As parents of the post-80s generation, we no longer inherit the parenting style of the older generation, but hope to have our own parenting methods. Guide children's good character and habits with relaxed parenting concepts.
In the book "Mom, please treat me like a killer whale", the author expounds a brand-new parenting concept "whale education method", which is not only rigorous, but also active and effective. The most important thing is simple: emphasize the positive side of children and use appropriate rewards to make parents the best teachers for children.
Mom, please treat me like a killer whale. The writer is Ken Branga. His "One Minute Manager" has been ranked first in The New York Times bestseller list for three consecutive years, and its concept has been used for reference by many well-known enterprises such as KFC, Wal-Mart, Apple and Hewlett-Packard.
In this book, author Bulanjia applies the methods of communication and praise in whale training to children in the style of stories, and finds that children have changed a lot, and they can go to bed on time, stop picky eaters and learn to share.
Once upon a time, animal trainers forced animals to obey orders, and the only reward method used at that time was feeding. However, it is difficult to maintain a deep and lasting relationship between animal trainers and animals in this way.
The Whale Education Act subverts the previous training methods, based on "respect" and replacing obedience and punishment with communication and appreciation. Once a whale completes an action correctly, it will get some kind of reward, such as massage or toys. This incentive method links "completing the action" with "getting the reward".
Nowadays, many parents have gone into the misunderstanding of education, always paying attention to what their children have done wrong and ignoring what their children have done right. For example, we only see that children's math scores are not good, but we don't see the Excellence of other courses. Doing so not only alienates us from our children, but also allows children to focus only on the shortcomings and deficiencies of others.
The "whale education law" is not only a set of skills, but also a philosophy that advocates a way of looking at others. It teaches us how to see the best in our children and makes parents look at their roles with a positive attitude. For example:
The Whale Education Act can improve children's picky eaters.
Whales are sometimes very picky about food. Although shrimp is very nutritious, it doesn't like shrimp, but only likes fish. When a whale trainer trains a whale to eat shrimp, he will first feed it a big bucket of fish, and then mix a few shrimps in the middle, so as to feed it alternately. After that, use massage as its reward.
The next day, the shrimp fed to whales increased to half a barrel, reducing the number of fish. If it can be done, it must be rewarded seriously, and soon whales will adapt to the process of eating shrimp and no longer need to be mixed with fish.
Similarly, if children are picky about food, they don't like to eat certain vegetables. We can prepare some dishes that children like to eat, and then prepare some vegetables that we want him to eat in exchange for feeding. When children eat vegetables, we should praise him immediately and be careful not to force them.
Repeat this process for the next meal. Of course, don't expect a meal to solve this problem. Praise him for every progress. As long as he takes a small step forward every time, he will succeed in the end. Children may not like this kind of food when they grow up, but as long as they get into the habit, one day he will take the initiative to choose these foods.
The Whale Education Act teaches children to learn to share.
The whale trainer gave one whale a toy, and the other wanted it back, because the toy used to be his. The whale trainer gave the latter a bigger and newer toy. After playing for a while, the whale trainer called two whales to his side and exchanged their toys, so that one got his old toy back and the other got a new one. The purpose of this is to get them used to exchanging toys and sharing toys, lest they want to monopolize something.
Most parents want their children to learn to share, but only when their children compete with other children will they be given "special training", but this will only hurt their children. Raising children is like training whales. Help them move in the right direction from the beginning, and never wait for them to show behaviors you don't like.
When a child wants to share his toys with others, he may find it unacceptable or even refuse to share them. At this time, you can give other things to other children to play with first, and it looks very happy. Then you can borrow children's toys to play with, and slowly let children learn to share their toys with other family members.
When children make sharing behaviors, they will definitely get great rewards, because these are all small steps towards their goals. When we seriously look for opportunities to reward those behaviors that you recognize, we should also set an example. Parents themselves are the best coaches for their children.
The Whale Education Act can improve children's picky eaters and teach them to learn to share. In fact, it's more than that. It can even solve children's tantrums and cultivate children's morality, because it always revolves around three rules.
First, create conditions to help it succeed. If you want to help the whale complete its movements smoothly, you must know the habits of the whale, what it likes to eat, when it is most energetic in a day, which whale trainer you like, and so on.
We should create conditions for children to succeed and understand their habits. If we want our child to go to bed early at night, we should let him sleep as little as possible during the day and naturally get sleepy at night. At the same time, keep quiet at night, don't turn on the TV, and tell him a quiet story with the time you used to kill the TV.
To help children succeed, we should also pay attention to it. When they do something we don't want, don't reinforce it.
Ma Yashu's daughter Mia once wanted to eat ice cream, but because Mia caught a cold, Ma Yashu didn't agree. Mia lay directly on the ground, crying. Ma Yashu had no choice but to agree to buy ice cream in the supermarket. Remember that this trick is very useful. Use it next time you want something. When the mother strengthens the child's behavior, the child's little head will immediately write down these things. The children are very clever. She knows that as long as she makes trouble, her parents will immediately meet her requirements.
Sure enough, the children just finished eating the cake and wanted to eat bread. At first, Ma Yashu refused. At first, the children cried and shouted, but it was useless. Then she changed it to coquetry, "Mom, please". Ma Yashu mainly immediately, or took out the bread.
Second, ignore the failure and/or resend the instruction. Don't take failure as a bad thing, and divert children's attention from those negative things.
Third, reward success. Success can't be achieved overnight, it needs to be accumulated bit by bit. You need to observe every detail of your child and reward him for every progress in time. Even if there is only a small progress, you can use various methods, such as toys, food and play, to make her feel good.
If the child used to cry when he was in trouble, but this time he didn't ask for some unreasonable shopping. We should recognize and encourage her to change, and even buy her a gift. For a child, nothing can motivate him more than an unexpected reward.
Rewards provided by parents must be attractive to children, such as toys, snacks, hugs or other rewards. When children show that they are not attracted to toys, you might as well praise them. Don't always use the same way to motivate, so your motivation will soon be ineffective. Change the incentive mode more. For a child, nothing can motivate him more than an unexpected reward.
Psychologists tell us that 90% of human behavior is determined by habits. The Whale Education Act helps children to form good habits and establish correct values through rewards, so that he firmly believes that his correct behavior will definitely bring fun, relaxation and enjoyment to himself.