Abstract: Family is the most important place for children's enlightenment education, which plays a very important role in the cultivation of children's good habits and future intellectual development. There are significant differences between Chinese and American family education. For example, in the relationship between family members, China parents are mostly in a dominant position, while American parents pay more attention to getting along with their children on an equal footing; In the concept of parenting, most parents in China want their children to get ahead, while American parents pay more attention to improving their children's survival adaptability; In terms of educational methods, parents in China prefer to arrange substitution, while parents in the United States prefer to let their children practice by themselves. These differences lead to obvious differences in the survival and adaptability of children in the two countries as adults. It is of great practical significance to correctly understand and learn from foreign advanced educational methods to promote the healthy growth of children and improve the quality of future talents.
[Keywords:] family education; Parenting concept; Tradition; education for all-around development
Family education refers to the educational influence of parents on their children's growth and development in the process of family interaction, and it is also the most important part of all educational links in the whole society. There are many differences in cultural traditions, concepts, lifestyles and social customs between China and the United States, which leads to many differences in family education between the two countries. Correctly understanding and understanding this difference between the two countries has important guiding role and practical significance for promoting the benign development of contemporary family education in China.
The audience who saw the movie Scraping will surely notice a scene: a China father saw his son fighting with the son of a foreign boss, and asked Dennis to apologize to the boss's son, but he was rejected and slapped his son. The father did this out of respect for his boss, implying that "I punished my son because of you." But this scene made his boss feel particularly surprised and puzzled. Why does a father beat his son to apologize to others? This is the obvious difference between Chinese and American family education. [1] Traditional education in China emphasizes kindness and obedience, while American families pay attention to justice and freedom. Parents in China usually like to "mold" their children, hoping that their children will develop according to their own wishes. They often use their own reason to interfere with children's natural development, thus depriving children of their right to choose freely to a great extent. American families pay more attention to children's autonomy, so that children can learn to make their own decisions and solve their own problems independently under the conditions permitted by society. These differences can be roughly summarized as follows:
First, the relationship between two different family members.
Contemporary family education in China is influenced by traditional family concepts. Parents always mean authority, and they are at the core of the family as rulers. Children will never grow up in the eyes of parents, and parents can teach their children for many years after they grow up. In addition, in the logic of China people, there is a saying that "elders are always teachers". In the family, the elders can of course educate the younger generation, which forms the inequality of interpersonal relationship within the family. Children learn to say different things to different people and understand that parents are more important than friends, and elders are symbols of authority. In this environment for a long time, children gradually get used to living under multiple rules. However, with the improvement of material living standards and the implementation of the family planning policy, many families go to the other extreme, putting their children in a special position in the family and giving them special protection, and children become the central figures. Take a submissive attitude towards children, let them enjoy delicious food, but let them rely on their parents to do it. They over-satisfy any needs of children, over-treat children in life and over-emphasize children in economy, which leads to another kind of inequality in family relations.
In American families, parents pay more attention to freedom and equality. Respect children from an early age, attach importance to giving them personal autonomy, and let them learn to make their own decisions and solve various problems independently under the conditions permitted by society. They treat children equally as an independent individual and give them due respect and understanding. Children can freely express their views in front of their parents, and what they say is unique, and parents will give them appropriate rewards. Children have independent time and space to imagine or engage in creative activities.
Second, two different views on parenting.
Chinese family education often focuses on whether children can have a good future, find a good job and spend their lives in prosperity. Based on this expectation, many parents believe that parents' responsibility to their children is to make their children live better, and to give their children the happiness that parents can give them. If you can create the best living conditions for your children, you will be willing to suffer. For this reason, in the process of children's growth, parents should not only take care of their children's lives, but also pay special attention to their IQ. In order to let children grow up, they don't let them do anything except study. As for children's independent living ability, adaptability to future life and civic awareness, they seldom consider what problems children can solve as long as they get good grades. [2] In contrast, American families have completely different views on parenting, and their focus is on cultivating children's ability to adapt to various environments and survive independently. Based on this concept, they attach great importance to children's own exercise. They generally believe that children's growth must rely on their own strength. Therefore, they pay attention to cultivating and exercising their self-reliance and independent living ability from an early age. The so-called exercise is multifaceted, such as labor exercise and will exercise. But the most fundamental thing is to adapt to all kinds of difficult environment and labor ability. Through labor, let children develop an independent consciousness and a habit of loving labor from an early age. Overcome difficulties, temper one's will, develop one's own abilities and specialties, increase one's intelligence and wisdom, and cultivate good qualities of hard work, diligence and thrift in working and hard environment. In this subtle process, with the growth of age, it gradually promotes it to become a citizen with independent viability and social responsibility.
Three, two different ways of education
Due to the fundamental differences in parenting concepts, there are also great differences in the ways of educating children between the two countries. China is roughly reflected in the following points:
1. arranged substitution in life. In China, parents, especially only children, take care of their children's food, clothing, housing and transportation, and keep them out of housework. This arrangement involves all aspects of the child horizontally and extends vertically until the child grows up. Therefore, primary school students need parents to pick them up, middle school students need parents to wash clothes, and freshmen need parents to escort them when they enter school.
