This personality refers to the sum of our psychological activities, including a person's temperament and personality. A person's personality characteristics, part comes from innate, and the other part is formed through the influence of acquired environment, which is called "socialization".

Everyone's experience and growing environment are very different, so their personality is different. These personalities determine how we think, what kind of behavior patterns, social relations, emotional patterns and so on.

In the process of socialization, family education is the first parenting environment we accept, which has a great influence on the fate of children.

I talked to my daughter about a problem yesterday. She is now in a period of thinking about the direction of life and seeking a breakthrough. At present, she is under great pressure in her new job and has some negative emotions.

This kind of pressure, on the one hand, is that she has just changed careers and has no experience, but the current workload is obviously overloaded for her, and she works overtime until the early hours of the morning every day to go home; On the other hand, she faces dual leadership: the boss and the proprietress. Two people have different requirements and standards for her work, which makes her at a loss.

In fact, what really bothers her is not work, but interpersonal relationship. Work can be said to be her favorite, but in this new company, she has to face an unprecedented interpersonal relationship model, and she obviously can't adapt well.

When I first started working, my daughter encountered such a problem. Unable to face the uncertainty in daily relationship, she persisted for two months and left the company. At present, it is the second time that she has encountered the problem of working relationship. Because of her previous escape, she encountered a similar situation, and the problem she failed to solve came back.

What are we doing? We obviously can't escape. So I told her that you must go through this. If you run away every time you encounter this kind of problem, you will be stuck here in the future. Only by accepting and facing it and learning how to get along with it can we move on.

Daughter a little unwilling to say:

I left my hometown when I was very young, and my parents, brothers and sisters and other relatives are all in my hometown. Therefore, in this small family where my daughter grew up, there are no complicated interpersonal relationships, and my ability and experience in dealing with relationships are relatively insufficient, which is exactly what the current family environment has brought to her.

Yes, some families are born with many learning and growing environments suitable for children, and some families can only rely on their children to explore and break through because of their parents' limitations, which requires children to experience more frustrations in society to make up for the shortcomings brought by the growing environment.

Many times, parents are the biggest fate of children.

Some people may ask this question: but why do brothers and sisters born to the same parents have different personalities and fates?

This is another factor to be mentioned below.

The way parents get along with their children in childhood determines the way children get along with the world. When children are young, parents love and accept them unconditionally and take care of them carefully. Gradually, this kind of love acceptance and care is internalized into the interaction mode between parents and children in children's minds, forming a mode of getting along with themselves, others and the world.

He will feel that the world is full of kindness to him, and he will treat others and the world with kindness in return.

On the other hand, in the early days of a child's life, if his parents take a coping, trouble-saving or even impatient and disgusting attitude towards him, he will feel the hostility of the world and treat others and the world with hostile eyes, and he will think that he is not worthy of love.

Two different life backgrounds determine children's different fates.

Even in the same family, if different brothers and sisters are treated differently by their families, their personalities and growth process will be very different. This is why the fate of different children is different under the same parents.

Psychoanalysis holds that the subconscious creates reality. What a person's subconscious believes, what kind of reality will the world present to him. "Those who believe that there are still many good people in the world can always get unexpected help when they encounter something. The things or people he meets are actually the projection of his potential consciousness to the external environment, and his dream will come true. And people who believe that there is only a dispute of interests in this world often fall into the situation of being calculated.

Psychologically, people are naturally narcissistic and think that they can dominate everything and decide everything. The younger you are, the more serious this narcissism is.

Childhood narcissism has two meanings:

Good parents will bring their children out of narcissism safely and let them know what is his responsibility and what is not. Gradually, he will understand what he can change and what he can't, and he must learn to accept it.

For example, the behaviors and emotions of parents and others are beyond the children's power to change.

But bad parents often blame their children for bad things. They said, it's all because of you that we are here today. From then on, children may never get rid of their guilt and guilt and plant the seeds of self-denial.

We are not only narcissistic in childhood, but also narcissistic when we grow up. Children who lack love in childhood are more likely to be narcissistic when they grow up.

Narcissism and self-denial are a pair of conjoined children. When a person narcissistically thinks that he is particularly powerful and can decide everything freely, it is easy to turn to self-doubt and self-denial if things go against his wishes.

The so-called life is nine times out of ten unsatisfactory. Therefore, most of the results of narcissism will end in frustration, which will lead to self-denial.

Desire to transform others is a state of narcissism. In fact, people can only change themselves, and the root of many people's failures and pains often comes from trying to change others.

For example, when some children were young, they failed because they wanted to change their parents' imperfections through their own efforts. They will subconsciously suppress this desire, and when they grow up, they will unconsciously look for people with similar personality to their parents to continue to complete this subconscious dream of transformation.

This is why many people will repeatedly look for some love objects similar to their parents. Unfortunately, most people's dreams of transformation will end in failure. Because everyone can't change others and the surrounding environment, the only thing he can change is himself.

Some people will say:

Yes, in this case, it seems that you have successfully transformed the other party. In fact, it is your luck that the other party is willing to make changes for you. The decisive factor in making this change is not you, but the other person's heart.

Good parents will guide and encourage their children to learn to accept the unchangeable and change the changeable. This is: accept the imperfections of yourself and others and learn to grow.

Since you can't change the past, accept it. This is also accepting our imperfections and making our inner parents and inner children fall in love. Only by changing one's inner relationship mode can one change the external environment and destiny.

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