many times, thinking that their children say too little to remember.
In fact, the effect of saying one thing only once will be much better than repeating it, and too much preaching can only lead children to refuse to do things according to instructions, which is the power to make children rebel.
Negative emotions and influences have destroyed the parent-child relationship. Only by adopting positive education can children gain their trust and understanding, and how many parents can really understand their children.
Second, it is necessary to understand that children should start from these things first, and don't give unreasonable suggestions to children easily.
When children encounter difficulties or make mistakes, they will ask their parents for advice or help most of the time. If parents can't give opinions from their children's point of view, it's easy to give arbitrary answers. You must do as I say. Although the child's idea may be naive or lack of consideration, what parents should do is not to give him an unacceptable answer, but to help the child find a reasonable solution, discuss it with the child and let the child speak his mind.
2 Learn to understand children's feelings.
Children will show negative emotions such as anger and sadness for very small reasons. Maybe I didn't grab the toy and play with the children; Don't button up and lose your temper with yourself; I can't finish my homework because of procrastination.
If parents show that they don't understand their children's feelings because of their negative emotions, they will also make them unable to understand their emotions.
Parents' understanding and sincerity are the hinge of parent-child relationship.
3 think that the child's pain seems unimportant.
The child was slightly injured and complained to his mother. The mother hoped that the child could learn to be strong and said, "This injury is nothing. You are a man, you must learn to be patient. " If children don't find comfort to tell their parents, their hearts will be more or less hit.
In the future, children may learn to be silent and will not share their feelings with their parents.
Yin Jianli, an education expert, pointed out that children should be allowed to think and choose for themselves as much as possible, even if they make the same decision. If it is not from parents' instructions, but from children's own wishes, they will be more willing to carry them out.
Understanding children is the foundation and listening is the necessary condition.
A good parent-child relationship begins with learning to listen. Only by learning to listen can we truly understand children's feelings.