2. Social overprotection. Many parents are afraid that their children will suffer or learn badly, so they limit their children's contact with the outside world. Once children have disputes or unpleasant things with their children or classmates, most parents take the method of protecting their children and blaming other children.
3. Economic laissez-faire. Many parents are obedient and responsive to their children's demands. Even in families with financial difficulties, parents should tighten their belts and save money to meet the needs of their children. Many primary school students own mobile phones, digital cameras, MP3 and other high-end consumer goods, which virtually encourages their extravagance and waste habits.
4. Being too strict in study. Compared with the indulgence in life, economy and social life, parents have high requirements for their children's study, even reaching a harsh level. Throughout the ages, exam-oriented education has been deeply binding the thoughts of parents in China, leading parents to regard their children's academic performance and whether they can be admitted to colleges and universities as the only criteria for their children's success. As soon as a child is born, he is required and educated by the standards of genius. [3] Usually, after finishing the homework assigned by the teacher, in order to consolidate, the children will be asked to do another set of synchronous exercises. Children are exhausted, and once they fail to live up to expectations, they can only get rid of the anger of "hating iron and not producing steel" by beating and cursing.
American parents, on the other hand, take a laissez-faire attitude towards raising their children from the perspective of cultivating their independent living ability. The so-called letting go means that parents try their best to give their children opportunities and conditions for self-exercise from the moment they are born, so that they can get full exercise in various environments. In addition to taking care of children's safety, parents also let their children choose their own things in life, such as playing and studying. If they are given a place to store their personal clothes, toys and school supplies from an early age, they will tidy up their rooms and decorate their little world. Parents will never arrange for their children, but remind the staff at most. [4] The so-called laissez-faire is generally reflected in three aspects: First, suffering is not as good as pleasure. Parents pay special attention to cultivating their children's spirit of suffering. Second, the family is rich but not extravagant. Many families in America have strict requirements and regulations on their children's pocket money. The basic principle is: pay regularly, and the amount depends on the age of the child and the actual income of the family. Third, strict education is not eccentric. Westerners never let their children's shortcomings and mistakes go unchecked, let alone protect them, but try to teach them to know their mistakes and correct them. Besides, most American parents don't put too much pressure on their children's study. Their point of view is that children will naturally study hard for the knowledge they are interested in, so why force them to do things they don't want to do? If you persist in doing it, it will hurt your child's feelings and personality. People's interests, hobbies and talents are inherently different. Children should do whatever they are suitable for, and let them go their own way in life. Successful family education should be that parents take time to communicate with their children equally, fully affirm their children's correct thoughts and behaviors, and let them grow up with respect and encouragement.
Fourth, two different educational outcomes
Their educational results are obviously different because of their different views on parenting and educational methods. American children have shown a strong ability to live independently since childhood, which is reflected in: (1) have a strong ability to stand on their own feet. Most children above 18 earn their own money to study. Some people earn enough money to go to school, some people study while working, or stop studying, and spend more than ten years getting a doctorate. Children think it is disgraceful to ask their parents for money when they are so old, and they will be looked down upon and feel incompetent. So you have to work to be financially independent. (2) Have the mind to adapt to the market economy. Children in many American families have been involved in managing their own finances since childhood. Through personal experience, they know that money is hard to come by, thus forming a good habit of careful calculation and thrift. (3) Ability to adapt to social environment. Because of hard training since childhood, American children are more able to endure hardships and have the courage and perseverance to overcome difficulties; I am calm, can live in harmony with people around me, and have the confidence and courage to exist independently as a member of society. These qualities and skills have laid a solid foundation for them to enter the society in the future.
On the contrary, children, teenagers and even college students in China, although not inferior to the West in academic performance, generally show poor independent living ability, lack of independent consciousness, strong dependence, passive and timid work, and lack of adaptability and adaptability to the environment; Do not know the skills of interpersonal communication, poor interpersonal relationship; Afraid of hardship and fatigue, they only ask others to take care of them, but they lack sympathy and the ability to help others; I don't know how to respect my elders at home, and I lack social responsibility outside.
To sum up, it is not difficult to see that different family members' relationships, different parenting concepts and different educational methods have produced two completely different educational results, and it is very clear which is better or worse. In order to improve China's international competitiveness in the future, the key is to improve the quality and quality of talents, which must start with family education. Because family education is the foundation of the whole school education (including preschool education) and social education, which is irreplaceable. Family education in China is influenced by thousands of years of feudal tradition. Confucianism has a far-reaching influence, whether from parents' values, parenting styles, or from the contents, ways and methods of family education. However, with China's reform and opening up and changes in social structure, some traditional concepts, means and methods in family education have been unable to adapt to family education in contemporary China. Therefore, we should not only carry forward the brilliant crystallization of the splendid civilization of the Chinese nation for thousands of years, but also absorb the democratic and open family education concept of western countries. Only by consciously changing the backward concept in family education, expanding the field of family education, enriching the content of family education, improving the means, ways and methods of education, and integrating ancient and modern, Chinese and western, can we create an extraordinary next generation.