Second, rational love, love and moderation In many families, although parents are stingy, they are responsive to the endless demands of their children's lives. In life, giving everything to children, giving everything to children, is almost "forgetting me." Makarenko, an educator in the former Soviet Union, said: "Parents give everything for their children, sacrifice everything, and even sacrifice their own happiness. This is the most terrible gift parents can give their children." Rousseau, a French educator, has a similar saying: "Do you know what is the most reliable way to cause your child's misfortune? Give him whatever he wants. " In fact, it is human nature for parents to love and care for their children. The problem is not love itself, there is nothing wrong with love, but how we should love. According to the relevant data of American family education research, in American families, if a child falls, parents don't care and need the child to get up by himself. Moreover, parents ask very young children to do housework as much as possible, such as washing dishes, sweeping the floor and washing clothes. Even if the family's economic situation is good, children should be encouraged to earn their own money and let them pay for insurance or part of their study expenses. In China, these are the "responsibilities" of parents.
Don't American parents love their children? The difference is that they love each other in different ways and have different understandings of love. Our parents are more emotional than rational. Mr. Lu Xun pointed out in the article "How Do We Be Fathers Now": "Love for children should be expanded and alcoholized into understanding, guiding and liberating children." It is human nature for parents to love their children, which is a great motivation for parents to take the responsibility of family education actively, consciously and actively. At the same time, the love of parents also exists as an independent and effective means of education. Because when children deeply understand their parents' deep love, they often listen to their parents' advice and consciously correct their mistakes. However, parents must be rational when giving love; Be measured, not blindly accommodating; Blind satisfaction. We should overcome blind love, apply scientific love, agree to reasonable demands, resolutely deny unreasonable demands, and be strict and moderate in love. Third, the combination of rewards and punishments, rewards and punishments are clear. Many parents often take various incentives to promote their children's progress and improve their academic performance. Such as: how much to give as many points as possible; Other families take various forms of severe punishment, such as beating and cursing children when they make mistakes or their academic performance drops slightly, which makes them dissatisfied. Praise, reward, criticism and punishment belong to the reinforcement of behavior in psychology. Praise and reward belong to positive reinforcement, while criticism and punishment belong to negative reinforcement. Appropriate praise and reward play an important role in cultivating children's good moral character and behavior habits, and necessary criticism and punishment are equally indispensable for children to form correct values and correct wrong words and deeds. In the actual family education, firstly, rewards and punishments should be combined and moderate.
Psychologist James Wendell said: "A child who relies on praise only seeks to satisfy his parents, not himself. Over time, even if they do some daily housework, children expect to be praised by their parents, or they can't finish a job without praise as motivation. " [1] Generally speaking, praise is two or three times more than criticism. If praise is too much, or it seems insincere enough; Or exaggerate, it will lose its due effect. If you criticize too much, you will be too picky At the same time, it is easy for children to feel discouraged and depressed because of many setbacks. Second, pay attention to skills when using rewards and punishments. First of all, praise and reward should really touch children's hearts. Parents should understand their children's psychological characteristics and needs, which can be implemented by using certain positive reinforcement. Such as: children's favorite food, toys, etc. Moreover, the positive stimulation degree of praise and reward should not be too much and too frequent, and it can be dense first and then sparse, so we should pay attention to concrete and timely use. You must not miss the opportunity of praise, and at the same time, you must clearly point out the reasons for praise and reward. Help children to establish correct evaluation system and values through praise and reward, thus forming an internal self-restraint mechanism. Secondly, criticism and punishment should pay attention to things rather than people. We should let children know that parents' criticism and punishment are only aimed at the wrong behavior, but parents still care about, love and like him very much. Smart parents should give their children positive help and comfort after punishing them, and explain the reasons for punishment and "obedience" to their children. Fourth, let go of your hands and feet and don't forget to guide parents to care and pay attention to their children's learning. Once they find that their children are "playful", they will take the lead in changing their faces, or reprimand or beat and scold. Who knows, play is a child's nature, and children's play is also very valuable, and it is a right that can never be deprived. Many inventions in the world stem from children's innocent play. Therefore, in family education, we should let go of children's hands and feet. As parents, we should not destroy children's playful nature. Professor Baoji Barbara, Dean of Eriksson College in the United States, pointed out: "Play helps children learn and develop their creativity.
At the same time, play will help children understand themselves, others and the surrounding environment, thus helping them cope with various challenges and changes. "[2] Under the situation of quality education reform, children should have a free sky in their lives, experience life freely and acquire knowledge while receiving institutionalized school education. Children's drama just embodies the core concept of quality education: cultivating people's creativity and innovative thinking. Because playing can cultivate their practical ability and thinking ability, stimulate their interest, and urge them to find problems, study problems and try to solve them themselves. Tao Xingzhi, a famous educator in China, believes that to cultivate children's creativity, children must be let go. This does not mean that parents have nothing to do. They should take the initiative to assume the responsibilities of directors, coordinators and encouragers of children's games in the fifth volume of Journal of Anshan Normal University, cultivate children's special talents and interests in games according to the situation, and help children learn and grow in inquiry. V. Common Care and Coordination We often encounter such a situation: parents discipline their children, but they are reprimanded by grandparents; Or one parent teaches, and the other strongly opposes it, playing the devil's advocate with Taiwan Province. All these situations reflect a problem, the inconsistency of family education. In fact, we should form an atmosphere of common concern and coordination in family education. Only in this way can we give full play to its educational function. So, in what aspects should family education be consistent? The author believes that there are mainly the following aspects: First, parents and grandparents should be consistent.
In the process of family education for children, parents and grandparents share the responsibility of education. This requires them to coordinate their attitudes and requirements when educating their children. Second, parents should be consistent. When one party puts forward strict requirements, the other party must not give the child a "green light". On the contrary, it is necessary to further emphasize and reiterate this requirement so that it can be implemented smoothly. Third, parents should match their words with their deeds. Makarenko, a famous educator in the former Soviet Union, said: "Parents' requirements for themselves, parents' respect for their families and parents' concern for their every behavior are the first and most important educational methods." Fourth, parents' requirements should conform to the actual situation of children. Mr. Zhu Qinglan said in his "Family Education": "Teachers (that is, educators) don't follow the level of teachers (educatees), just like the host invited a vegetarian guest, but prepared a table of barbecue and meat dishes. Although the host took pains, the guests had no place to eat. " He also pointed out the ideological roots of doing so. He said: "Parents who are too eager to teach their children are half hoping for their son's well-being, and half are asking their son to earn a reputation for themselves." Such consequences will inevitably lead to contradictions between children and parents and affect the implementation of family quality education. As Mozi said, "He who knows will do his best."
Parents should proceed from their children's actual situation, so that "Zi Shen, Zi Shallow, Zi Li and Zi Jing" (Mozi Daqu) can make continuous progress. Fifth, family education and school education should be consistent. In the process of education, there is such a strange inequality: 5≤2, (5 represents the education students receive at school every week and 2 represents the education they receive from their families at weekends), which reflects that five days of school education is not worth two days of family education. Therefore, the 1997 code of conduct for parents' education promulgated by the state has clearly stipulated that family education should be closely linked with schools and society, and cooperate with each other to maintain the consistency of education. Only in this way can the two complement each other, the inequality can become 5+2≥7, and children can grow up in it. Education is a systematic project in which family education plays an important role. Today's parents should take the country Loongson as their own responsibility and shoulder this arduous and long-term historical responsibility.